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The guy just called me back (I thought he would say he actually can meet tomorrow but he didn't tell me that), saying he wanted to talk to me again. I told him that I was in the middle of something (something meaning City Data), but that I would see him next week. He seemed like WTF?
I can see being busy and not being easy but if I were the guy, I'd think you were 100% not interested.
This is the problem with "The Rules"...at some point SOMEBODY'S got to act interested! Or else nothing happens. You know?
You should have said sure, you could talk again, how about Thursday night or whatever. That is, if you're genuinely interested in him.
You can't just pull back constantly and expect a guy to chase you, you're only going to get masochists or total players that way.
Ugh, these Rules end up not really serving anybody, IMO. If it all flows naturally and you're genuinely busy, etc. that's one thing, but when is any of this genuine? Nobody ever wants to make a move for fear of being "not mysterious enough" and then what? Total games, total mistrust, resentment and most likely, nothing ever getting off the ground.
Are you interested in this guy or not? That should be the bottom line. He has shown he's interested, if you are too, you should say "Yes, let's go out" or "Yes, let's talk more." That's not being un-mysterious, it's setting up a date...which I thought was the whole point.
There seems to be a bit of truth behind elusiveness and availability. All the men I have been in contact with for the past few weeks, I made myself available in the sense that I responded to their messages quickly or was available for their calls, and accommodating for meeting spontaneously despite my hectic schedule. I just got tired of being treated like the back up plan, so I have made the decision to be a lot less accommodating just because I stopped caring.
Of course, that is when a new person starts talking to me from OKC .. and I have not responded immediately, I have not been readily available for meeting or talking at his beck and call, and I have had a very strict standard about having a connection established before ANYTHING physical can take place. And he keeps coming back very persistent like.
you sound just like the author! Yeah I find the thing about weekend plans good. I want the person that really wants to see me and will make plans in advanced with me instead of just finding time for me since his friends are busy.
The book talks about men wanting the challenge too and you are right with what's the norm these days. Most people in my age range seem to be find with just a FWB or casual relationship which ruins it for someone like me since sex is so easy to come by now.
Yeah, I know. People tell me that a lot. Too bad I didn't think to write the book before they did. I'd have made a mint.
I had reinforcement on this at a very young age, as in, 14. Hot shot football player asked me out. I turned him down. I was the only girl who ever said no to him. Eventually we dated--a year later. But even after we broke up, we stayed friends for the rest of high school, and for about a year after I went away to school. To quote him, "You're the kind of girl a guy will respect."
Don't get me wrong. I had to test my theory, and I did play a fool for a few people along the way. But by my mid-20s, I realized I had it figured out at 14.
Honestly, it's like babies and toddlers with food. They tend to pick the right thing, the strained peas or squash with all the vitamins. It's only by listening to others that they learn that junk food is "yummy" and then start picking the wrong thing. If girls were taught to listen to their instincts more, I think there would be fewer broken hearts and a lot more empowerment. It would also go a long way toward getting rid of this "alpha male PUA" crap, because they'd be going for the good guys, not the bad boys.
The first time he called when we tried to make plans, he said he couldn't make it tomorrow and his Wednesdays are normally free. I said some other time and he said he would give me a call to make plans.
Am I going to hear from him? Maybe, maybe not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
I can see being busy and not being easy but if I were the guy, I'd think you were 100% not interested.
This is the problem with "The Rules"...at some point SOMEBODY'S got to act interested! Or else nothing happens. You know?
You should have said sure, you could talk again, how about Thursday night or whatever. That is, if you're genuinely interested in him.
You can't just pull back constantly and expect a guy to chase you, you're only going to get masochists or total players that way.
Ugh, these Rules end up not really serving anybody, IMO. If it all flows naturally and you're genuinely busy, etc. that's one thing, but when is any of this genuine? Nobody ever wants to make a move for fear of being "not mysterious enough" and then what? Total games, total mistrust, resentment and most likely, nothing ever getting off the ground.
Are you interested in this guy or not? That should be the bottom line. He has shown he's interested, if you are too, you should say "Yes, let's go out" or "Yes, let's talk more." That's not being un-mysterious, it's setting up a date...which I thought was the whole point.
Yeah, I know. People tell me that a lot. Too bad I didn't think to write the book before they did. I'd have made a mint.
I had reinforcement on this at a very young age, as in, 14. Hot shot football player asked me out. I turned him down. I was the only girl who ever said no to him. Eventually we dated--a year later. But even after we broke up, we stayed friends for the rest of high school, and for about a year after I went away to school. To quote him, "You're the kind of girl a guy will respect."
