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And a woman who puts out on the first date may not be 'loose'.
I've never claimed that, have I?
And how does this support your position? You use the fact that people are unfairly judged based on idiotic criteria to support you decision to unfairly judge people based on idiotic criteria.
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He may not be that type of man, but if it quacks like a duck....
Totally doesn't apply.
A duck that asks for a number after the 10th message also quacks like a duck, does it not?
Of these 7 guys, how many turned into a long term relationship?
One was a relationship for 18 months. This is the one I was writing about all these months on here if you want you can go back and read my threads about it. Two were guys who I wasn't attracted to. There was one guy who seemed real cute and nice, but I told him no. I tried and I was not ready to date after my 18 month relationship ended. (My fault ) One did a disappearing act on me and he lied and said his grandma died in Guatemala and he wasn't going to be around for a two weeks. I logged into the site and seen he was on the site on the days he was supposed to be in Guatemala with no cell phone service. Never heard from him again.
Actually, it probably means she was on the fence about you and was trying to get to know you a bit better before making a decision. It's hard to get to know someone online and it's FAAAR different for women than men. I was watching a documentary on online dating and it said that women's #1 fear was meeting with a serial killer/getting murdered....mens #1? She ends up being fat.
As a man, you don't really have to worry about being raped or getting killed, but most women have these little fears in the back of their heads so they treat meeting a stranger far differently.
You're probably being pushy about it and so she disappears because of it. Looks like she made her decision.
So by your philosophy, theoretically, if a woman with your physical make up, and a man with my physical make up, that means I should be the one concerned about my physical well being.
I'm average height and weight for my height.
You are 6'1"-ish (?), and even if you are height/weight proportional, you are still going to weigh more than me.
Plus, you are a mechanic, so you are probably much stronger than people realize.
Therefore, I should he fearful of bein overpowered and mugged, raped, murdered.
And you are assumin something else. MANY women use online dating for the sole purpose of conning men out of money and dinners and entertainment. They may not mug them or rob them, but they lead them on and 'let' the guy buy them dinner, take them out, over and over, and then when a guy starts to think the women is interested, she says' "I'm sorry, but your not my type." Even though she knew this 2,3,4 dates ago.
Women are not the only humans taking chances and exposing themselves to be taken advantage of when it comes to online dating.
I haven't necessarily been conned, as I grew up in such an environment, so I see it pretty quickly. But you logic is a little flawed in that women are not the only ones that have to be cautious when it comes to online dating.
One friend of mine was literally stabbed by his gf at the time in one of her temper tantrums. This occured after they were dating for 6 some months. And then there's the Jodi Arias trial currently going on. She doesnt look like she could overpower the exbf she murdered, and yet, he is now gone.
So many people continue to use the 1700's gender inequalities, and yet in todays age, men and women are much more physically equivalent then ever.
There are crazy people everywhere. That is why people should screen well, fast, and efficiently.
I am a decent human being, and I'm actually not a pushy person. On this forum, I speak my opinion, honestly, cause I CAN hide behind my CPU.
IRL, I'm one of the more laid back, easy going people you will ever meet.
I ask/expect nothing from anyone, and do so on purpose.
Actually, I used to be a people pleaser, but I have learned the error of that logic.
And how does this support your position? You use the fact that people are unfairly judged based on idiotic criteria to support you decision to unfairly judge people based on idiotic criteria.
I'm not saying it's just you, I'm saying in general. People are going to unfairly judge others, and it's a bummer.
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Totally doesn't apply.
A duck that asks for a number after the 10th message also quacks like a duck, does it not?
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Yes, but by the 10th message hopefully both parties are more comfortable and it progresses at a pace they're both comfortable with. If a guy demands a phone number on the second message and she gives it freely, obviously that's what she's comfortable with. If he does that and the woman doesn't feel it's a good idea, she's going to decline.
It's really that simple. It's about both parties feeling comfortable with how things are progressing. From my experience with online dating, I used to gladly give out my phone number early and want to meet asap. The vast majority of those dates ended up with the guy inappropriately touching me, wanting to escalate the physical part of the 'relationship' far too early and just generally being very pushy and making me uncomfortable.
So, from MY experience, I'm going to agree with the OP and say that the more respectful guys take their time and actually get to know you a bit before moving it offline.
"Yes, but by the 10th message hopefully both parties are more comfortable and it progresses at a pace they're both comfortable with. If a guy demands a phone number on the second message and she gives it freely, obviously that's what she's comfortable with. If he does that and the woman doesn't feel it's a good idea, she's going to decline.
It's really that simple. It's about both parties feeling comfortable with how things are progressing. From my experience with online dating, I used to gladly give out my phone number early and want to meet asap. The vast majority of those dates ended up with the guy inappropriately touching me, wanting to escalate the physical part of the 'relationship' far too early and just generally being very pushy and making me uncomfortable.
So, from MY experience, I'm going to agree with the OP and say that the more respectful guys take their time and actually get to know you a bit before moving it offline."
