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Say you're driving with your gf on the highway, you narrowly avoid an accident, her mood changes to cold and distant. You try to talk to her and she remains cold and distant, refusing to even look at you. You have 20 mins left on your trip to drop her off so just sitting there, saying nothing is bad and makes it seem like her behavior is justified. What do you do to change the situation around? (Remember, the situation that caused her mood swing is irrelevant. If it isn't narrowly avoiding an accident, it's some other random thing. The key here is how to react to over-reactions.)
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Originally Posted by burgler09
Overreacting is poor behavior and shouldn't be treated positively. Emotions should learn to be controlled, not enabled by other people.
When children throw temper tantrums, should the parents start babying them and apologizing and asking what they want?
Overreacting is a childish behavior, and should be treated that way.
Who decides what is overreacting and what is an appropriate reaction?
The OP is about overreacting and is asking for advice. If he thinks his gf is overreacting and going crazy, she most likely is...
I personally wouldn't deal with a moody girl constantly whining. If I did, I wouldn't put up with it and id tell her she needs to start chilling out. Then she'd go crazy and probably dump me and I wouldn't care.
The OP is about overreacting and is asking for advice. If he thinks his gf is overreacting and going crazy, she most likely is...
Well, he's started a million threads on this woman and how horrible she is - and how he wants us to tell him how to handle her or change her. At some point, he's going to have to actually learn how to deal with his girlfriend himself or simply break up with her if she's such a witch.
My point is that we are not in the relationship and can't carry it on for him - which is what he seems to want from us.
I still believe there is a general, best-practice way to deal with over-reactions from anyone.
For example, if you find someone arguing and yelling at you, you can say, "Am I yelling?" to bring their obnoxiousness to their attention. There is something you can say, for almost any general, I'm-going-to-ignore-you scenario, that will be superior to doing nothing. It exists.
Your posts indicate that you have a need to control people, and that when you can't, you want to be able to manipulate them into doing what you want them to do, saying what you want them to say, and being how you want them to be.
Grown-ups don't work that way. At this stage of the game, if you don't like her behavior, you need to end the relationship.
But one more thing: Your approach to conflict resolution needs work. For instance, you telling her that her reaction is "odd" is a judgment call on your part that you have no right to make. We all have a right to our moods and feelings, and she did the right thing by not getting upset and fighting with you while you were driving. Your statement that her reaction was "odd" would put most people on the defensive from the get-go. But also, maybe you're a lousy driver, and she's sick of your "near misses." My ex-husband was a lousy driver. I could count the number of times we did NOT have a near-miss when we went somewhere, and it was invariably my side of the car that would have taken the brunt of the accident. It got to the point where I said to him, "You know, my life insurance policy isn't worth THAT much."
The bottom line is that she has a right to her feelings and moods. Maybe most reasonable people would feel they were extreme if they knew her. But how we feel about it is irrelevant. You've been complaining about her for weeks, to the extent that it's very obvious that you neither respect nor even like her. Frankly, I'm surprised she hasn't picked up on your animosity and dumped you. I certainly would have, just based on the way you present yourself on this forum.
Well, he's started a million threads on this woman and how horrible she is - and how he wants us to tell him how to handle her or change her. At some point, he's going to have to actually learn how to deal with his girlfriend himself or simply break up with her if she's such a witch.
My point is that we are not in the relationship and can't carry it on for him - which is what he seems to want from us.
Well, he's started a million threads on this woman and how horrible she is - and how he wants us to tell him how to handle her or change her. At some point, he's going to have to actually learn how to deal with his girlfriend himself or simply break up with her if she's such a witch.
My point is that we are not in the relationship and can't carry it on for him - which is what he seems to want from us.
His million threads are overreacting. In fact, they are odd.
Say you're driving with your gf on the highway, you narrowly avoid an accident, her mood changes to cold and distant. You try to talk to her and she remains cold and distant, refusing to even look at you. You have 20 mins left on your trip to drop her off so just sitting there, saying nothing is bad and makes it seem like her behavior is justified. What do you do to change the situation around? (Remember, the situation that caused her mood swing is irrelevant. If it isn't narrowly avoiding an accident, it's some other random thing. The key here is how to react to over-reactions.)
So, were you responsible for the near miss? If you were responsible, then you owed her an heartfelt apology and hug.
BTW, hugs really do make a difference! I use them quite frequently, and have had great results!!
FYI: Scaring the living day lights out of a girlfriend or spouse, whether intentional or not, would warrant (on your part) some type of empathetic response/ care and concern.
But you don't have to take my (happily-married-for-twenty-three-years) word for it!
Last edited by picklejuice; 04-24-2013 at 10:57 AM..
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If you were responsible, then you owed her an heartfelt apology and hug. 
