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I just said boring. I never said they were horrible or offensive, just boring.
And you hit the point, that's just it...for me, the conversation doesn't flow when someone asks that question.
"What do you do for a living?"
"I clean toilets at Disneyland."
"..."
"..."
I mean, really. There is so much more to a person than what they do.
(The above example is something my brother did for a very long time while he went to school. Would he have been turned away for that answer? He's a very successful Mechanical Engineer now who has patents so, hey, he's more than just a toilet cleaner at Disneyland.)
Like I said, I used to work at a gym as my day job. I also catered. Once I even tried to sell comedy tickets on the street. Worst job ever. 2 days of my life I'll never get back.
When people asked me what I did for a living when I was doing those things - I didn't LET it be a conversation killer. That's my point. I'm not going to let one simple question rule out a person. So, when people asked what I did when I worked at the gym, I would say something like, "Well, I work at the front desk of a gym. I really HATE it! I'm a musical theatre performer and working at the gym gives me the flexibility to audition during the day and work at the gym in the evenings. But we do get a lot of celebrities at the gym - so that's exciting. And there are some really nice members that offset all the total a-holes!" Or something like that. I guess that's my point. It's not really about the question - it's about the 2 people involved. Any question can be a conversation killer if you let it be. Even, "What do you do to relax?" "I read." "Oh." ....
Like I said, I used to work at a gym as my day job. I also catered. Once I even tried to sell comedy tickets on the street. Worst job ever. 2 days of my life I'll never get back.
When people asked me what I did for a living when I was doing those things - I didn't LET it be a conversation killer. That's my point. I'm not going to let one simple question rule out a person. So, when people asked what I did when I worked at the gym, I would say something like, "Well, I work at the front desk of a gym. I really HATE it! I'm a musical theatre performer and working at the gym gives me the flexibility to audition during the day and work at the gym in the evenings. But we do get a lot of celebrities at the gym - so that's exciting. And there are some really nice members that offset all the total a-holes!" Or something like that. I guess that's my point. It's not really about the question - it's about the 2 people involved. Any question can be a conversation killer if you let it be. Even, "What do you do to relax?" "I read." "Oh." ....
I was editing while you were writing. I added more about my brother at the end that I think are far more interesting things about him and could take a conversation in to a whole new area and really get to know the person well and things would flow really well from there.
Sure, you have a longer answer, but even at the end, what does one say after you have said, "to offset the aholes who are there"?
"Well, I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors."
Ok...now what?
OR, just talking, things flow and it's totally natural...not paused, uncomfortable or total silence from the other side.
I was editing while you were writing. I added more about my brother at the end that I think are far more interesting things about him and could take a conversation in to a whole new area and really get to know the person well and things would flow really well from there.
Sure, you have a longer answer, but even at the end, what does one say after you have said, "to offset the aholes who are there"?
"Well, I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors."
Ok...now what?
OR, just talking, things flow and it's totally natural...not paused, uncomfortable or total silence from the other side.
Now anything! I don't have to end things there. I could go on. Or they might have something to comment on what I have said. Maybe they want to know which celebrities have come in. I could tell them the story of me pissing off Spike Lee or the wonderful conversation I had with Brooke Shields. I could tell them about the shows I've done. I could go into what kind of music I like to sing and what kind of music I like to listen to. I could tell them a funny story about a show I was in. I could ask them if they like the theatre.
I'm not really clear on why you think some things are good for a conversation and some things aren't. Like Divine said - you are either a good conversationalist or you aren't. And if someone isn't interested in my conversation - then they probably aren't the right person for me.
And as for there being more to us than what we do - well, there is more to all of us than what we do, our hobbies, our senses of humor, etc. But when you are getting to know someone - you have to start somewhere. I guess I don't think it really matters where you start.
Please stay away from these types of questions during the first 10 mins of a first conversation because the conversation boring and doesn't create any opportunities for laughing and pleasant phone talk
what do you do for a living?
Do you like it?
Where do u go to college?
Where do u see yourself in 5 years?
Do you live alone?
Do you drive?
All those questions give off a "JUDGMENTAL VIBE" and makes the conversation too scripted and boring.
Instead these questions below are the ones people should be asking to generate a light and fun conversation so the conversation can take off and move in the right direction.
So are ready for the spring season?
Do you prefer spring or summer?
How long have you been on the dating service?
Have u met anyone off there yet?
So are u nervous on 1st dates?
What are someone your 1st dates ideas?
What type of food do u enjoy eating the most
Have you been this restaurant?
What do u do in your spare time?
See how all those questions would make a conversation fun and enjoyable and then u can eventually lead into what someone does for a living. I am so tired of hanging up on women for asking me dumb questions in the 5 mins like I being evaluated.
