Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm so sorry you are going through this . I think your level of embarrassment is excessive, though, and something you should look into.
It's normal to be a little embarrassed, but your reaction sounds extreme. And why worry about him dumping you? Any normal person would feel empathy for you and want to take care of you when you are sick. If that's not his reaction, you should dump HIM. (I'm not joking. It would mean he has serious issues.)
I'm wondering if you would have felt this embarrassed if the evening had been with your best friend, or your mom. If not, then you should look at why you are so concerned about him in particular. Does he make you feel like you have to walk on eggshells? If you would have felt the same way around someone else you are close to, then why is that? Why do you feel it's not ok to be human?
I agree that you should do something about the job and/or the stomach sit, before you permanently damage your health. I think counseling would help tremendously.
If I was the guy in that situation, I might be weirded out a little leaving my place and getting food with you only because it wouldn't seem to make much sense.
You got sick 3 times, and you want to put more food/substance in your system?
I would just mostly be concerned for your well being, and I honestly would have insisted on staying in and ordering some food for delivery or pick up nearby or something.
But it certainly wouldn't affect how I feel or view you, especially after four months.
And on top of it, at least you put in the effort and showed up to hang out even though you were stressed. If you had cancelled plans on me 'cause you were sick' after not seeing you for a week, I may wonder if you are losing interest in me.
But you did the best you could, and I wouldn't hold any of it against you. People get sick. It's a pretty human function. It's not pretty, but it happens.
Um, just as an addendum to my initial post, OP, it should be noted that you are now stressing over being stressed. Please get help for this. There are so much happier ways to live!
Um, just as an addendum to my initial post, OP, it should be noted that you are now stressing over being stressed. Please get help for this. There are so much happier ways to live!
Good point. I don't think you should be stressing this much over getting sick around him. It's been four months - don't you feel comfortable around him?
Thanks, everyone, for the feedback. Just to touch on a few of the comments...
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector
What happened is not a problem. However, your out-of-control anxiety IS a problem and could tank your relationship in the long run. Go to your doctor and ask for medication. See a therapist. Take up meditation. And start looking for a new job, because NOTHING is worth that kind of stress.
Normally, my job isn't this stressful. Of course, I have good and bad days, but usually I can handle things fine on a day-to-day basis. That said, when I met with my department director on Friday, to discuss a potential promotion, she told me she's concerned about how I deal with stress, and feels that I personally take on too much responsibility. I know I won't make an effective manager if I can't handle stress, so it's something I know I need to work on. My guy even mentioned to me during our dinner conversation last night, something to the effect of, "If you're so stressed out at work now, do you even WANT the added stress of being a manager?" He's got a good point... but I'm telling myself it's just been an exceptionally sh*tty week at work and things will get better.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones
I'm so sorry you are going through this . I think your level of embarrassment is excessive, though, and something you should look into.
It's normal to be a little embarrassed, but your reaction sounds extreme. And why worry about him dumping you? Any normal person would feel empathy for you and want to take care of you when you are sick. If that's not his reaction, you should dump HIM. (I'm not joking. It would mean he has serious issues.)
I'm wondering if you would have felt this embarrassed if the evening had been with your best friend, or your mom. If not, then you should look at why you are so concerned about him in particular. Does he make you feel like you have to walk on eggshells? If you would have felt the same way around someone else you are close to, then why is that? Why do you feel it's not ok to be human?
I agree that you should do something about the job and/or the stomach sit, before you permanently damage your health. I think counseling would help tremendously.
I'm not worried about him dumping me, it was just an awkward and embarrassing situation, and the first time something like that has happened to me. He was very understanding about it, and in general, he's one of the most chill people I've met. I just feel bad because it came out of nowhere for me... I was feeling fine, having a nice time with him, and BOOM, I had to puke. As soon as I relaxed and had a beer... although I'll say, I did chug the beer pretty fast...
If you read previous threads I've posted, it's been a slow-going process dating this guy. Being a "nervous" person in general, I tend to hyperanalyze every aspect of our relationship... After 4 months, I finally feel like things are "normal" with us, and we're in a good place, and then this happens to me... Deep down, I know it's not a big deal (to him, anyway) but I can't help feeling horrible about it. Just when I was finally feeling good about our relationship, I inadvertantly act like a dumb *****.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector
Um, just as an addendum to my initial post, OP, it should be noted that you are now stressing over being stressed. Please get help for this. There are so much happier ways to live!
Yeah, I know... It's a problem. See my comment above about "just when I'm feeling good" ... This isn't the first time I've vomited from stress, just the first time it's happened in front of someone I'm romantically involved with...