Yes!! Your experience says all. Thanks for sharing
So by your philosophy, theoretically, if a woman with your physical make up, and a man with my physical make up, that means I should be the one concerned about my physical well being.
I'm average height and weight for my height.
You are 6'1"-ish (?), and even if you are height/weight proportional, you are still going to weigh more than me.
Plus, you are a mechanic, so you are probably much stronger than people realize.
Therefore, I should he fearful of bein overpowered and mugged, raped, murdered.
And you are assumin something else. MANY women use online dating for the sole purpose of conning men out of money and dinners and entertainment. They may not mug them or rob them, but they lead them on and 'let' the guy buy them dinner, take them out, over and over, and then when a guy starts to think the women is interested, she says' "I'm sorry, but your not my type." Even though she knew this 2,3,4 dates ago.
Women are not the only humans taking chances and exposing themselves to be taken advantage of when it comes to online dating.
I haven't necessarily been conned, as I grew up in such an environment, so I see it pretty quickly. But you logic is a little flawed in that women are not the only ones that have to be cautious when it comes to online dating.
One friend of mine was literally stabbed by his gf at the time in one of her temper tantrums. This occured after they were dating for 6 some months. And then there's the Jodi Arias trial currently going on. She doesnt look like she could overpower the exbf she murdered, and yet, he is now gone.
So many people continue to use the 1700's gender inequalities, and yet in todays age, men and women are much more physically equivalent then ever.
There are crazy people everywhere. That is why people should screen well, fast, and efficiently.
I am a decent human being, and I'm actually not a pushy person. On this forum, I speak my opinion, honestly, cause I CAN hide behind my CPU.
IRL, I'm one of the more laid back, easy going people you will ever meet.
I ask/expect nothing from anyone, and do so on purpose.
Actually, I used to be a people pleaser, but I have learned the error of that logic.
I'm not a normal woman, and most women are not built like I am. I generally don't worry about those things, but my 5'6 sister does. I also really don't fear walking around in 'bad' neighborhoods or downtown after dark because most muggers are going to be going after physically smaller people because they're simply easier to mug. Of course, there are exceptions but there's no need to nitpick here. MOST women are smaller than MOST men. That's just the way it is. There are guys like one of my best friends who is 5'4 and 100 lbs, and then there are women like me who are tall and big. So because I exist, a petite 5'1 woman shouldn't have to worry about strange men? That seems kind of silly.
As for the fat vs killed thing, I don't quite think you're getting the point. Women are afraid of being harmed, men are afraid of looking at a fat chick for an hour. Men don't really have to worry about meeting a stranger and being raped. They really don't and please don't trot out the 2 exceptions you know because they're EXCEPTIONS for a reason.
As for the money thing, sure there are women out there who will do that. Why not make it clear you expect to go dutch before you meet? If they get offended or cancel, then obviously they weren't the right woman for you. That should be part of the screening process for you.
For my date last night, I didn't realize he bought the tickets to the show we went to in advance (he didn't tell me) so I bought dinner, drinks and frozen yogurt afterwards and ended up spending twice as much as he did. We split the bill on our first date. I can't remember the last time a guy paid for an entire date.
People are going to unfairly judge others, and it's a bummer.
So...in response to this you are going to unfairly judge people?
Makes sense.
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Yes, but by the 10th message hopefully both parties are more comfortable and it progresses at a pace they're both comfortable with. If a guy demands a phone number on the second message and she gives it freely, obviously that's what she's comfortable with. If he does that and the woman doesn't feel it's a good idea, she's going to decline.
It's really that simple.
Sure. Though, you've now introduced the concept of "demand". That's a bit different.
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It's about both parties feeling comfortable with how things are progressing. From my experience with online dating, I used to gladly give out my phone number early and want to meet asap. The vast majority of those dates ended up with the guy inappropriately touching me, wanting to escalate the physical part of the 'relationship' far too early and just generally being very pushy and making me uncomfortable.
So, from MY experience, I'm going to agree with the OP and say that the more respectful guys take their time and actually get to know you a bit before moving it offline.
Ok. But has every guy who has attempted to move to offline (or however we're calling it) on the 2nd message (or before) done this?
If every guy hasn't then it makes no sense to dismiss every guy who does so.
So...in response to this you are going to unfairly judge people?
Makes sense.
Yes, but Einstein said that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is insanity. If somethings not working right, you change it.
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Sure. Though, you've now introduced the concept of "demand". That's a bit different.
And you'd be surprised how demanding many men can be. Even if they ask nicely, if I don't know your name (I'm talking just your first name) why would I give you my phone number?
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Ok. But has every guy who has attempted to move to offline (or however we're calling it) on the 2nd message (or before) done this?
If every guy hasn't then it makes no sense to dismiss every guy who does so.
The vast, vast majority. Enough to notice a pattern.
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) One did a disappearing act on me and he lied and said his grandma died in Guatemala and he wasn't going to be around for a two weeks. I logged into the site and seen he was on the site on the days he was supposed to be in Guatemala with no cell phone service. Never heard from him again.
