Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Yeah, this is all gamesmanship. No wonder there's so little trust between the genders. Everybody thinks "the other side" is not being truthful and is playing him for a sucker.
If someone wants to hang out and I say "I'm busy" I AM busy, but then they can verify that on facebook or a number of other ways. I will say "I am busy working on...." I am involved in tons of things, I would hope someone I'd consider special to be as well.
What's the point of being cagey or fake? He's eventually going to find out you are not busy, you are just pretending. And where will that get you?
I just know the being myself strategy hasn't worked favorably for me... The book says to actually try to have a real busy life (my life is fairly busy M-F until 6:30). The point is to have a life with lots of things already going for you that you don't "need" to have a boyfriend.
By doing this, you are making it clear that your time is valuable (even if I'm not busy, my time could be spent doing something other than a last minute date with a guy!). I have had MANY men cancel dates with me (1st and up) either the day of, or day before due to "something coming up". None of them were right for me because the right man for me, keeps plans and would do whatever it takes to see me! I want someone to actually make plans with me in advance and actually follow through. In a day before cell phones, email, etc. most people actually showed up! It's become easier to find an excuse now because you just leave a cowardly text or email.
I don't really go on Facebook much and I don't really do status updates (always found it annoying to see "I am at the gym!, etc).
The thing I get out of the book by following the rules is that you are "weeding" out men that wouldn't be persistent and really like you. The author says you can either date most men who "kind of like you", just to have something to do, or actually be patient and wait for the one who "really likes" despite you being really busy. I'm done with the kind of men, and will wait until I find the one that really likes me.
Unrelated to your post (I just didn't want to make a separate post here), the author says to just be sweet and happy on your first 3 dates not being this "open book" that most people in my age group are (constant Facebook updates, daily photos, etc. ) because it does take the mystery and getting to know you away that makes someone want to keep seeing you. I've always considered myself an open book, but now I'm going to try being a closed book.
Again this book created a lot of controversy (very mixed reviews on Amazon) because a lot of people saw it being anti feminism because it more or less giving you old school dating advice. I've never gone about dating in the fashion of the book at all (I'm assertive, a little aggressive, an open book, sarcastic, etc.). I don't think the rules would work on really shy guys or players (they would expect you to be available right away and would bring up sex somehow in conversation).
I will keep you guys updated the more I meet guys. I ended my Match.com account and I'm just on Jdate now (it's not active here in San Diego so I rarely meet anyone off it) and on occasion Okcupid (lately no one has viewed me though). I have no problems meeting guys when I go to Jewish social events but they are almost always guys I have no physical attraction to. I go to different Meetup groups but I find it hard to get a real friendship from anyone (male or female) beyond just that event. And I'm not someone who has the luck to just meet someone in Trader Joe's, book stores, coffee houses, doing errands etc. just by smiling. Nearly all my dates are from the internet. Embarrassed to say it, but it's true.
A similar thing happened to me at the same age. When I was a freshman in high school a big shot and very attractive basketball player that was a year older asked me out and I said no. He was floored. A year later we did ended up dating and dated for next 9 years until our grad school years (with a couple of short-term breaks ups here and there).
Even at a young age I was not impressed by looks, money and status etc. but I went with action as in how they treated me and my instincts. It hasn't failed me yet.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110
I had reinforcement on this at a very young age, as in, 14. Hot shot football player asked me out. I turned him down. I was the only girl who ever said no to him. Eventually we dated--a year later.
I've read the Rules and skimmed Why Men Love B*tches. There is a lot about it that makes sense to me. I don't think it's about game playing or treating guys poorly. It's about respecting yourself and being confident in yourself and how you deserve to be treated. In the past when I really liked a guy I made myself completely available to him. If he called at 10:30 on Saturday night and wanted to see me, I made myself available. If he texted I would reply back right away. None of those relationships worked out - shocking! I don't think you should sit around staring at your phone waiting the "correct" amount of time to reply back or you should lie and tell a guy you're busy if you really aren't - the point is that you ARE busy. You have hobbies and friends and a life you are busy living so if a guy doesn't make weekend plans beforehand and tries to call you last minute, then you truly are already busy and he learns if he wants to see you, he needs to ask you ahead of time.
I think it's human nature not to appreciate what is given too easily to you. In high school all the rich kids got brand new cars from their parents. Did they appreciate it? Nope. And if they wrecked the car, their parents just bought them another. My parents refused to buy me a car. I got a job and I bought a Corolla. That Corolla might as well have been a BMW in my eyes. I worked hard to get it and I really appreciated it. Same thing with dating.
Itrs all game playing and pretty n onsensical at best. Try being REAL and magic happens. If youre really busy, say youre busy and dont answer the phone/text right away, precisely because youre busy. If youre not busy and want to talk to him, pick it up right away. Its really not that complicated as you guys want to make it seem. Do as you please and for god sakes, stop playing stupid childish games.
Have not read the book, but have carefully read the reviews and the many comments here on CD and elsewhere, and it would seem that the advice in the book can be summed up in one very brief statement; Be A Witch, spelled with a capital B. Did I miss something or did I, along with many others, get it right?
Have not read the book, but have carefully read the reviews and the many comments here on CD and elsewhere, and it would seem that the advice in the book can be summed up in one very brief statement; Be A Witch, spelled with a capital B. Did I miss something or did I, along with many others, get it right?
Yeah, this is all gamesmanship. No wonder there's so little trust between the genders. Everybody thinks "the other side" is not being truthful and is playing him for a sucker.
If someone wants to hang out and I say "I'm busy" I AM busy, but then they can verify that on facebook or a number of other ways. I will say "I am busy working on...." I am involved in tons of things, I would hope someone I'd consider special to be as well.
What's the point of being cagey or fake? He's eventually going to find out you are not busy, you are just pretending. And where will that get you?
I'm always upfront about my lack of 'busy-ness'. That doesn't mean I need someone to occupy my time because I actually ENJOY being by myself and doing things on my own. Spending an afternoon at the park reading a book is perfectly fine with me, and that's actually what I plan on doing tomorrow. If that makes me 'too available' then that's the dudes problem, not mine. I'm going to be starting school again soon to brush up on a few things before applying to graduate programs next year so then I'll be a bit busy... but it's amazing how easily I can find time in my life to spend with people I enjoy being around.
I don't waste my time with people who are 'too busy' all the time to actually see me.
Yeah, this is all gamesmanship. No wonder there's so little trust between the genders. Everybody thinks "the other side" is not being truthful and is playing him for a sucker.
If someone wants to hang out and I say "I'm busy" I AM busy, but then they can verify that on facebook or a number of other ways. I will say "I am busy working on...." I am involved in tons of things, I would hope someone I'd consider special to be as well.
What's the point of being cagey or fake? He's eventually going to find out you are not busy, you are just pretending. And where will that get you?
I stink at being FAKE which explains why I don't do well in the dating world. Being fake drains all of my mental energy because it's just something I don't enjoy at all.
Like you said why not just start thing off being open and honest because eventually the truth will come out
itrs all game playing and pretty n onsensical at best. Try being real and magic happens. If youre really busy, say youre busy and dont answer the phone/text right away, precisely because youre busy. If youre not busy and want to talk to him, pick it up right away. Its really not that complicated as you guys want to make it seem. Do as you please and for god sakes, stop playing stupid childish games.
"You have to play games when it comes to dating because how would you know whose winning?"
Jerry Seinfeld
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
