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Hi everyone, I need some advice. I'm 23 and have been with my high school sweetheart for 7 years. He's a great guy. He's supportive, loyal, kind, hardworking, and honest. He would do anything for me and I love him a lot. Generally speaking, I think we have been happy together. However, after I graduated from college and got a full time job, I feel like we've drifted apart. I never questioned having only one boyfriend before, but all the sudden I find myself wishing I was single and on my own. There's no "other man" but I still feel this desire to be free and on my own for the first time. My boyfriend and I once had chemistry but he is not my type in terms of looks and never really has been. This was never an issue before but I have no sexual interest in him now and haven't for years. Before we were sexually very active because it made him happy but it's become harder for me to make the effort lately, as terrible as that sounds its the truth. We are engaged to be married and I'm terrified I'm making a mistake that result in lifelong unhappiness for both of us. I told him I wanted to break up several months ago, and he took it hUorribly. I basically caved because I know that I do love him and he was in pain. Also, to complicate matters, we own a house together.
Is this a case of the seven year itch? Should I weather the storm and consider myself lucky to have a great guy that loves me? Is it worth it to end a 7 year relationship because the sex isn't good and and I'm scared to commit for life to the only guy I've ever dated? Any advice would be really appreciated.
You are 23 and you are engaged to your high school sweetheart. You are not physically attracted to him and there has been a decline in both of your connections to each other. Personally I think you would be making a big mistake doing this. You are still so young and have so much of your life ahead of you. Living alone and on your own is a wonderful adventure and something I think everyone should do before they marry anyone. Can you picture yourself married to him, 30 years old with 4 kids? Go to college, live alone for awhile, experience what it is to be single. That doesn't mean that you need to end this relationship. You may need to and you may not, but I think you should consider breaking off the engagement and live life. You have gone straight from your teens to your early 20's with the same man. A person changes a lot from the time they are in their teens to into their 20's. Experience your life and spread your wings!
Hi everyone, I need some advice. I'm 23 and have been with my high school sweetheart for 7 years. He's a great guy. He's supportive, loyal, kind, hardworking, and honest. He would do anything for me and I love him a lot. Generally speaking, I think we have been happy together. However, after I graduated from college and got a full time job, I feel like we've drifted apart. I never questioned having only one boyfriend before, but all the sudden I find myself wishing I was single and on my own. There's no "other man" but I still feel this desire to be free and on my own for the first time. My boyfriend and I once had chemistry but he is not my type in terms of looks and never really has been. This was never an issue before but I have no sexual interest in him now and haven't for years. Before we were sexually very active because it made him happy but it's become harder for me to make the effort lately, as terrible as that sounds its the truth. We are engaged to be married and I'm terrified I'm making a mistake that result in lifelong unhappiness for both of us. I told him I wanted to break up several months ago, and he took it hUorribly. I basically caved because I know that I do love him and he was in pain. Also, to complicate matters, we own a house together.
Is this a case of the seven year itch? Should I weather the storm and consider myself lucky to have a great guy that loves me? Is it worth it to end a 7 year relationship because the sex isn't good and and I'm scared to commit for life to the only guy I've ever dated? Any advice would be really appreciated.
Wow, I feel like my ex wife could of possibly posted this 6 years ago (although she always said she was attracted to me and loved me..).
We went through with the marriage, until she cheated and we divorced about 6 years later. She cited "never having the chance to be with other people" as largely the reason.
Coming from the SO's perspective - the part that hurts in being cheated on, is the feeling of betrayal. In my case (and yours it sounds like) - we grew up as teens together. I knew her much longer than these other men, and I was the guy there to comfort her in her times of need - yet she chose to betray me, protect them, and ultimately have a baby with one of them (which she states she now regrets and wants back with me....).
That's what hurts.
If you're having doubts and already having your mind wander - that's VERY good, timing wise. End it now BEFORE marriage, before he stays up all night with you when you're sick and in the hospital, before kids enter the picture - save him that grief.
You're not taking something away from him by leaving him. You're saving him grief, and giving him the years ahead to find someone who would appreciate him.
And you deserve to find that yourself, with someone you're completely attracted to.
Nobody goes through the "seven-year itch" at 23. Without even being married, no less.
You've never been on your own. You went from your parents to your boyfriend, without any period of independence. And now that need for independence is asserting itself.
You're engaged to marry someone you admit you have no sexual interest in. No wonder you feel trapped and scared!
Call off the engagement. Engagements get broken all the time. Better now than after the wedding, right? The sky won't fall if you call it off. It's too bad you didn't realize earlier that you'd only been putting up with sex for years, and that the relationship didn't have a future. But better late than never. Do your bf a favor and be honest with him, and stop stringing him along. You both deserve better.
You can make arrangements for him to make payments to you for your share of the house. You didn't mention whether you have a college education and/or job skills. The sooner you call off the engagement, the sooner you can get started on the next phase of your life.
No, she simply came to conclusion that she's "outgrew" her boyfriend now that she graduated and started working. He's probably "not on her level".
