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Directed towards the OP….
I will be very honest and state this is a hard decision to make no doubt about it..
I am divorced now however when I was married, I was married to a military man…
I was born and raised in California my entire life..I resided and still do on the central coast near Santa Barbara..Very nice coastal town..
So being that my at the time husband was military I thought I knew what this meant…I knew what I was getting into and I agreed to go along for the ride because I loved him soo much..
Well it is harder than it seems…There is so much to consider that one does not when just making a decision based on love..
Most of our marriage I spent in different states but primarily Texas…
It was so different and I had to try very hard to get use to it…
I had no family, no friends there, I basically lost my support system, Jobs were harder to find that paid what I was use to getting paid and the conditions were not as great as they were here…
I essentially dealt with it but it did cause problems in our marriage…
I recall coming home whenever he was out in the field or war games for 3 months…I missed my family soo much I had never been separated from them or my twin sister and her children, it was emotionally taxing..
We had shorter stations like New Mexico which was beautiful however it was not home..
I essentially decided to come back home…And this is where I have stayed ever since and I doubt I will ever relocate out of the state..
I have told people whom live here and wish to see other parts of the country that visiting is “Okay” But we really do not know how good we have it until we relocate somewhere else. We complain about the cost of living here but we are paying for the location and the weather…period..
You mentioned 3 key things…Friends and fam, great job, great location and home…
You seem settled in your life and it is this issue that is causing you to question a possible move…
If I were you? I would wait..I would try the LDR and visit him there and see how it goes..Allow him to get settled and then take it from there…
Ugh, it took me a couple of weeks to digest all these comments because it is so sad.
I guess I was not that special after all, as stated above he left, no problem.
My objective for posting this here is:
-To get feedback, opinions, different perspectives from members who bring various experiences, have different backgrounds, ages, etc.
I am asking on this forum because my group of friends tend to be my same age, etc., and are biased relative to the outcome. So while their thoughts are valuable, I would like to hear more thoughtful opinions. I really hope to avoid any attacks, name calling, insults, but hey, it's the internet so I take what I get.
I live in Southern California, in what is considered to be a nice area. I love the area, my home, and have friends and family here. I am 46. Female, divorced from a serial cheater 3 years ago. Was going to avoid men at all costs, ha, did not work. Have been in a relationship for 1.5 years with a wonderful man. We are very compatable in many aspects, do a lot of things together but also have our own friends. We don't live together but have discussed "the future". We obviously don't worry about kids, he has one, I have zero. I love his kid, she is 18 and headed to the Air Force.
He is getting transfered to St Louis. UGH. My job, which is awesome, great comp, great boss, great co-workers is a west region job. Period. I don't have this job in St Louis.
Here are our options:
-We say "it was a great time, good luck, bye". -Both of us have vetoed this one. -We attempt to do a LTR for a while with the objective us both landing in the same state (in other words, he works to get transfered to the west region so I can retain my position)This of course might be good in theory but could take a long time.
-Or...I leave my job and seek employement in St Louis. This is scary, because like I said, I am in a great position and love it.
SO, I feel like I am picking, the amazing relationship or the amazing job and lifestyle.
I appreciate any thoughts, comments, and while I know no one can make my decision I would love to hear thought provoking ideas, experience, etc.
Thank you.
-
I vote for door #2. It may take time, but it'll be worth it. In the meantime, you can visit each other. It would be worth the wait for the ideal solution. Don't give up all that great stuff you have going with your job. You could end up regretting it, and resenting him for it, if you left.
I vote for door #2. It may take time, but it'll be worth it. In the meantime, you can visit each other. It would be worth the wait for the ideal solution. Don't give up all that great stuff you have going with your job. You could end up regretting it, and resenting him for it, if you left.
Aww, thanks. I decided it was best to end it. If he was so willing to take a job out of state he must not have been that thrilled with the relationship. Plus, it's likely he will meet someone else so better to quit now before I get the "I met someone else" call.
Aww, thanks. I decided it was best to end it. If he was so willing to take a job out of state he must not have been that thrilled with the relationship. Plus, it's likely he will meet someone else so better to quit now before I get the "I met someone else" call.
Wow, are men really that fickle? So casual about throwing away a good thing once they've found it?? If so, he must not be that into you. But are you sure? Did he say anything about working toward an eventual transfer back to the West?
Oh well. You sound awesome. You'll have options on the personal front, in time.
P.S. Just curious--are his skills not marketable locally, where you live? Could he have changed jobs/careers, whatever? Was that option discussed at all?
Wow, are men really that fickle? So casual about throwing away a good thing once they've found it?? If so, he must not be that into you. But are you sure? Did he say anything about working toward an eventual transfer back to the West?
Oh well. You sound awesome. You'll have options on the personal front, in time.
Yes, he is containing to look back in the west but I'm sure it's because he is not settled in yet and feels a bit rudderless.
He's not happy about the idea of ending it but its for the best in the long run. He needs to concentrate on his job and not be worrying about trying to fly back to visit.
My objective for posting this here is:
-To get feedback, opinions, different perspectives from members who bring various experiences, have different backgrounds, ages, etc.
I am asking on this forum because my group of friends tend to be my same age, etc., and are biased relative to the outcome. So while their thoughts are valuable, I would like to hear more thoughtful opinions. I really hope to avoid any attacks, name calling, insults, but hey, it's the internet so I take what I get.
I live in Southern California, in what is considered to be a nice area. I love the area, my home, and have friends and family here. I am 46. Female, divorced from a serial cheater 3 years ago. Was going to avoid men at all costs, ha, did not work. Have been in a relationship for 1.5 years with a wonderful man. We are very compatable in many aspects, do a lot of things together but also have our own friends. We don't live together but have discussed "the future". We obviously don't worry about kids, he has one, I have zero. I love his kid, she is 18 and headed to the Air Force.
He is getting transfered to St Louis. UGH. My job, which is awesome, great comp, great boss, great co-workers is a west region job. Period. I don't have this job in St Louis.
Here are our options:
-We say "it was a great time, good luck, bye". -Both of us have vetoed this one.
-We attempt to do a LTR for a while with the objective us both landing in the same state (in other words, he works to get transfered to the west region so I can retain my position)This of course might be good in theory but could take a long time.
-Or...I leave my job and seek employement in St Louis. This is scary, because like I said, I am in a great position and love it.
SO, I feel like I am picking, the amazing relationship or the amazing job and lifestyle.
I appreciate any thoughts, comments, and while I know no one can make my decision I would love to hear thought provoking ideas, experience, etc.
Thank you.
-
I would not give up my own independence and financial security for a relationship. You can work it out down the road and do long distance or you can break it off and move on. Tough choice but the practical one I would make is to keep the home and career you have already established.
He said marriage I said ugh....I think at our age we don't need to get married.
Quote:
Originally Posted by luckodeirish
Sadly I agree with the extended breakup comment you made.
I also think he may be thinking that I will eventually move there. I won't. I don't have any interest in getting married, so my commitment level is "we are with each other until it stops working". Damn, did I just sound like a guy?
Just thought I'd point something out, because many people are only focused on him.
He's brought up marriage...you're not interested. You're apparently grounded where you are no matter what. I'm not saying you should have moved; I just get the sense you really weren't that into him; especially if you came up with the decision to end things so easily without regret.
You both were definitely on different pages.
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