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Keep it simple - find a mate and settle - That will be your only friend...as far as friends - have respectable associates to socialize with...Adults don't need "friends" - this is not high school.
You make it sound so simple...yet it's something I struggle with daily. It's like "really, why me? why this? why now? why here?"
I wish it were high school. I had it so good back then, I'd go back and slap myself silly....
No offense but I don't know how women can have troubles dating. As long as you're not hideous and you're not fat, you will have plenty of men courting you. Are you just not able to get the high caliber men that you are desiring?
Actually I can't tell you how many times I've seen women I'd describe as hideous and fat with men and 3 brats trailing close behind. Spinsters must choose their lot cause few women want for company.
I've done everything exactly right when it comes to making friends and everything exactly wrong when it comes to dating. For a little background on me - I'm a guy who has always had plenty of friends and been good at talking to people but because of self esteem issues early on in my days, I struggled very badly to get women. I've overcome the self esteem issues but I'm still in the same situation as I've always been in that I have no dating prospects whatsoever
Making friends: I've talked to lots and lots and lots and lots of people over the years. Usually I'm very confident, easy going, don't care about the outcome, not desperate at all, feel like I can make anybody like me. I am the one who is selective - I usually screen out people and only hang out those who I feel are the highest quality individuals. The result is that I've had dozens and dozens of friends over the years. Because of the amount of friends I've had over the years, making new friends is incredibly easy - I can go out anywhere and meet new guys that I can hang out without really having to do anything. I don't think making friends is difficult at all and I feel like I can make almost anybody like me. Because of my positive attitude, I've been able to make friends in situations where I interacted with people over and over and over again and then we just naturally became friends
Dating: I've talked to a small number of potential romantic partners over the years, much much smaller than when it comes to making friends. I hate approaching and I hate the whole process of talking to a girl to try to see if she may be interested in going out on a date with me. Generally my confidence has not been great (although it's been better recently), I've been somewhat awkward and very awkward at times (that's more in the past but still), not nearly as smooth or charismatic as it comes to making friends. I care about the outcome too much. I'm so incredibly lonely and desperately want somebody that, even though it's pretty well supressed on the surface, I know it still pops up every now and then. Because of the nonexistent amount of success I've had over the years, my only option for dating is the cold approach...something that I find to be immensely difficult bordering on impossible. I can't meet women in the natural and easy progression that I make friends. I've also made dating to be this impossibly difficult obstacle in front of me and I've often times felt like I am destined to be alone my whole life. Because of my negative attitude, I've never had any situations where I interacted with a woman over and over and over again before we naturally started dating...I've had to rely on talking to them once and asking them out, which has resulted in terrible results
I know the knee jerk reaction to this thread is "you know what you have to do, so just go out there and fix it !11!!11". It's not nearly that easy - I have an extremely intense fear of approaching and I hate the whole process of talking to women in regards to dating (I don't mind talking to my female friends or my friend's girlfriends but if it's somebody I find somewhat cute near my age group, it's like pulling teeth)
Any thoughts on this?
I get what you're saying and I agree 100%. My belief is that the problem lies with American culture.
Here in America, people tend to meet their significant other either though high school, or college, because after that period of time, American men and women really don't socialize unless they have to (i.e.,work) so it's hard to meet and socialize with the opposite sex in a natural setting because there are hardly any cultural festivities or large gathering spots other then a college campus that people meet up and are open to talking to other people. Well, you could also include religious functions, but if you're not religious, then you're out.
Then you add in that American women (and even some of the guys) are very insular and afraid of people who they don't know only makes things worse so even if you have the best of intentions they will only treat you as an annoyance and you will be viewed with suspicion if nobody can vouch for who you are.
The only solution I can honestly say that works is to place yourself in a strategic position where people have to talk to you, such as, working at a movie theater, a hotel, a bar, or a gym. It's funny how when you put on a uniform, all of the sudden, you're not a "weird stranger" and people are more receptive of you talking to them.
Last edited by calicali01; 04-22-2013 at 01:50 PM..