Don't get me wrong. I had to test my theory, and I did play a fool for a few people along the way. But by my mid-20s, I realized I had it figured out at 14.
Honestly, it's like babies and toddlers with food. They tend to pick the right thing, the strained peas or squash with all the vitamins. It's only by listening to others that they learn that junk food is "yummy" and then start picking the wrong thing. If girls were taught to listen to their instincts more, I think there would be fewer broken hearts and a lot more empowerment. It would also go a long way toward getting rid of this "alpha male PUA" crap, because they'd be going for the good guys, not the bad boys.
LOL you would have been rich from writing a book like this!
I'm almost halfway done with the book. It makes sense how dating should work in the beginning. She said 1 month see the person 1-2 times a week because that's how you get the butterflies in your stomach and that you want the person to be excited all week just to see you. 2nd month 3x a week etc.
I was also expecting the author to say wait a few months for sex but she bases when to have sex around your age. Around my age it seems okay (according to the book) after the 1 month mark.
It's a good read. When a man sees me, I want him to be excited and have the butterflies.
The first time he called when we tried to make plans, he said he couldn't make it tomorrow and his Wednesdays are normally free. I said some other time and he said he would give me a call to make plans.
I am somewhat familiar with the concept in the rules, I think. The don't return calls, that is rude. So I can't say I followed that one. However, when I was online for a year, I did something similar, I waited for men to message me, I let them lead, asking for the date , etc. I was VERY passive which is honestly not my style but it was more comfortable for me. I had over 25 dates, many of whom wanted more than however many dates we got to, sometimes it was as many as 3 or 4. There was only 1 guy I really liked and he called it quits after our 3rd date.
There was one guy I did initiate contact with because I started to think this is a lousy strategy for finding who I really want (hoping they will find me, it wasn't working since I went through so many guys.) This guy pursued me once we went out and we had 4 dates but I did not like his personality at that point so I called it quits.
I think a little proactivity is good , maybe I would have found more men I liked had I been much more proactive. The one I really liked did find me. I think he only wanted sex. It could have happened on the 4th date but he stood me up. I know, because I am clearly not an "easy woman" he had no idea I was going to suggest he come over since he was having a hard day. I do not let men in my home to "hang out." I think I got lucky and he would have just stood me up for date #5 had I put out so I dodged a bullet.
As posters here are telling me on my thread, he was out of my league, tall (though I don't necessarily look for that, he happened to be and I guess that gives men an advantage.) , had an excellent income, had a beautiful car and was 6 years younger than me. Oh well.
I hope my experiences using the concepts , including do not pay , though I usually offered- I don't think anyone let me unless I insisted, helped. I plan to be more proactive because I think I'll have a better chance of getting who I want rather than hoping he notices me, but I plan to do most of my looking offline. Good luck.
There really isn't such a thing as PUA For Women. There ARE "The Rules" like the book the OP is referring to and whatnot but that is all about maximizing/enhancing a guy's interest in you already.
Without that initial interest on the part of the guy it's besides the point. You can't turn down any requests made after Wednesday for a date on Saturday night if guys aren't calling you to being with.
I can see being busy and not being easy but if I were the guy, I'd think you were 100% not interested.
This is the problem with "The Rules"...at some point SOMEBODY'S got to act interested! Or else nothing happens. You know?
You should have said sure, you could talk again, how about Thursday night or whatever. That is, if you're genuinely interested in him.
You can't just pull back constantly and expect a guy to chase you, you're only going to get masochists or total players that way.
Ugh, these Rules end up not really serving anybody, IMO. If it all flows naturally and you're genuinely busy, etc. that's one thing, but when is any of this genuine? Nobody ever wants to make a move for fear of being "not mysterious enough" and then what? Total games, total mistrust, resentment and most likely, nothing ever getting off the ground.
Are you interested in this guy or not? That should be the bottom line. He has shown he's interested, if you are too, you should say "Yes, let's go out" or "Yes, let's talk more." That's not being un-mysterious, it's setting up a date...which I thought was the whole point.
Yeah, this is all gamesmanship. No wonder there's so little trust between the genders. Everybody thinks "the other side" is not being truthful and is playing him for a sucker.
If someone wants to hang out and I say "I'm busy" I AM busy, but then they can verify that on facebook or a number of other ways. I will say "I am busy working on...." I am involved in tons of things, I would hope someone I'd consider special to be as well.
What's the point of being cagey or fake? He's eventually going to find out you are not busy, you are just pretending. And where will that get you?
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