I'm trying to just let it go, and I won't make a big deal of it when I talk to / see him next. I'm going to call him tomorrow to confirm weekend plans, and I'll just say something like, "I really need to get out and have some fun after a rough week!" I'm sure he'll be cool about it...
Quote:
Originally Posted by findly185
I threw up all over myself, the guy and his house on a first date once (alcohol induced) and he let it slide. You'll be fine.
Ok, confession... On my first date with this guy, I had a similar thing happen. I was nervous, and didn't eat much dinner before meeting up with him. We went to cocktail bar, and I ended up having a few too many gin-and-tonics. I was fine, albeit a little drunk, till we started kissing. Then... I had to excuse myself to go to the bathroom, and ended up getting sick... He didn't know it at the time, though I admitted it later. He was understanding, and a week later we went out again and have been seeing each other ever since. He does tease me about avoiding gin, though...
If he dumps you over something that silly, he is an idiot.
You shouldnt be this concerned, this is something normal, getting sick, we all have been there, is not that you commited a crime. Plus, its not your first date, you ve been going out 4 months with this guy!!
100% you will laugh about this in the future. You shouldnt stress that much over something so silly, you already have your work concerns. Relax. Im sure he didnt care at all.
Much better to throw up than have diarrhea. I wouldn't be embarrassed about throwing up, but I'd be embarrassed if I'd had diarrhea. Be sure to find a way to reduce that stress and anxiety, though. I'd be more concerned about that than being embarrassed with this guy. He seems decent and like he genuinely didn't mind. Don't worry about it!
I ended up talking to him today at lunch time. He told me not to worry about what happened, and was glad I was doing okay, then asked me out for dinner at a Mexican restaurant this weekend.
Hey everyone, this is mainly just a rant 'n' b*tch session, because I'm feeling embarrassed about what happened to me last night...
So, I got together with my guy last night. It had been a week since our last date, and that past week has been hell for me at my job. I'll skip on details, but basically there have been a bunch of changes in my department, I'm taking on a ton more responsibility at work, trying to get promoted, etc. I've been stressed out, not sleeping well, and feeling sick because of it. When I'm stressed, I get terrible stomach issues... it's just how stress manifests in my system...
Anyhow, I'd been really looking forward to last night. I missed my guy, and the weather has been beautiful here this week, so it was a great night to go out. We started out just chilling out on his deck, drinking a couple beers and watching the sunset. (Sounds nice and romantic, right? Haha...) For the first time all week, I started to actually relax... then we started talking about work...
As I was talking about what's going on at my job, I started feeling sick. After about 20 minutes, I excused myself to use the bathroom, and while I was in there, I threw up... twice. Nothing was "wrong" with me, per se, I was just coming down off a super stressful week, and it manifested physically. I'd only had one beer, so it's not like I was even remotely "drunk." My guy came down to make sure I was okay, and I admitted what happened to me. He was totally cool about it, but I was humiliated...
I told him I needed a few minutes before we went anywhere, so he asked if we could watch the end of the Cubs game. That seemed fine with me, because I needed to just tune out and relax. Once the game ended, he mentioned that he was getting hungry, and I thought I was okay to go out. However, once I stood up, I felt sick again and had to run to the bathroom... and throw up, one more time! By then, I was shaking and trying not to cry because I was so horribly embarrassed. Once again, he was completely cool, but still... He asked if I wanted to just stay at his place and order in food, but I let him know I needed/wanted to go out.
We headed out, found a restaurant with a patio to eat, and once I sat down and had some food and fresh air, I was fine for the rest of the night. We had a good dinner, and talked about getting together this weekend for Cinco De Mayo. But the evening just seemed to fall flat... I had a hard time making conversation because I was so embarrassed, and he tried making me feel better, but didn't seem to know what to do... (Not that there's really anything he could've done anyhow.)
Today, I'm just feeling sad and disappointed... I feel like I ruined what was supposed to be a fun night because I'm so preoccupied with my job lately... I'm 99% sure everything is cool with my guy, but I can't shake the humiliation, just the same. I apologized several times last night, and feel guilty about it today. I'm tempted to send an "I'm sorry" text, but don't want to overkill on the apologies.
Guys, if you're reading this... Would you be totally weirded out and turned off if something like that happened to a woman while on a date? Keep in mind, I've been seeing this guy for 4 months, so we're pretty "established." I really don't think he'd dump me over it, but I'm still feeling awful about it... ugh...
naaaaaaaahhh don't worry about it
and I'm one of quickest on here to dump a girl
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. I think your level of embarrassment is excessive, though, and something you should look into. 
