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Old 05-13-2013, 07:13 PM
 
Location: SWFL
387 posts, read 774,984 times
Reputation: 175

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I never thought about dating a person in the funeral business, it never came up, but here I am. We spoke, joked around, laughed and exchanged cards at a local music venue. I wasn't looking to pick anyone up, friends I've made there, including the owner, know that. Neither did I pick him up, just seemed to get along well and feel comfortable talking together. We are the same age (58). BTW I wasn't drinking, I don't when I drive and practically nothing, (1 glass wine), if I'm not the driver.

I'm a divorcee-to-be and I have been getting out but I'm not seeking sex, commitment, or a relationship. My divorce is taking a long time, (already 9 months), and I've been encouraged by friends and professionals, (therapist, etc.), to get out and enjoy life in the interim, expand my network...etc.

Back to the card... I didn't look at it or think twice, I just put his card behind my own in my cardholder that evening. The next day changing purses, I pulled out the card and he's a funeral director. I would have put an exclamation point after the last sentence, (look, I was shocked, it's true, what can I say?), but then I started thinking about it. It's a business, right? I just got temporarily freaked out because of my own feelings about death---true or false?

He has been actively pursing me, and we have had 3 dinner dates since we met a month ago. They were enjoyable. 7/8 on a 1 to 10 scale. He is a wonderful escort with exquisite manners and a great sense of humor. He usually calls daily and when he travels we call or txt daily. He seems extremely busy and that's OK by me. He wants me to meet his family. He seems very infatuated with me. He knows a lot of people and seems known, well-liked, and respected. I am sexually attracted to him but I'm not acting on it. I know he is attracted and I can see him going crazy, (sorry), but I DID make it verbally clear at the outset I wasn't looking to hook up for sex right now...(And buying me dinner doesn't mean I have sex to "thank you").

I have "vetted" him and his background is clean. (Once between marriages I met this "nice guy" and he turned out to have a prison record. No thank you...).

He was married for 17 years, 2 grown children, then widowed. 1 year after he was widowed he married another woman and it lasted 2 years. What I've learned from him squares up with I now know. He has told me the 2nd marriage just "wasn't meant to be". I guess things happen...I'm not one to judge.

I have been married 2x, 10 and 20 years. The most recent destroyed my self-esteem and has messed with my head. I've been working very hard with 2 therapists and I feel much better. (I don't discuss my "woes" in detail excepting my doctors and lawyer and this forum).

I would say, even considering the good times of both of my marriages, he treats me like a goddess. It is very nice and I don't discourage it. My own doctors tell me I'm "entitled" to be well-treated. I then began thinking he must be sort of a pariah when a woman finds out his profession unless she does the same thing. I guess that's where my attitude of "it's just business" came in handy. I didn't run away. I didn't make excuses. I knew he would be a flawed human being like me. I wasn't concerned with his profession or money when I met him because during those moments I knew nothing about him, just that we seemed at ease.

I've subsequently learned he is a wealthy, successful businessman, with a sterling reputation amongst his peers. I don't know what to think now. I'm not seeking money I have enough on my plate. For all I know he may be a womanizer, I don't really KNOW him. My own inclination is just to go slow. Set the pace. If he doesn't like slow, then it's not meant to be. What are your thoughts on that?

Has anyone every dated a person in the funeral business? Is anyone involved in this business that could tell me if you go through more challenges than the next person because of your profession? What does anybody/everybody else think? Is anyone now in a relationship with a funeral director? Thanks in advance for your replies even if you say you'd be "creeped out". Just be honest please.
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Old 05-13-2013, 07:20 PM
 
373 posts, read 502,398 times
Reputation: 486
I think your focusing on his career way to much. Seriously, it's a job. If it does not bother him, why should it effect you? And frankly, retirement is right around the corner for both of you.
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Old 05-13-2013, 07:30 PM
 
Location: Whereever we have our RV parked
7,696 posts, read 6,191,168 times
Reputation: 12664
I don't know why you'd have a problem? Lots of men have jobs that deal with dirt, mess, etc. People who deal with sewers, doctors who do autopsies, garbage men, etc. Some women too. Gynecologists, Urologists, and proctologists also. My wife used to come home with stories from work as a nurse. Giving enema's, treating boils, wounds, puss from infections, great dinner conversation.
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Old 05-13-2013, 07:37 PM
 
1,066 posts, read 975,991 times
Reputation: 724
Quote:
Originally Posted by Iamrita View Post
Has anyone every dated a person in the funeral business? Is anyone involved in this business that could tell me if you go through more challenges than the next person because of your profession? What does anybody/everybody else think? Is anyone now in a relationship with a funeral director? Thanks in advance for your replies even if you say you'd be "creeped out". Just be honest please.
I think that'd be an interesting job.
He'll never lack for business, at the minimum [/lame joke]
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Old 05-13-2013, 07:39 PM
 
323 posts, read 331,016 times
Reputation: 226
There are woman dying to see funeral directors.

But I hear they tend to be a little stiff...
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Old 05-13-2013, 07:44 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,183 posts, read 39,075,289 times
Reputation: 24317
We have a family owned one by Italians and the son's are gorgeous.
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Old 05-13-2013, 07:51 PM
 
1,563 posts, read 1,272,748 times
Reputation: 3729
It's an honest job, and if he has a sterling reputation, he probably performs it honestly. We will all need the services he provides eventually. It's a good idea to start off any relationship slowly, but this guy's profession shouldn't be a reason to exercise extra caution.
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Old 05-13-2013, 08:10 PM
 
Location: CasaMo
14,874 posts, read 6,567,524 times
Reputation: 15167
If anything, be understanding of the fact that he's busy and he probably doesn't know that far in advance when he needs to work including weekends and holidays.
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Old 05-13-2013, 08:20 PM
 
Location: Democratic Peoples Republic of Redneckistan
11,102 posts, read 12,083,427 times
Reputation: 3891
Make him warm his hands up before he touches you
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Old 05-13-2013, 08:28 PM
 
6,758 posts, read 7,194,998 times
Reputation: 6726
Are you concerned about how his profession will affect you? Or are you wondering if he has a hard time finding women who will date him, and that's why he wants you? Are you feeling like, 'He is so awesome; what's the catch?'
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