You make it sound so simple...yet it's something I struggle with daily. It's like "really, why me? why this? why now? why here?"
I wish it were high school. I had it so good back then, I'd go back and slap myself silly....
Yep, I miss all my teammates. Even in college, my teammates (girls and guys) use to go out and have fun together after practice (bonfires on the beach, Citywalk Hollywood)!
I get what you're saying and I agree 100%. My belief is that the problem lies with American culture.
Here in America, people tend to meet their significant other either though high school, or college, because after that period of time, American men and women really don't socialize unless they have to (i.e.,work) so it's hard to meet and socialize with the opposite sex in a natural setting because there are hardly any cultural festivities or large gathering spots other then a college campus that people meet up and are open to talking to other people. Well, you could also include religious functions, but if you're not religious, then you're out.
Then you add in that American women (and even some of the guys) are very insular and afraid of people who they don't know only makes things worse so even if you have the best of intentions they will only treat you as an annoyance and you will be viewed with suspicion if nobody can vouch for who you are.
The only solution I can honestly say that works is to place yourself in a strategic position where people have to talk to you, such as, working at a movie theater, a hotel, a bar, or a gym. It's funny how when you put on a uniform, all of the sudden, you're not a "weird stranger" and people are more receptive of you talking to them.
The 20's are an age when people do a lot of socializing, go to friends' parties, or hang out in groups, as this OP has said he does regularly, when he's posted before. The question is: why don't his friends invite single women to their parties? Why doesn't the OP make any effort at all to join activities in his city where he could meet women? The OP isn't trying, he's only whining.
The OP's posts wreak of insecurities which is probably the reason why women are turned off. People that are confident who they are whether they have no money, no looks, low paying job, will do better because they are sure of who they are and girls notice and like that. They dont want a guy that tries too hard that complains about his failures. The OP has put women on a pedestal and groups them together like they all share the same brain and find the same things attractive.
I don't know anybody who is single not by choice for that long...certainly nobody who is seemingly well adjusted. BTW your posts are not making me more relaxed. No offense but you're just throwing gas on the fire
Relocation to where? I love where I live and I have a great life with great friends here. Where would I move to anyways where I would have better success than here?
It sounds like you might have some sort of anxiety about romantic relationships. It seems like you are living your life based on what you think should happen.
Maybe its that pressure you seem to be putting on getting in a relationship that is sabotaging you.
You'd be surprised what a simple change in location could do for you. For instance, the western part of town may have a radically different culture to the eastern part of town. (speaking from experience)
I'm not going to tell you that you will get a romantic relationship because I know that that is not guaranteed.
Maybe you should try to find something to be satisfied with other than romantic relationships. ( I know, almost impossible, I tried).
The only thing I could say is that you make your intentions known right off the bat. If she declines, respect it and move on.
(too tired to give a whole hearted example, so I'll give a half assed example)
I approach
Me: Hi, I'm bla bla bla, what is your name.
Woman: I'm...(name) nice to meet you
A nice brief conversation where you talk about various things like city, likes, interests, make the conversation at least as much about her.
Then you can say something like
"I am interested in getting to know you more, (suggest phone number) I'll call you, we can go hang out. "
Again, this is me phoning it in half assed. You just have to somehow build that confidence. I don't know if it means just getting more experience or just having something that you value as much as relationships. Whatever it takes, having that confident vibe can make it a little easier.
Last edited by TJenkins602; 04-22-2013 at 03:08 PM..
The OP's posts wreak of insecurities which is probably the reason why women are turned off. People that are confident who they are whether they have no money, no looks, low paying job, will do better because they are sure of who they are and girls notice and like that. They dont want a guy that tries too hard that complains about his failures. The OP has put women on a pedestal and groups them together like they all share the same brain and find the same things attractive.
t's that the idea of living my whole life without ever finding somebody is just brutal.
If that's true, how come in the 6+ months since you've been posting the same thing over and over, why haven't you taken anyone's advice? You haven't acted on a single one of all the good ideas people have given you.
What's up with that?
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