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie
Be as kind and gracious as you can to your bf when you break things off. You might want to sit down with him and his family and try to have an adult discussion. I doubt it will surprise them, since you were so young when you got together.
Then try to avoid contact once you settle things with the house. In reality this is about the same as getting a divorce, so get advice from people who understand.
Don't. Just be blunt that you're breaking up and move on. "Kindness" may make it confusing and awkward in the beginning but it'll be far worse in a few days when he puts all pieces of the puzzle. Just be blunt that you're breaking up and no "sweet talk" at all. That is if you truly care to make it as simple and as much easier for him, unlike so many who are actually embarrassed for the #1 mentioned above, mainly because you want to avoid people from finding how you truly act and adapt their behavior to treat you the proper way in the future.
SOURCE: personal experience. Anyways, I just know that there's going to be "sweet talk" as I've found out it's quite common. And in think that OP is probably a troll, since it's a new account and (s)he posted a new thread about this common stuff which is generally a "lesson" for all the guys who recognize themselves in a similar situation in their past, thing that they wish they knew back then, possibly read or heard it somewhere before they even started their relationship so that they could avoid it and learn from other people's mistakes.
No, she simply came to conclusion that she's "outgrew" her boyfriend now that she graduated and started working. He's probably "not on her level".
Don't. Just be blunt that you're breaking up and move on. "Kindness" may make it confusing and awkward in the beginning but it'll be far worse in a few days when he puts all pieces of the puzzle. Just be blunt that you're breaking up and no "sweet talk" at all. That is if you truly care to make it as simple and as much easier for him, unlike so many who are actually embarrassed for the #1 mentioned above, mainly because you want to avoid people from finding how you truly act and adapt their behavior to treat you the proper way in the future.
SOURCE: personal experience. Anyways, I just know that there's going to be "sweet talk" as I've found out it's quite common. And in think that OP is probably a troll, since it's a new account and (s)he posted a new thread about this common stuff which is generally a "lesson" for all the guys who recognize themselves in a similar situation in their past, thing that they wish they knew back then, possibly read or heard it somewhere before they even started their relationship so that they could avoid it and learn from other people's mistakes.
Best advice. Breaking it off clean is the best way to go. Anything more and he may talk you out of it, and you'll have a yoyo relationship for another few years. It's going to hurt really bad, but best to rip it off like a bandaid and get to healing, for both of you.
Hi everyone, I need some advice. I'm 23 and have been with my high school sweetheart for 7 years. He's a great guy. He's supportive, loyal, kind, hardworking, and honest. He would do anything for me and I love him a lot. Generally speaking, I think we have been happy together. However, after I graduated from college and got a full time job, I feel like we've drifted apart. I never questioned having only one boyfriend before, but all the sudden I find myself wishing I was single and on my own. There's no "other man" but I still feel this desire to be free and on my own for the first time. My boyfriend and I once had chemistry but he is not my type in terms of looks and never really has been. This was never an issue before but I have no sexual interest in him now and haven't for years. Before we were sexually very active because it made him happy but it's become harder for me to make the effort lately, as terrible as that sounds its the truth. We are engaged to be married and I'm terrified I'm making a mistake that result in lifelong unhappiness for both of us. I told him I wanted to break up several months ago, and he took it hUorribly. I basically caved because I know that I do love him and he was in pain. Also, to complicate matters, we own a house together.
Is this a case of the seven year itch? Should I weather the storm and consider myself lucky to have a great guy that loves me? Is it worth it to end a 7 year relationship because the sex isn't good and and I'm scared to commit for life to the only guy I've ever dated? Any advice would be really appreciated.
If you feel this way right now you should break it off with him and cut all ties as soon as the house issue is settled. It is a long time being together however, as people age they grow and some just grow apart. As far as the home goes I personally would let him have it and just walk away clean if he can afford to keep it. Otherwise get it sold as quickly as possible and move on.
Just throwing this out there, but have you ever tried to actually relight the flame with him?
I'm also a bit confused. You said you had chemistry at one point and in the same breath said you never were attracted to him.
End it. It's cruel if you guys can't work this out.
For future reference, if you do decide to end it, realize that every relationship (no matter how hot the guy) needs work to maintain the spark. I've dated some gorgeous men who bored me after a few months because the relationship went to crap, and I no longer found them "attractive" even though they were, if that makes sense. A relationship needs to be kept exciting, so you can keep that spark alive years down the road. Everything gets "old", and needs refreshing.
I think you're too far under now though. I really can't speak for you because I do think it's important to discover yourself. If you really are feeling this scared, and have been for a long time, do it. Every couple has lulls (weeks, months) where they lose touch but I don't think it's get as extreme as it's gotten with you guys, at least not healthy relationships. Good luck.
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Good points here, particularly the romance issue.
The answer is in your own post: he is not your type, you wanna be single, you have no sexual interest in him.....do u really need an answer from us?? You clearly know it already
It make you wonder why they were ever together in the first place, if he never was her type, and she only put up with sex for his sake. How did the whole situation escalate over 7 years to the point of being engaged to marry?
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