MAKE IT FUN CONVERSATION!!!!!!!!
This is basic small talk. The Q about where you see yourself in 5 Y is from an HR screening interview and would strike me as odd. I wouldn't recommend that guys ask women if they live alone within a few minutes.
Your recommended questions aren't any less boring or better (or worse) than the others. They're part of the standard boiler plate stuff you ask when talking to a stranger. If the conversation is going well, it will become more specific and your conversations will improve over time.
These sorts of questions, while they can be annoying, aren't going away. They're common when meeting new people, so hope you can engage them enough to lead to less generic conversation.
I understand that - but I don't understand the idea that the mere question of what you do for a living as being the worst, most horrible, most offensive, most boring thing you could possibly ask and that the only people who ask it are horrible, offensive, and boring.
It's just a question.
I don't think I've ever had a conversation with anyone that seemed like an interview (except for my aunt one time, because she was basically interviewing me to see if I was motivated enough for her to give me some money to help me out on my career path after college. I failed her interview. Worst lunch of my life.). Most conversations either flow or they don't - but it's more about the 2 people involved than the exact questions involved. You either "get" someone or you don't.
So when you get on the phone with someone for the first time the first thing that comes to mind to ask them is what they do for a living? It's so many more things to ask in the 1st 15 mins
Now anything! I don't have to end things there. I could go on. Or they might have something to comment on what I have said. Maybe they want to know which celebrities have come in. I could tell them the story of me pissing off Spike Lee or the wonderful conversation I had with Brooke Shields. I could tell them about the shows I've done. I could go into what kind of music I like to sing and what kind of music I like to listen to. I could tell them a funny story about a show I was in. I could ask them if they like the theatre.
I'm not really clear on why you think some things are good for a conversation and some things aren't. Like Divine said - you are either a good conversationalist or you aren't. And if someone isn't interested in my conversation - then they probably aren't the right person for me.
And as for there being more to us than what we do - well, there is more to all of us than what we do, our hobbies, our senses of humor, etc. But when you are getting to know someone - you have to start somewhere. I guess I don't think it really matters where you start.
I'm going off of my own experiences. When those questions have been asked, it quickly dies out from there. Unfortunately, (or maybe not?), I don't have great work stories of pissing off Spike Lee, (that would be awesome to hear), so after I answer what I have done, they might have a few questions, but then they seem not to know how to continue. Even when I worked for a cruise line, or as an airboat captain, I have a ton to talk about in regards to those jobs, have plenty of experiences...but once the thrill of, "zOMG, you were around alligators?!?!!?" wears off, they don't seem to know what else to say even when I ask them questions.
Then it goes on to, "So, what do you like to do for fun?"
There's nothing wrong with questions, I just find some of them to be off putting because, in my experience, I AM being judged and they don't get much further than that.
So when you get on the phone with someone for the first time the first thing that comes to mind to ask them is what they do for a living? It's so many more things to ask in the 1st 15 mins
I've never dated like that - but my point is that I don't see asking what you do for a living as a boring, offensive, horrible or bad question. When I meet friends of friends - we usually ask this of each other. "How do you know each other?" "Do you work together?" "What do you do for a living?" "Did you go to college or grad school together?"
Like I said - I just don't see it as being the horrible question that you seem to think it is. Conversations have to start somewhere. You are either going to get along with someone or you aren't - but I can't imagine letting one question get in the way of getting to know someone.
I'm going off of my own experiences. When those questions have been asked, it quickly dies out from there. Unfortunately, (or maybe not?), I don't have great work stories of pissing off Spike Lee, (that would be awesome to hear), so after I answer what I have done, they might have a few questions, but then they seem not to know how to continue. Even when I worked for a cruise line, or as an airboat captain, I have a ton to talk about in regards to those jobs, have plenty of experiences...but once the thrill of, "zOMG, you were around alligators?!?!!?" wears off, they don't seem to know what else to say even when I ask them questions.
Then it goes on to, "So, what do you like to do for fun?"
There's nothing wrong with questions, I just find some of them to be off putting because, in my experience, I AM being judged and they don't get much further than that.
Do people really not understand how conversations work? They are not a straight line from question to answer to fascination. They are windy roads with dead ends and u-turns. One tosses out a topic to see where it leads. Maybe it leads to 3 hours on that subject. Maybe not. Maybe it leads to 5 minutes on that subject and 20 minutes on a tangent. Maybe bot. Maybe it leads to "I never want to talk to you again". Maybe not. Maybe it leads to a small piece of information being shared that comes up again later. Maybe not.
F'ing people man.
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