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Old 04-19-2013, 01:03 PM
 
35 posts, read 67,546 times
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This is my experience with online dating so far: the guys that seemed really nice and wanted long-term relationships did not pressure me for my email and/or phone number. This sorta happened naturally. This happened with at least 7 guys. They respected me and my wishes. I felt comfortable with them and gave them my number. It even says on the site to not give out your phone number or email or personal information, etc.

Now, there are guys that want my phone number or email rather quickly. I dunno after 3 or 5x of chatting on the site. How many times I've read "oh, I'm not on this site much, but give me your email/phone # and here's mine, etc.". Well, I tried this with one guy. He listed his email and I emailed him. Didn't receive any contact until a month later. Does this guy really think I was gonna respond to him even after the excuses he wrote on the site and then on my email.

This is one of the reasons why I do not give out my number/email right away. And besides that I'm a woman who's careful and I don't wanna give out my number if that guy's gonna be a creep, etc. I mean, I don't know these men. I feel I should give out my number or call them when I feel the vibe is right. After all, it has worked out in the past for me. I call it filtering out the undesirables who are just players, etc.

But my question is am I being unreasonable? Are there actually decent men who maybe just like to talk on the phone and are not into chatting on these sites? Am I limiting my options by thinking the way I do? Thanks.
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Old 04-19-2013, 01:39 PM
 
4,176 posts, read 5,576,829 times
Reputation: 1849
Quote:
Originally Posted by GottaBePretty View Post
This is my experience with online dating so far: the guys that seemed really nice and wanted long-term relationships did not pressure me for my email and/or phone number. This sorta happened naturally. This happened with at least 7 guys. They respected me and my wishes. I felt comfortable with them and gave them my number. It even says on the site to not give out your phone number or email or personal information, etc.

Now, there are guys that want my phone number or email rather quickly. I dunno after 3 or 5x of chatting on the site. How many times I've read "oh, I'm not on this site much, but give me your email/phone # and here's mine, etc.". Well, I tried this with one guy. He listed his email and I emailed him. Didn't receive any contact until a month later. Does this guy really think I was gonna respond to him even after the excuses he wrote on the site and then on my email.

This is one of the reasons why I do not give out my number/email right away. And besides that I'm a woman who's careful and I don't wanna give out my number if that guy's gonna be a creep, etc. I mean, I don't know these men. I feel I should give out my number or call them when I feel the vibe is right. After all, it has worked out in the past for me. I call it filtering out the undesirables who are just players, etc.

But my question is am I being unreasonable? Are there actually decent men who maybe just like to talk on the phone and are not into chatting on these sites? Am I limiting my options by thinking the way I do? Thanks.

You should do what feels right to you. I don't think someone who asks for your email address relatively soon is necessarily a bad guy. From my viewpoint (male), I'm not overly tight about my email address. I sometime ask for someone's email address b/c I really don't like the internal message systems.

You're probably going to lose some men b/c prolonged email exchanges (especially through the site)before getting together for a first date can be annoying. I don't think I can gauge my fit with someone very well (if at all) via email, so I like to go out rather than emailing back and forth too much.

Each guy is different. If they use the 'I'm not logged in that often' line, that does sound like BS. Not every person who asks for your email address (and offers theirs) is a creep. IMO, a phone number is more personal so I'd recommend giving out email first; I don't really ask for numbers (they just get exchanged when the time is right).

You could create an email address that's used l primarily (if not exclusively) for your online dating experience. That's one possibility. I don't think you're being unreasonable overall but, to be honest, you may be hurting your chances with some guys (probably not many).
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Old 04-19-2013, 02:04 PM
 
Location: Reno, NV
5,388 posts, read 8,601,341 times
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You're not unreasonable, and if your prior approach worked for you in the past, continue using it.

I had a separate email and IM account I used just for dating, and that did not use my name. This was to protect myself from the occasional nut-case, and it was an address I could "throw away" if necessary, and create another. So, I would recommend this as an alternative, and would not give out your primary address to anyone you don't know fairly well.
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Old 04-19-2013, 02:11 PM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,107 posts, read 8,604,498 times
Reputation: 11652
Do whatever makes you comfortable. I'm not too choosy about giving out my number. I figure if they turn out to be nutty I can always block their number. I wouldn't be okay with a guy pressuring me for my information if I wasn't ready to give it out. I've had guys suggest meeting up in the first e-mail before. I don't want to e-mail for months before meeting, but at least a few back and forths to see if I feel it's worth meeting them.
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Old 04-19-2013, 02:51 PM
 
35 posts, read 67,546 times
Reputation: 32
Creating an account just for online dating, I never thought of that. Thanks.

The phone I have is prepaid and I can't block numbers. So I'm a little more reluctant to give that out.

Yes, I don't wanna email for months either, but for maybe a week or sooner maybe just to get a 'vibe' from the guy? I think it also depends what is said in the chats and how long they last. The ones where I gave out my number, these guys were very attentive to me and we would just chat back and forth for awhile. I got good vibes from these. Some of these chats were so good that it was me who initiated the first meeting. These guys were just patient and understanding. No pressures from them.

