My boyfriend doesn't seem to care when I cry (woman, love, kids)
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my boyfriend (28) and I (25) have been together for almost a year, we live together and most of the time everything is wonderful and we're very happy.
In general he's a good boyfriend, he cares about me, says he loves me, asks me what I wanna do and helps me with things etc.
Then, on the other hand, we had a couple of fights/discussions where I started crying. To be clear: I'm NOT using tears to put emotional pressure on him and I also don't cry on every occasion, it just happens sometimes.
The times I cried was when he hurt me a lot or because of sadness and desperation of the situation.
Every time I cried he didn't seem to care at all. Even when I said things to him, like how much I love him and how much I hate when we fight and that I just wish he would hold me in his arms now.
His reactions are every time totally cold. He doesn't react to my tears nor to my words that strongly suggest him to make up and to hold each other (I'm NOT accusing him or anything in those situations, it's the opposite). Often he just leaves me standing there and does something else, completly ignoring my feelings. Sometimes he even lays down and falls asleep while I'm still crying. Or he sometimes reacts to my words and tears with even more anger and is being even meaner to me.
Now I'm at the point that I often leave to another room or so when I feel that I have to cry, so he doesn't see me crying.
I don't know what to think about it. If I imagine to see him crying, that would be the worst for me. I love him so much that I hate to see him in pain. I would take him in my arms and do everything so feels better. I believe him that he loves me, but what kind of behaviour is that? I've never ever experienced that with any ex-boyfriend. Especially falling asleep. Like he doesn't give a **** anyway.
What do you think? Can you give me an advice? Thanks.
Here is what you're dealing with.
First, he will never change.
Second, some men don't know what to do with a crying woman. It has nothing to do with his feelings or love for you. A lot of men recall a vision of their mother crying about "unimportant" things when they were kids, so they have an aversion. Man think first, not feel.
Third, you can still have a great relationship together, if you focus more on WHY you cried to begin with....look there first. Some relationships go through roller coasters for the better, and some for worse. Be smart.
I think it's the opposite. Many men are so overwhelmed by emotion when they see their sweetie crying that they just shut down. Part of the emotion comes from how they have been taught that 'boys don't cry' etc. Not all of it is about you.
Or maybe he is a sociopath. No way to tell from the info so far.
Have you asked him, sometime when you are not crying, what goes thrugh his mind when you do?
His reactions are every time totally cold. He doesn't react to my tears nor to my words that strongly suggest him to make up and to hold each other .
Maybe he's not ready to make up at that moment.
You were just fighting, right? I've certainly been in arguments with people that I've cared about, but I was in no mood to express those feelings at that exact time. I would imagine the same goes for you. Think about how you felt just a few minutes before you decided you wanted to hug and make up.
Some people don't deal well with emotion at all. Some are cold to suffering. I don't know if that describes your bf or not. We may not have enough info here to say for sure. I wouldn't be with someone like what you describe, though.
my boyfriend (28) and I (25) have been together for almost a year, we live together and most of the time everything is wonderful and we're very happy.
In general he's a good boyfriend, he cares about me, says he loves me, asks me what I wanna do and helps me with things etc.
Then, on the other hand, we had a couple of fights/discussions where I started crying. To be clear: I'm NOT using tears to put emotional pressure on him and I also don't cry on every occasion, it just happens sometimes.
The times I cried was when he hurt me a lot or because of sadness and desperation of the situation.
Every time I cried he didn't seem to care at all. Even when I said things to him, like how much I love him and how much I hate when we fight and that I just wish he would hold me in his arms now.
His reactions are every time totally cold. He doesn't react to my tears nor to my words that strongly suggest him to make up and to hold each other (I'm NOT accusing him or anything in those situations, it's the opposite). Often he just leaves me standing there and does something else, completly ignoring my feelings. Sometimes he even lays down and falls asleep while I'm still crying. Or he sometimes reacts to my words and tears with even more anger and is being even meaner to me.
Now I'm at the point that I often leave to another room or so when I feel that I have to cry, so he doesn't see me crying.
I don't know what to think about it. If I imagine to see him crying, that would be the worst for me. I love him so much that I hate to see him in pain. I would take him in my arms and do everything so feels better. I believe him that he loves me, but what kind of behaviour is that? I've never ever experienced that with any ex-boyfriend. Especially falling asleep. Like he doesn't give a **** anyway.
What do you think? Can you give me an advice? Thanks.
If you've had more than one or two fights like this in the year you've been together, your relationship just plain isn't making you happy, and it's probably time to move on. I mean, every relationship has its share of disagreements, but if you're having big blowouts that leave you in tears every few weeks, it's a lousy relationship.
This is assuming that you don't have other issues going on, like codependency or depression.
Now as for him reacting coldly, or even getting angry, again, if you're bursting into tears every time you have a disagreement or get into an argument, I'm so sorry to tell you this, but that would probably tick off anyone in their right mind, because after a while, it does start to feel manipulative on a good day, tedious on a bad. A lot of people see it as drama.
However, if you don't fight very often, and this has only happened once or twice, then he's one of those guys who can't handle displays of emotion. There is an upside to this: Often enough, such men don't expect, or want, their partners to be great pillars of support and encouragement, either. You probably won't have to bend over backwards to try to make it up to him if you ever hurt him enough to make him cry. I'm not saying to deliberately hurt him, but that you are free to treat him as he treats you should that ever happen, because he's going to expect you to react the way he does.
The guy walking away like it's nothing....ignoring her. How could you even fall asleep for Christs sake? Sounds like a real gem.
But we don't know what her "sadness and desperation" were about, so we can't make that call right now, can we? She could have been sad and desperate about him wanting to go out with the guys or something trivial like that. We just don't have enough information to warrant calling for a kick in the nuts. Let's see what the fights were about before we go about crippling the guy, okay?
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