Expensive dates early on (dating, how to, woman, husband)
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I am seeing this guy casually. He knows I am the type to take everything , including sex, slow. Recently he spent a lot of money on a date for us. (over $200 I estimate whereas regularly our dates average maybe $20) Because of a conversation we once had about another man who wanted to do something similar for me and I refused, I think he thinks this means something, is symbolic of something. I had no idea the cost of this date until friends who are used to expensive dates clued me in. Now I'm uncertain how to reciprocate. I would not have accepted had I known the cost. Any suggestions? I was thinking either to give him some money and just tell him I didn't realize how expensive it was and I can't let him pay or to just offer to take him to dinner anywhere he wants, even somewhere very expensive. My friends say just let him pay and don't worry about it, you don't owe him anything. I'm not feeling sexually pressured or anything (maybe I'm a fool and the men here will "let me have it " with their responses shortly lol) , I just feel it's a bit much and I'm not ready for commitment that ties in , in my opinion, to accepting something of that cost. Help . . .
Let him buy it for you. As time goes by you won't have this anymore. My mom told me once a guy thinks he has you many stop showering you with flattery. Many turn to cheapos.
His choice to spend so much on a date and I did not see where you posted "He said he wants a commitment because he spent so much on a date". Let it go and do not try to "give back" unless of course you want to completely offend him then you won't have to worry about another date with him let alone an expensive one.
If you're not feeling any type of pressure and the guy wants to treat you and himself to a nice date, why not just let it be? I was dating my husband just a month and a half when we went out for our first New Year's Eve dinner. He spent $200 and that was almost 20 years ago. I didn't feel pressured. I didn't feel like I owed him anything. I felt that I'm worth a really nice expensive dinner once in a while. If the guy likes to treat himself and his date to nice things, why shouldn't he, especially if it's clear that he's not "expecting" anything in return? Next time you go out you treat and it doesn't have to be expensive.
If you're not feeling any type of pressure and the guy wants to treat you and himself to a nice date, why not just let it be? I was dating my husband just a month and a half when we went out for our first New Year's Eve dinner. He spent $200 and that was almost 20 years ago. I didn't feel pressured. I didn't feel like I owed him anything. I felt that I'm worth a really nice expensive dinner once in a while. If the guy likes to treat himself and his date to nice things, why shouldn't he, especially if it's clear that he's not "expecting" anything in return? Next time you go out you treat and it doesn't have to be expensive.
Yeah, I guess that's what I'm leaning towards, letting him choose somewhere for dinner my treat next time. It's funny I seem to be the only one uncomfortable with this. . .
I am seeing this guy casually. He knows I am the type to take everything , including sex, slow. Recently he spent a lot of money on a date for us. (over $200 I estimate whereas regularly our dates average maybe $20) Because of a conversation we once had about another man who wanted to do something similar for me and I refused, I think he thinks this means something, is symbolic of something. I had no idea the cost of this date until friends who are used to expensive dates clued me in. Now I'm uncertain how to reciprocate. I would not have accepted had I known the cost. Any suggestions? I was thinking either to give him some money and just tell him I didn't realize how expensive it was and I can't let him pay or to just offer to take him to dinner anywhere he wants, even somewhere very expensive. My friends say just let him pay and don't worry about it, you don't owe him anything. I'm not feeling sexually pressured or anything (maybe I'm a fool and the men here will "let me have it " with their responses shortly lol) , I just feel it's a bit much and I'm not ready for commitment that ties in , in my opinion, to accepting something of that cost. Help . . .
You don't owe him anything.
If you want to offer to reimburse him for part of the date, do so.
If you want to offer to take him out someplace, do so.
If you don't. He took you there of his own volition.
You don't owe him anything.
I echo the posters who say you don't owe him anything and as long as you don't feel pressured and he doesn't pressure you, I don't see a problem. It's possible he is spending more money on you because he feels it will "convince" you somehow to move fast or maybe he just likes to spend money, but doesn't want to spend it on just any girl.
Perhaps the best solution is to just go back to dates where he is spending an amount you are comfortable with or maybe you should plan and pay for a date.
Do you want to take him someplace nice? If so - then do so. But don't do it because you feel guilty about how much he spent on you. That was his choice. And I wouldn't offer to reimburse him after the fact. I think that might make things awkward. I think that would make me feel awkward if someone offered to reimburse me for something after the fact. But like I said - if you want to do something nice for him in return - then go ahead. But it should be because you want to do something nice for him and not as "payment."
Sometimes people just get a lot of pleasure out of doing something nice for someone. It also could have been something that he wanted to do or somewhere he wanted to go - and you happened to benefit from this! My husband once paid for a fancy schmacy hotel for him and this girl he was seeing (before me, obviously) - and he said he did so because HE really wanted to stay there!
I am seeing this guy casually. He knows I am the type to take everything , including sex, slow. Recently he spent a lot of money on a date for us. (over $200 I estimate whereas regularly our dates average maybe $20) Because of a conversation we once had about another man who wanted to do something similar for me and I refused, I think he thinks this means something, is symbolic of something.
Ok this is what got my attention. He may be thinking this means you like him more than the other guy who you wouldn't allow to spend that much money on you.
Obviously he enjoys your company and likes you a lot so I think it's best to discuss the concerns you stated in your post with him in a nice way. That you enjoy his company too, but you're afraid this is going to propel your relationship into another level. I'm afraid if you offer him some money that it'll be a big insult to him, as if in an un-nice way saying whoa dude I don't like you that much. ??? Maybe?
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