My question is what is the difference between typing on a site or typing in an email? They are both typing, no?
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Old 04-19-2013, 02:57 PM
 
2,761 posts, read 4,240,724 times
Reputation: 2988
Quote:
Originally Posted by GottaBePretty View Post
This is my experience with online dating so far: the guys that seemed really nice and wanted long-term relationships did not pressure me for my email and/or phone number. This sorta happened naturally. This happened with at least 7 guys. They respected me and my wishes. I felt comfortable with them and gave them my number. It even says on the site to not give out your phone number or email or personal information, etc.

Now, there are guys that want my phone number or email rather quickly. I dunno after 3 or 5x of chatting on the site. How many times I've read "oh, I'm not on this site much, but give me your email/phone # and here's mine, etc.". Well, I tried this with one guy. He listed his email and I emailed him. Didn't receive any contact until a month later. Does this guy really think I was gonna respond to him even after the excuses he wrote on the site and then on my email.

This is one of the reasons why I do not give out my number/email right away. And besides that I'm a woman who's careful and I don't wanna give out my number if that guy's gonna be a creep, etc. I mean, I don't know these men. I feel I should give out my number or call them when I feel the vibe is right. After all, it has worked out in the past for me. I call it filtering out the undesirables who are just players, etc.

But my question is am I being unreasonable? Are there actually decent men who maybe just like to talk on the phone and are not into chatting on these sites? Am I limiting my options by thinking the way I do? Thanks.

I think people like you should not online date.
If you aren't comfortable/able to gage who a creeper is quickly, than don't online date.
There's a lot of shady people online, and there's lots of good people online.

But your walls are too thick to give the good men a chance, and I honestly don't think you are capable of weeding out the creepers quick enough.

Stick to the bar scene/ social networking/ hobbies to meet men. Online isnt your cup of tea.
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Old 04-19-2013, 03:01 PM
 
Location: Albuquerque, NM
13,292 posts, read 13,056,492 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GottaBePretty View Post
But my question is am I being unreasonable? Are there actually decent men who maybe just like to talk on the phone and are not into chatting on these sites? Am I limiting my options by thinking the way I do? Thanks.
Every creepy guy, without fail, will ask for your personal information before you are comfortable giving it.
Every decent guy, without fail, will ask for your personal information at the exact moment you are comfortable giving it.
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Old 04-19-2013, 03:03 PM
 
Location: Up in the air
19,116 posts, read 27,173,051 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AverageGuy2006 View Post
I think people like you should not online date.
If you aren't comfortable/able to gage who a creeper is quickly, than don't online date.
There's a lot of shady people online, and there's lots of good people online.

But your walls are too thick to give the good men a chance, and I honestly don't think you are capable of weeding out the creepers quick enough.

Stick to the bar scene/ social networking/ hobbies to meet men. Online isnt your cup of tea.
I think this is a bit of an extreme response...

You do realize sociopaths can be very charming and very likable, right?

How are her 'walls too thick'? Because she doesn't want to immediately give out her number? Because she wants to take her time and get to know someone? I immediately dismiss a guy that gives out his phone number in the first 2 messages or so, or pressures me to meet right away.

I don't think the OP is being unreasonable at all.
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Old 04-19-2013, 03:04 PM
 
4,176 posts, read 5,576,829 times
Reputation: 1849
Quote:
Originally Posted by GottaBePretty View Post
Creating an account just for online dating, I never thought of that. Thanks.

The phone I have is prepaid and I can't block numbers. So I'm a little more reluctant to give that out.

Yes, I don't wanna email for months either, but for maybe a week or sooner maybe just to get a 'vibe' from the guy? I think it also depends what is said in the chats and how long they last. The ones where I gave out my number, these guys were very attentive to me and we would just chat back and forth for awhile. I got good vibes from these. Some of these chats were so good that it was me who initiated the first meeting. These guys were just patient and understanding. No pressures from them.

My question is what is the difference between typing on a site or typing in an email? They are both typing, no?
The difference is that it's annoying to log in to a site just to use a primitive message system, while it's easier to shoot someone an email using your phone. I'd rather email someone directly than go through a dating site.

In general, I'd give out email first. As you've said, you'll have a sense of who to give your information to and who not to. There's no hard-and-fast rule but I think 2-3 messages (from each person) is enough to decide whether to meet someone in person or not. There have been times I was having email exchanges with girls and wanted to meet them but they kept asking more questions via email and I found it annoying. Reality is, they probably didn't want to see me but I thought the continued email exchange was annoying.

While there are weirdos, there are also many guys who won't 'abuse' the information you provide them be it an email address or phone number. If things don't work out, you won't need to change your number, block their number or close an email address in most cases. In many cases, the worst that will happen is they send you a couple desperate emails/texts/calls; just don't respond and you should be left alone.
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Old 04-19-2013, 03:06 PM
 
Location: Glasgow, uk
2,393 posts, read 2,831,749 times
Reputation: 1588
Persoanlly I wouldnt give out my number but email I dont mind at all. I would prefer to email as they come straigh to me phone, than wait on messages coming through a website.........Everyone is different though and I respect that
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