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Old 04-25-2013, 04:41 PM
 
Location: Colorado Denver
480 posts, read 486,140 times
Reputation: 335

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Researchers seem to be coming to a consensus lately that for humans, much like it is for other mammals, sticking with just one partner for life may not be natural. But whether or not it's possible is another story entirely. In several of the closest species of animals to humans, one study found that 80 percent of animals were polyamorous, or had multiple partners, in their lives. Overall, just 3 to 5 percent of animals chose one mate for life. That doesn't mean people shouldn't strive to be monogamous, necessarily; it just means it's difficult. More than half of American marriages end in divorce, and many spouses will admit to infidelity, albeit confidentially. Some figures find that the rate of cheating among spouses is as high as 60 percent. The manner in which different cultures view polyamory is worth examining when trying to answer the question of whether or not it's possible to be monogamous.

According to Dr. Helen Fisher, the biological anthropologist, there is an ancient human tendency to partner and re-partner, which she calls the “four year itch.” A long time ago, it was assumed that if a child lived to see age four, he or she would survive. The biological parents were then free to move on to new sexual adventures, and the child would be passed on to the group, at which time the “it takes a village” mentality would kick in. This dates back millions of years to a time when men and women were equal on many different levels —economically, socially and sexually. Some gathered, some hunted, but there’s one thing they all did, rather frequently, too —they had sex. They had to! How else could the human race survive and thrive? The only way to secure the future was to have lots and lots of sex, with lots and lots of different partners. But, Dr. Fisher also believes in free will. We may be programmed to do this, but it does not mean we have to. That’s the crux of it. Isn’t it better to focus our energy, love, and bodies on the partner with whom we chose to make a home and a family?

Esther Perel, author of “Mating in Captivity” explained the psychology behind it all. Very often, men and women have affairs because they have lost something or someone in the previous year or two. Perhaps someone close to them died, or left home, or they lost a job. Even more profound, Esther has found that women especially can feel as though they’ve lost a part of themselves, and by having an affair, they can reclaim it. Interestingly enough, people usually don’t have affairs because they no longer love their partners. People who identify as polyamorous typically reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are necessary for deep, committed, long-term loving relationships. Those who are open to, or emotionally suited for, polyamory may embark on a polyamorous relationship when single or already in a monogamous or open relationship. Sex is not necessarily a primary focus in polyamorous relationships, which commonly consist of people seeking to build long-term relationships with more than one person on mutually agreeable grounds, with sex as only one aspect of their relationships. In practice, polyamorous relationships are highly varied and individualized according to those participating. For many, such relationships are ideally built upon values of trust, loyalty, the negotiation of boundaries, and comparison, as well as overcoming jealousy, possessiveness, and the rejection of restrictive cultural standards. Powerful intimate bonding among three or more persons may occur. The skills and attitudes needed to manage polyamorous relationships add challenges that are not often found in the traditional "dating-and-marriage" model of long-term relationships. Polyamory may require a more fluid and flexible approach to love relationship, and yet operate on a complex system of boundaries or rules. Additionally, participants in a polyamorous relationship may not have, nor expect their partners to have, preconceptions as to the duration of the relationship, in contrast to monogamous marriages where a lifelong union is generally the goal. However, polyamorous relationships can and do last many years. So may I ask you what is your view on unhappy marriages would you throw it all way and divorce or do you think you could have a polyamorous relationship? How about if you could find someone else to fill in the blanks what if your spouse is everything you want except a good communicator , sexual, housekeeper, travels a lot , whatever is missing in your almost perfect mate or if your mate could fill in the blanks you don't have? Could you, would you, have you consider this life style? Do you think if we as Americans adapted more to this lifestyle we would have less divorce and happier relationships?

Last edited by Mikala43; 04-25-2013 at 05:06 PM.. Reason: Paragraphs
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Old 04-25-2013, 04:43 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,370 posts, read 12,765,814 times
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I would rather cheat than adopt a polyamorous lifestyle. I can't love more than one person, but I can shag more than one. Furthermore I think the idea that infidelity=divorce is short sighted.
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Old 04-25-2013, 04:50 PM
 
Location: Colorado Denver
480 posts, read 486,140 times
Reputation: 335
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
I would rather cheat than adopt a polyamorous lifestyle. I can't love more than one person, but I can shag more than one.
LoL okay what if your partner no longer enjoys sex and lets say you love baseball and concerts but its a no go for your partner. what if your partner agreed. You could Find another to shag, go to baseball games ,and go out to concerts with this other person would you do it, do you think you'd bond with that person?
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Old 04-25-2013, 04:53 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,370 posts, read 12,765,814 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LostMyself73 View Post
LoL okay what if your partner no longer enjoys sex and lets say you love baseball and concerts but its a no go for your partner. what if your partner agreed. You could Find another to shag, go to baseball games ,and go out to concerts with this other person would you do it, do you think you'd bond with that person?
Honestly I would just F the other person and leave it at that, no concerts etc. No bonding either. I can barely bond with 1 person, let alone 2. I can go to concerts with friends and family.
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Old 04-25-2013, 05:05 PM
 
Location: Colorado Denver
480 posts, read 486,140 times
Reputation: 335
Okay that's beyond honest and yeah if that works for you. Honestly I see a lot of friends,coworkers, neighbors divorcing and yet I wonder if maybe if they had an agreement to find someone to fill in the missing peaces if they could still keep all the great things they have together?
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Old 04-25-2013, 08:49 PM
 
Location: Round Rock, Texas
10,784 posts, read 10,198,896 times
Reputation: 14312
If the marriage is unhappy, I'd end it. I don't need to be unhappy with someone when I could be happy by myself.
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Old 04-25-2013, 09:05 PM
 
Location: Up in the air
19,121 posts, read 26,694,116 times
Reputation: 16255
I can't imagine being with 2 people at once... just the thought of being with one person is exhausting to me.
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Old 04-25-2013, 09:07 PM
 
Location: Colorado Denver
480 posts, read 486,140 times
Reputation: 335
I'm thinking more along the lines of mostly a good relationship but not completely satisfied life women not wanting to have sex or men not wanting to be romantic what if you could have 2 options for your needs to be met
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Old 04-25-2013, 09:24 PM
 
Location: Emerald Coast, FL
5,322 posts, read 8,368,517 times
Reputation: 8667
Quote:
Originally Posted by LostMyself73 View Post
I'm thinking more along the lines of mostly a good relationship ... what if you could have 2 options for your needs to be met
That could work for me. I've been in poly and open relationships, so I know it can work. It's very difficult to find one truly compatible partner, never mind two or more. However, it does happen.
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Old 04-25-2013, 09:28 PM
 
Location: Lower east side of Toronto
10,586 posts, read 10,776,239 times
Reputation: 9293
Quote:
Originally Posted by LostMyself73 View Post
Okay that's beyond honest and yeah if that works for you. Honestly I see a lot of friends,coworkers, neighbors divorcing and yet I wonder if maybe if they had an agreement to find someone to fill in the missing peaces if they could still keep all the great things they have together?
People who are empty of soul will never find enough "missing pieces" to fill that void. This thread is disturbing.
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