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You are feeling insecure because his actions are making you that way, and deep down you have codependency issues. You are worried that these random women on facebook are potential cheating partners for him and he may leave you again. Although you went to counseling, apart of you still doesn't trust him. If you did, you wouldn't even care about him "friending" random girls on Facebook. The only way you will stop being insecure is by leaving him and working on yourself. The fact that you took him back despite him basically leaving you and probably returning because he was dumped by another chick speaks volumes. He doesn't respect you and lack boundaries as evident to him friending random chicks on facebook.
ETA: Many women from multiple walks of life have been in your shoes. Don't think it makes you a less of a woman, but you are with a man who lacks empathy and doesn't acknowledge that his previous behavior is still relevant. Sometimes narcissist/emotional unavailable and other loser types try to press the reset button as if the past never happened and is irrelevant. The past is always indicative of future behavior with most people. You obviously invested in multiple years with this man and have a child together. However, if you encompass negative thoughts and behaviors with this man, you are setting a detrimental example for your child and his/her future interactions in social relationships. I hate saying this, but I would move. The ship has sailed in this relationship.
I don't believe a relationship can be healthy, at least not for me, if we don't each have close friends of assorted genders. Friends are not the problem; he is. His treatment of the OP.
I agree with you and my male friends are also his friends. These girls he has no idea who they even are. So I really do not get why they choose to friend him and he chooses to accept them. I see no benefit of them.
Oh dear, you need to get a job ASAP and start saving up. You said yourself that you don't believe that there exists a bond between father and child, so what's to stop him from abandoning you again?
I really need to get over being insecure but I do not know how to go about it.
Background: I have lived with bf for 5 years. We have a 2 1/2 year old together but we are not married.
A year into our relationship, I came home to the house ransacked, him and my truck gone. He shacked up with some chick across the country.
A few months later he wanted to come home we did marriage counseling and worked through all that and eventually I let him come home.
Four years later and I still have fears of him leaving me again. I also get pissed off whenever he has some random new woman friend on Facebook. Now he tells me he has no idea who they are and he just accepts anyone that requests to be his friend. He does not physically do anything to make me feel suspicious he is doing anything with them.
How do you get over feeling insecure? Would having his commitment of marriage make me feel less insecure?
Wow, this really surprises me. And I have not read another response on this thread yet, but I can't go further without posting.
May I very gently suggest that maybe you aren't supposed to be getting over your "insecurity".
MAYBE your insecurity is your body trying to raise a red flag that you have been refusing to see?
Didn't you post a while back that he moved into your place with a dog that wrecked your furniture and that he brings in other dogs without consulting you and leaves all their training, care and upkeep to you and just plays with them when he feels like it? If so, it sounds as if you've been disrespected and taken for granted in more than one way in this relationship. Your sense of insecurity isn't necessarily stemming only frim the one event, as bad as it was. I agree with the person who posted upthread that individual counseling could be helpful to you in figuring things out.
Instincts tell me that there's a lot of red flags in this situation. I'm one of those who doesn't believe that once a cheater always a cheater but he's neglecting your feelings and that's where the issue is. He has to earn your trust back by actions and consideration of your feelings (not suggesting you're being crazy) and I don't think he's done that. If he started to, he definitely stopped.
A year into our relationship, I came home to the house ransacked, him and my truck gone. He shacked up with some chick across the country.
This should have been the absolute end of the relationship. Anyone who does something like this is utterly contemptible and unworthy of forgiveness.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty12
A few months later he wanted to come home we did marriage counseling and worked through all that and eventually I let him come home.
Foolish move.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty12
Four years later and I still have fears of him leaving me again. I also get pissed off whenever he has some random new woman friend on Facebook. Now he tells me he has no idea who they are and he just accepts anyone that requests to be his friend. He does not physically do anything to make me feel suspicious he is doing anything with them.
Leave this jerk. You are insecure for a good reason, he's an ass. You don't "get over" being insecure when your SO has shown such disregard for you. I suggest you get a job and get another life for you and your child. No-one should put up with what you have. If you can't leave then at least get yourself a bit more independent so when the crap hits the fan again, which trust me, it always does with these types of men, you'll be in a better position to make a move.
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If he started to, he definitely stopped.
