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Old 04-24-2013, 07:07 AM
 
1,429 posts, read 2,436,823 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123 View Post
so what did she say?

according to you she just messaged you 2 weeks ago wanting to get back together and now you are saying she just apologized...either you believe she was asking to get back with you when apologizing to you, she really did ask you to start up again or neither of the two.

you're causing some pretty significant confusion with the details you give. things really dont add up which is why people are being the way they are with you.



doesn't sound like you communicate very well given you are not even sure at any given moment what she is telling to you.
Because the conversation was both. But more time was spent on her apologizing, that was more so the tone of the conversation. The guilt she feels..

Here's how the conversation went:

She messaged me saying she feels bad for how we ended. That that wasn't who she is, and she couldn't believe she did that. She apologized, and said she feels terrible. I said it's over with now, that I forgave her and know she's not a terrible person. She needs to apply it to the next relationship and not cheat on him. She then said she misses me, that we were meant to be together and if I was willing to give it another chance. I said I couldn't.

That was pretty much the end of it. She seemed more in disbelief and feeling regret, rather than forcing us back together. I said no, and she didn't ask again.

Last edited by TheEarthBeneathMe; 04-24-2013 at 07:18 AM..
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Old 04-24-2013, 08:15 AM
 
9,408 posts, read 13,692,202 times
Reputation: 20394
The very fact you are on this forum posting what you said/she said and feeling bad over the fact she's pregnant and you always envisioned having kids with her etc etc, shows us you are still emotionally attached to this woman.

I think Drover is very right, you are delusional and you are also in denial.
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Old 04-24-2013, 08:57 AM
 
1,429 posts, read 2,436,823 times
Reputation: 1908
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
The very fact you are on this forum posting what you said/she said and feeling bad over the fact she's pregnant and you always envisioned having kids with her etc etc, shows us you are still emotionally attached to this woman.

I think Drover is very right, you are delusional and you are also in denial.
It's called an update!

I always envisioned having kids with her, because I was married to her for 5 years, and together for 10.

That's kind of what happens (having kids together) in serious, long term relationships, and what's expected....


Good grief people..
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Old 04-24-2013, 09:01 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,302,796 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheEarthBeneathMe View Post
Ok, let me try and spell it out for you..

For some people, once they've moved on and came to terms with the end of a relationship - they're perfectly capable of being civil and friendly with the other person.

I doesn't mean hang out. It doesn't mean go to the movies with each other. It doesn't mean daily or even frequent communication.

I've had 9 months to come to terms, and get over it. I'm done grieving and have moved on. She's with a new guy, he sounds great, they look cute together, and I'm happy for her.

I'm happy in my life, and I'm finding girls I enjoy and feel happy with. Aside from being states away from my family, this is perhaps the best my life has ever been...

I don't have or feel all this negativity you guys try to impress on me...

Nobody is being negative here There is nothing "negative" about telling someone the truth.

Of course some people can be civil and friendly after a marriage breaks up.

In fact, it's highly recommended when there are children involved and each person is emotionally healthy enough to attempt it.

But...you two didn't have kids AND your ex has emotional issues.

In addition, nine months is not usually enough time to grieve a 10 year relationship like you two had - so I'm not so sure you have at all "come to terms" or "gotten over it" - though I am glad you feel you are doing so well and so much better.

It's just more of a red flag than you realize or apparently want to accept that you have jumped this quickly into "friend" mode with her - that you even WANT any contact with her this soon. It's just not the norm and may come back to bite you in the azz (emotionally) at some point down the line.

This is why I recommend you speak to a therapist. You may just need a fresh pair of unbiased eyes to help you over this last stage of things.
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Old 04-24-2013, 10:50 AM
 
Location: east coast
2,846 posts, read 2,953,675 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
The very fact you are on this forum posting what you said/she said and feeling bad over the fact she's pregnant and you always envisioned having kids with her etc etc, shows us you are still emotionally attached to this woman.

I think Drover is very right, you are delusional and you are also in denial.
Djuna has a point. You can't post yet expect us not to think you are not still attached. You wanted feedback. You received it but are not willing to accept what is being said by the majority.
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Old 04-24-2013, 10:55 AM
 
Location: east coast
2,846 posts, read 2,953,675 times
Reputation: 1971
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
This is why I recommend you speak to a therapist. You may just need a fresh pair of unbiased eyes to help you over this last stage of things.
This is the most tactful, supportive, and intelligent post you will get. But if you continue to deny and come back with excuses, then you will know the above statement is the truth....

The corner is getting tighter. You are running out of air (excuses). Accept and be well.
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Old 04-24-2013, 11:13 AM
 
9,408 posts, read 13,692,202 times
Reputation: 20394
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheEarthBeneathMe View Post
It's called an update!

I always envisioned having kids with her, because I was married to her for 5 years, and together for 10.

That's kind of what happens (having kids together) in serious, long term relationships, and what's expected....


Good grief people..
It's not an update. It is your ruminating about her. We're not being mean, we're trying to help you understand that what you are doing is not helping you.

You are really in denial about this.
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Old 04-24-2013, 12:10 PM
 
1,429 posts, read 2,436,823 times
Reputation: 1908
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
It's not an update. It is your ruminating about her. We're not being mean, we're trying to help you understand that what you are doing is not helping you.

You are really in denial about this.
Did you miss in the OP where I state - "Anyway, just an update" ?
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Old 04-24-2013, 12:16 PM
 
Location: east coast
2,846 posts, read 2,953,675 times
Reputation: 1971
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheEarthBeneathMe View Post
Did you miss in the OP where I state - "Anyway, just an update" ?
Can't argue with that!
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Old 04-24-2013, 12:19 PM
 
1,429 posts, read 2,436,823 times
Reputation: 1908
Quote:
Originally Posted by halfamazing View Post
Djuna has a point. You can't post yet expect us not to think you are not still attached. You wanted feedback. You received it but are not willing to accept what is being said by the majority.
It's an update. I specifically stated that in the original post...

I've posted almost everything about our problems from the past 2 years or so. This board (and talkaboutmarriage) has been great and generally helpful.

I generally update this board (and the people that have helped..) about things, as I find out about them. That goes for this, as well as other stuff I post..

Kind of killing the desire to keep y'all updated though........
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