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Old 05-17-2013, 07:14 AM
 
Location: mainland but born oahu
6,657 posts, read 7,718,862 times
Reputation: 3136

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Quote:
Originally Posted by D 21 View Post
Wow! If you don't maintain the standards that you think are important, then you will ALWAYS wonder if you're with the right guy. Your standards represent YOU. Who cares what other people think! It's your life, not theirs.
Your standards are mostly what you believe is your value. I never said don't have standards, what i said was get rid of the highly materialism ones. Why? because you can lose out on meeting or knowing some ppl who could change your life. I fell into this trap too when i was younger, im grateful my first love gave me a chance, and lowered her ideal of standards( she was a rich highclass, gorgeous woman), we almost got married and had a child b4 she was killed, if you asked her if she felt like she settled because i was a poor, orphaned, navy guy? I think she would of said no. Im greatful i got rid of my shallow standards, otherwise i wouldn't have met the teachers that would of shape my life. As too i would always wonder if he is the 1? You may want 2 look at why
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Old 05-17-2013, 07:21 AM
 
Location: mainland but born oahu
6,657 posts, read 7,718,862 times
Reputation: 3136
Quote:
Originally Posted by D 21 View Post
Wow! If you don't maintain the standards that you think are important, then you will ALWAYS wonder if you're with the right guy. Your standards represent YOU. Who cares what other people think! It's your life, not theirs.
you are getting involved in relationships? If you love someone, they treat u like the goddess you maybe are, protect and respect you? Then how can you feel like you settled? It baffles me? your actions defines your value, beliefs define your beliefs.
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Old 05-17-2013, 07:38 AM
 
Location: Central Florida
362 posts, read 558,549 times
Reputation: 677
I really hate that term, and it is used all the time--- lower your standards

Who in their right mind looks for someone lesser than what they need to be happy? I'd be fine with them using the term-- change your standards, just because you may have set up some unrealistic requirements, just because you think it's what you need to be happy.

It is an attack on self-esteem, to try to make people believe that they can't get what they want, so they have to settle for less. Confidence if everything in the dating scene, so I prefer the advice a college roommate gave me years ago, when I was having boyfriend trouble. She said, "Go back out to that man-tree.... and there is a man-tree, you know, and pick yourself another one".

Keep confident, keep yourself in highest regard, and pick a good one off that tree.
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Old 05-17-2013, 07:43 AM
 
Location: Washington, DC
4,321 posts, read 5,117,281 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 14Bricks View Post
It depends on how hot you are. The hotter you are, the more standards you can have.
This is largely true but is not the whole story. Hot women with baggage can find themselves low on options, especially for serious LTRs. Baggage like too much emotional damage, current or past in the sex industry, an A-hole ex or baby-daddy who is still in her life, a shopping/material things disorder, a low IQ, etc. etc.

Conversely, average looking women who are fun, psychologically healthy, who like men (not just in sexual ways), aren't encumbered with kids or debts, aren't judgemental, etc. etc., can have higher standards.

I'll set looks at about 50% of the package for men seeking women; women seeking men? maybe just 30% when young and 10% when older.
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Old 05-17-2013, 07:54 AM
 
4,098 posts, read 7,092,752 times
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Default Standards-high or low?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophieLL View Post
Thats not true and its depressing.
How would you know anything about standards? At least someone else standards, we know almost nothing about her and even if you don't think so, appearance makes a big difference in who she can attract.
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:16 AM
 
2,152 posts, read 3,388,363 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JetJockey View Post
Sadly, it is true in the vast majority of cases.
Women are judged primarily on looks.
and men are judged on just about everything else
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Old 05-17-2013, 01:18 PM
 
Location: Gettysburg, PA
3,051 posts, read 2,906,418 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JetJockey View Post
Well... what are you offering? Unfortunately, I do believe that has a lot to do with what standards are 'acceptable'. You also have to know that if you do have higher standards you have to be okay with being alone forever just in case you never find anyone that meets them.
I feel I am in a similar postion as the OP (except I'm even a little older, almost 33), and my standards are very high, and I have very specific requirements. I realize that that person may not be out there for me, but I regard with horror the idea of bringing children into the world with a man whom I cannot be fully committed to. Fortunately I have many interests which I feel might keep me occupied should I (very possibly) have to go through my final years alone. It will be lonely, but I feel I cannot compromise my principles and ideals by "settling".

My advice to the OP is to not settle. It is my opinion that if she does she will be met with much unhappiness later in life. Of course, I could be entirely wrong in this, it is simply how I feel.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 14Bricks View Post
It depends on how hot you are. The hotter you are, the more standards you can have.
That depends on what standards you are looking for. Most of the time this is entirely rubbish for a woman who is looking for a man with high standards (usually translating to "values") usually does not find it in one who is shallow (realize that the attraction part is necessary, but it is only necessary that she is not *un*attractive. Someone with values is not going to base their search on just the quantity of beauty that is there; if she has no other qualities beyond that, they will realize the emptiness of the relationship. And if they are only looking for beauty, then the values are not there in the first place).

Quote:
Originally Posted by 14Bricks View Post
It's absolutely true, what world do you live? The less attractive a woman is, the less standards she can have.
Your premise is false. It is very true that a more "attractive" woman (termed "hot" I believe these days) often has more attention from men; yet as I stated in the paragraph above, these men do not have the standards that women with values are looking for if the attraction is only skin deep. The present world is a very dreary place which it is my impression is filled with men of low values, having low standards. Unfortunately, it is the one I live in and therefore I conclude I very well may have to be alone for the rest of my life. Yet, it will do me no good to compromise my values and take up with a man with threadbare principles; it will probably be more depressing to me than if I were to stay single for the rest of my life.

Last edited by Basiliximab; 05-17-2013 at 01:38 PM..
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Old 05-17-2013, 02:48 PM
 
10,029 posts, read 10,869,126 times
Reputation: 5946
OP, the people who told you to settle are morons. I am 42 and always get the I must settle for men I don't desire at all. I don't date dads and I always get because of my age I should go out with them. I refuse and keep my standards and guess what? I found the perfect man who is childless, religious and perfect in every way for me.
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Old 05-17-2013, 02:52 PM
 
523 posts, read 838,735 times
Reputation: 643
Hard to say not knowing what these "standards" are.
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Old 05-17-2013, 02:55 PM
 
Location: CA
3,467 posts, read 8,127,792 times
Reputation: 4840
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascension2012 View Post
Put up your picture and we can tell you. Sorry, but thats how it works.
I don't think this is true.

I know I am not ugly and I get positive feedback from people (men & women) on my appearance. It's not just being nice because it's often random strangers seeking nothing from me.

I think sometimes standards are not too "high" but perhaps specific enough to narrow your dating pool considerably. In other words, the standards weed out a lot, even if not demanding.

For example, like the OP, I don't get hung up looks or money. While I must have some physical attraction & want the other person to not be lazy or inept or financially irresponsible, I do prefer we have compatible religious/spiritual beliefs. This weeds a LOT of people out, even though I think it's a reasonable & smart standard to have, as far as compatibility & happiness goes.

----

Anyhow, I think many people have standards too high in the wrong areas & too low in other areas, so that they don't have criteria which will result in a long-term compatibility & happiness. When you get older, often these standards are refined, and it's not a matter of lowering them or becoming pickier, but simply adjusting them to reflect a better understanding of who you are, what you need, and what you have to give.

So I am pickier in some ways & less pickier with others at age 29, and this leaves me single for longer stretches but perhaps finding people better suited to me when I do date.
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