how to get him to make up his mind. would apreciate any advice (especially from guys) (dating, married)
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I'm at a crossroads right now. I cant decide what to do about my situation with the guy I'm seeing. We've been dating for 7 months (he's 27, I'm 23). We both know that we need to decide if we want to be officially together or not, but whenever we try to talk about it, we never arrive at a conclusion. I've made my side clear, he knows that I like him and want to be with him officially. So the ball is in his court. He tells me he likes me and his actions follow through with that, he makes time for me, he's very caring and even introduces me as his girl. But whenever we have "the talk" he says he is confused and doesn't know what we should do.
His hesitation hurts me because I really like him and I understand that he needs time to figure things out and I'm willing to give him time and space to sort his thoughts. But I also don't want to wait in this limbo forever because I feel like I am allowing myself to be strung along, and I don't want to be just an option for him. Ideally yes, I would like for him to come around and say that he wants to be with me. But I'm also aware that he might not want to be with me and in that case I would rather he let me go, than stay in this weird unofficial status.
Whether he wants to build a relationship with me or not. I just want him to make up his mind and decide!
I would really appreciate some advice on how to go about this. HOW do I confront him about it without putting him on the spot. What can I do to get him to make up his mind? I don't want him to feel pressured but I know my worth and I feel like I'm at the point where if he cant make up his mind, I'm just going to have to walk away.
Any help is greatly appreciated, especially if any of you guys out there where indecisive about a relationship. Thank you.
Leave the man alone, just because YOU are ready to commit does not mean HE is and if you keep it up he will run screaming as far and as fast as he can away from you.
If you don't want to wait for him then move on already and quit trying to force him to have "the talk" (whatever the heck that means).
DUMP HIM.
He is using you, and if he is unsure at 7 months on whether or not to be exclusive and official, you need to dump him and DON'T LOOK BACK.
I dont care how good the intimacy is or how sweet the pillow talk is.
Walk away, and mean it.
His window of opportunity has passed, he is using you now and you are letting him.
Edit: FWIW, you have already 'confronted' the topic and situation. There is no point in trying over and over and expecting different results.
A man that truely wants a woman to be his gf commits, and it isn't a 7 month dating process. IMO, 3 months is extreme. 7 months is BS.
Last edited by AverageGuy2006; 04-19-2013 at 04:18 PM..
Reason: added final thought
Leave the man alone, just because YOU are ready to commit does not mean HE is and if you keep it up he will run screaming as far and as fast as he can away from you.
If you don't want to wait for him then move on already and quit trying to force him to have "the talk" (whatever the heck that means).
Thank you for your advice. Just to clarify I haven't been forcing him to have "the talk." I brought it up 3 months ago and dropped the conversation when he didn't seem ready to make a decision. We continued hanging out, getting close etc. etc. This time he brought it up, he expresses that he knows we have to decide something, but then he cant seem to decide if he wants us to be together or not.
Thank you for your advice. Just to clarify I haven't been forcing him to have "the talk." I brought it up 3 months ago and dropped the conversation when he didn't seem ready to make a decision. We continued hanging out, getting close etc. etc. This time he brought it up, he expresses that he knows we have to decide something, but then he cant seem to decide if he wants us to be together or not.
If he brought it up and still has no answer to his own question I personally would walk away. The longer you continue to "wait" for him to make up his mind the longer he will take to do just that. Move on and go have a life without him.
you sound sweet....but limbo?? you are 23!!!!! if you get married for the wrong reasons,,then you are limbo..
how do you confront him???
well, whats always worked good when i got confronted was,,,,she usually waited til the height of pms...had cramps and gas.... and said "we need to talk"
then use your special estrogen powers, of remembering every word spoken in the last 8 months and let him have it!!!
seriously,..... men,,are fickle at times,, we may like the "normalcy" of what we have, but in doing so, we take things for granted....and wont realize it til its gone...
so my best advice for you is to have a "goals" talk...start out with maybe working out more to feel better, and then sway into the deeper stuff... "where are we going to be in a year" where do you want to be in a year"? "do you picture me with you in a year? two yrs? 5 yrs?
if this doesnt work,,,try below
there is one particular ultimate position of authority, power, and domination,,,whether you know it or not... that woman have with a guy- its when you are saddled up....you look down....ask the questions, and start leaning back....you will get the answer you want to hear
"there is one particular ultimate position of authority, power, and domination,,,whether you know it or not... that woman have with a guy- its when you are saddled up....you look down....ask the questions, and start leaning back....you will get the answer you want to hear."
this didnt make too much sense to me... could you clarify?
Walk away. Don't you want a guy who knows he wants you and can't stand the thought of being without you? He's had 7 months to get to know you and make up his mind and he says he doesn't know? IMO, "I don't know" means no.
7 months and he's still confused?? He's playing you and wasting your time..Move on
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