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You cannot guarantee her that "breaking up with the guy resulting in violence is infinitesimally small", so I'd be careful about that.
You cut the quote in the wrong place. That sentence makes no sense.
Quote:
She IS done, but there is no harm in taking her time letting him know that.
There may be harm in taking her time.
We cannot say with any certainty if they guy is more likely to harm her if she stays with him or if she breaks up with him can we?
Since the probability of him harming her is infinitesimally small either way, it makes much more sense for her to break up with him immediately.
No, I just think in a situation like this - which the OP got herself into willingly - it would be prudent to exit cautiously.
hiself, not herself. We're both male.
I'm not worried about the violence or stalker possibilities, more the self-harm part. I do feel a sense of responsibility since I did go into this aware of the mental health situation, hence my resistance to just "pulling the plug", so to speak (and I still feel emotionally attached, too, not wanting to do harm to a lover).
I'm not worried about the violence or stalker possibilities, more the self-harm part. I do feel a sense of responsibility since I did go into this aware of the mental health situation, hence my resistance to just "pulling the plug", so to speak (and I still feel emotionally attached, too, not wanting to do harm to a lover).
Apoloigies Dayton, I did assume you were a woman
Agree with you that the bigger possibility is harm to HIM rather than to you, so I can appreciate your wanting to do this the best way possible.
Bipolar schizoaffectives suffer from a wide range of symptoms. There's no way to know what may or may not happen when you tell him you no longer want to date.
As someone with bipolar schizos in the family, I recommend treating him with care, but not necessarily treating him any different than you would anyone else. Basically, don't be an ahole but let it be known you are moving on. There is absolutely no reason to string him along and, in fact, I believe that would do more harm than good.
Thanks...I am already hinting or letting him know that I will be scarce due to a series of back-to-back trips to Kentucky (which is not an execuse as I had these planned months ago), so this will be a good way to wind it down.
I'm not disagreeing with anyone, rather basing my response on personal experience, that worked for me. I was seeing a man, just dating him around the edges, REALLY liked him. But then I didn't hear from him for a few days, so I called him for a change, and asked him about it, and he told me, very simply, "I'm with someone else now." I immediately understood and got over it very quickly. But let us suppose for a mloment that I was a crazy person, and that was said to me. Guess what, the same reaction would happen. You see, what they DON'T know won't hurt them. I wouldn't try to work around an insane person, either, that's cat and mouse with a deadly weapon... him. If he gets to questioning you, you can say, "Well, I just simply like this person more." If he asks if you were seeing this person whilst seeing you, you say, "Now, that's enough, Elmer. I'm with someone else now, and it has nothing to do with you, it's just the way things are. I wish you the best," and then HANG UP. He is not going to freak out or anything. And the less you talk with him, the better. If you all are sharing a household, well, perhaps then lovesMountains has the right idea, tho. SMILE.
Send him a letter in a nice card with a puppy on it or something. Stay away from this fellow. There is nothing but trouble ahead with a person like this.
My first ex (a wonderful beautiful human being) committed suicide on the same day we broke up. It took me at least 2 years of intense grief therapy to realize I am not responsible for his undiagnosed untreated mood disorder and depression. It has to be the hardest thing I have to endure my entire life.
Don't end up being a suicide survivor like me. If your partner has displayed suicide warning signs, take it very seriously.
So far my lover has not threatened suicide, but he did have an attempt in the past (We talked a lot about his history) and his brother recently attempted it (came pretty close to suceeding, too)...so its something I am concerned about. Thanks for the link, lilyflower!
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