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Old 05-03-2013, 09:23 AM
 
4,231 posts, read 2,657,618 times
Reputation: 5118
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty12 View Post
So I am not wrong to feel insecure? He keeps telling me I am being crazy.
I think we are all in a consensus that you are wrong for staying with him and it may be very telling that you have insecurity if you are staying with him. Most of the time secure people do not stay with mates who cheat.
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Old 05-03-2013, 09:27 AM
 
373 posts, read 273,661 times
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Well he has not repeated that mistake again. And he has not done anything to give the impression he would. I chalk his prior issue to be a age related crisis. He was only 22, and new to have the responsibility of a woman and child.
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Old 05-03-2013, 09:29 AM
 
4,231 posts, read 2,657,618 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty12 View Post
Well he has not repeated that mistake again. And he has not done anything to give the impression he would. I chalk his prior issue to be a age related crisis. He was only 22, and new to have the responsibility of a woman and child.
Question...if there was not a kid involved, would you stay?
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Old 05-03-2013, 09:29 AM
 
373 posts, read 273,661 times
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I am not looking to end the relationship. I love him more then I could imagine. I just feel I need to get over this always feeling like he is here today, gone tomorrow. How can I successfully do that?
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Old 05-03-2013, 09:33 AM
 
Location: Hartford CT
1,233 posts, read 760,991 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty12 View Post
I am not looking to end the relationship. I love him more then I could imagine. I just feel I need to get over this always feeling like he is here today, gone tomorrow. How can I successfully do that?

He may never do it again, but more than likely you will never be over it. And you not getting over it will push him away. And just because you love him, doesn't mean you should stay and be paranoid and afraid. That is not a healthy relationship.
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Old 05-03-2013, 09:34 AM
 
Location: Colorado Denver
440 posts, read 214,820 times
Reputation: 310
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty12 View Post
I really need to get over being insecure but I do not know how to go about it.


A year into our relationship, I came home to the house ransacked, him and my truck gone. He shacked up with some chick across the country.

Was there any signs that he was not happy or thinking about ending the relationship before he left?

A few months later he wanted to come home we did marriage counseling and worked through all that and eventually I let him come home.

IMHO I don't think YOU worked through all of it. You need to finish forgiving him and yourself but I'd suggest seeking help with finding your way through it.




Four years later and I still have fears of him leaving me again. I also get pissed off whenever he has some random new woman friend on Facebook. Now he tells me he has no idea who they are and he just accepts anyone that requests to be his friend. He does not physically do anything to make me feel suspicious he is doing anything with them.



You need to tell him that right now for you those "female friends" are not okay with you and that it is bothering you enough to feel insecure, communication is very important and settings boundaries is also.





How do you get over feeling insecure? Would having his commitment of marriage make me feel less insecure?

Having a child is a bond that you will be forever connected in some way so if you don't feel secure with that what makes you feel that marriage is the answer? Work on communication and yourself and you'll find the right place for you, good luck and well wishes

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Old 05-03-2013, 09:44 AM
 
Location: Colorado Denver
440 posts, read 214,820 times
Reputation: 310
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty12 View Post
He was only 22, and new to have the responsibility of a woman and child.

okay my math isn't adding up and I thought you said you had the child after?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty12 View Post
I really need to get over being insecure but I do not know how to go about it.

Background: I have lived with bf for 5years. We have a 2 1/2 year old together but we are not married.

A year into our relationship, I came home to the house ransacked, him and my truck gone. He shacked up with some chick across the country.
I don't get it please explain it better thanks or maybe I need to be back in school or some coffee?
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Old 05-03-2013, 09:46 AM
 
373 posts, read 273,661 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by findly185 View Post
Question...if there was not a kid involved, would you stay?
Yes of course.
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Old 05-03-2013, 09:47 AM
 
373 posts, read 273,661 times
Reputation: 448
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raptor76 View Post
He may never do it again, but more than likely you will never be over it. And you not getting over it will push him away. And just because you love him, doesn't mean you should stay and be paranoid and afraid. That is not a healthy relationship.
I don't want to push him away. I really do want to get over it.
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Old 05-03-2013, 09:47 AM
 
4,231 posts, read 2,657,618 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty12 View Post
Yes of course.
Then if you plan on staying with him no matter what, I suggest you both get counseling separately.
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