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You ever notice that when you have a girlfriend, you seem to get hit on a lot more?
You ever notice that when you don't have a girlfriend, it seems like women avoid you like the plague?
The explanation to this is really simple. When you have a girlfriend, you generally aren't browsing the menu with such zeal as when you are single. You aren't trying to impress anyone, you are not even thinking about it. That is the key.
This must be for certain guys. I've had a few girlfriends in my lifetime and that never happened to me before.
I disagree with part of the OP's post. I think people let themselves go more in relationships then when they are single. If you have a partner, what incentive is there to maintain a healthy weight, looks, ect.
I think the OP is on to something... when guys try too hard, sometimes it's a bit creepy (or sometimes really, really, annoying in the case of one man who called me several times a day and then would drag out conversations). But you do have to try a little--it's hard to figure out that right combination of trying and giving space though since every man and every woman is different.
For what it's worth, I notice more men hit on me when I am in a relationship too. So the advice might also be good for women. Overall, just don't act too despite--if you do it can give both sexes the "stay away from this person" signal.
You ever notice that when you have a girlfriend, you seem to get hit on a lot more?
You ever notice that when you don't have a girlfriend, it seems like women avoid you like the plague?
The explanation to this is really simple. When you have a girlfriend, you generally aren't browsing the menu with such zeal as when you are single. You aren't trying to impress anyone, you are not even thinking about it. That is the key.
Nobody likes a guy who is trying too hard. Most women don't like a guy who is trying at all. When you're single, you generally look at every woman who crosses your path, sizing them up like the Terminator looking for matching clothes. Too short, too tall, too skinny, too fat, just plain ugly, etc, etc. Women can tell that you're doing it, too. When you are on the prowl, you behave dramatically different than when you are in a relationship. While yes, when you are dating someone, you still look at other girls (we all do it, it's ok) it's generally a glance, not an inventory.
Of course, that's just part of the difference. Another thing that happens when you have a relationship is that you also develop an air of confidence you might not have had when you were single. Let's be honest here: Every time you go up to ask a girl out or strike up a conversation, you have about a 90% chance of being shot down... Unless of course, you're Brad Pitt or something. I'm sure that if I was single, I would be getting shot down just as much as any of you, and I know what the hell I'm doing. Anyway, you have a 90% chance of failure, and let's be honest, it takes a lot of courage to face those kind of odds. After enough times getting shot down, you get a kind of reflex to it where you go up believing you will fail. And trust me, it shows. Believe it enough, and it will end up becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy, and that will wreck your confidence.
Another little difference between being single and being in a relationship. Guys who are in a relationship tend to be "neater" than guys who aren't. They dress better, take care of their grooming, etc, etc. Guys who are single tend to do one of two things: Either they become total slobs, or they go to the opposite extreme, over-dressing for everything, wearing too much cologne, etc, etc.
*side note: Cologne rules are simple. Spray it in the air in front of you three times, walk through it, you're done. We all thank you for that.
The trick is to not really care. So what if you get shot down? So what if she has a boyfriend? It's not the end of the world. In the long run, it doesn't really matter. The good thing about going up to a girl and getting shot down is that it's practice. It helps you tune your technique.
Did any of you ever see "Office Space"? The part where the guy goes up to Jennifer Aniston and says, "You know, I want to have lunch with you." She says, "We're not really supposed to date customers." So he says, "Tell you what. I'm going to go next door and have lunch. If you want to come over and join me, great. If not, that's cool too."
That's the type of attitude you need to have. If she says yes, great. If she doesn't say yes, great.
No matter what happens, never take it personally. Never get upset, don't beat yourself up, and even if she was a nasty ***** about telling you no, always be the bigger person.
PART 2
This is mostly for the guys already in relationships or who are looking for advice for girls that have said "yes" and are prepping for dates.
Why are YOU trying so hard???
Let's remember a couple basic ground rules here:
Never try to be something you're not. Let's say your girlfriend writes you little poems everyday, but you're not the poetic type. Don't think you need to be. Don't think you have to respond in kind. Never try to compete on something like that. If your girlfriend does something for you from the heart, just accept it with gratitude. You don't have to keep score, it's not a race.
Another thing... Nobody is under the impression that you are some sort of Cassanova. You don't have to go all out every single time trying to impress her. Sending flowers or whatnot is fine occasionally, but going overboard makes you look bad. Nobody wants roses every week. Be a bit unpredictable. Be a bit random. And, if sending you flowers isn't really "your thing" then don't do it. Why be fake? If it's not genuine, if it's not from your heart, she'll know it. Never do something just to go through the motions.
Oh, nut to this. This is the kind of advice that people can go crazy trying to follow.
So, the key is, if you're trying, act like you're not trying. And if you're anxious, act confident. And if you're interested, act like you're not interested. Oh, please!
In a stable relationship there is no reason to impress one's partner. A partner worth keeping will likewise keep her partner, whether or not his hair is combed, shoes tied, pants fitting properly and shirt buttoned.
Further, I disagree with the OP's contention that women respond positively (in a casual sense) to men who already have girlfriends or wives. From personal experience there is no correlation. When I was married, many women (and men) thought that I was single. Now single (long story...) fresh acquaintances of either gender are surprised that I'm not married, as the milieu in which I function consists almost entirely of married (or at least permanently coupled) people.
I do however agree on the importance of equanimity and stoicism. That a particular woman is impressed by a man's behavior is no reason to gloat; that she finds it to be puerile or even repulsive, is no reason to despair. Try steadfastly and with great resolve, only to fail repeatedly. Blithely venture here and there, and occasionally succeed. In the so-called, grand-scheme, nothing really matters. Relationships last while the lasting is good, and form for inscrutable reasons, if any. Why collect statistics of ratio of rejections to acceptances (or whatever is the operative term here)? Those of us who are not fools, regardless of gender, act in self-interest; and self-interest is unpredictable, even to the self. As for those who are fools - well, that's not even worth predicting.
This is no cause to withdraw from the struggle for relationships, in derisive contempt at sour-grapes. Stock markets, weather patterns, the dynamics between women and men - all are unpredictable, all will fluctuate. None admit to conquest by a "system". And that, perhaps, makes them especially beautiful.
You ever notice that when you have a girlfriend, you seem to get hit on a lot more?
You ever notice that when you don't have a girlfriend, it seems like women avoid you like the plague?
The explanation to this is really simple. When you have a girlfriend, you generally aren't browsing the menu with such zeal as when you are single. You aren't trying to impress anyone, you are not even thinking about it. That is the key.
Nobody likes a guy who is trying too hard. Most women don't like a guy who is trying at all. When you're single, you generally look at every woman who crosses your path, sizing them up like the Terminator looking for matching clothes. Too short, too tall, too skinny, too fat, just plain ugly, etc, etc. Women can tell that you're doing it, too. When you are on the prowl, you behave dramatically different than when you are in a relationship. While yes, when you are dating someone, you still look at other girls (we all do it, it's ok) it's generally a glance, not an inventory.
Of course, that's just part of the difference. Another thing that happens when you have a relationship is that you also develop an air of confidence you might not have had when you were single. Let's be honest here: Every time you go up to ask a girl out or strike up a conversation, you have about a 90% chance of being shot down... Unless of course, you're Brad Pitt or something. I'm sure that if I was single, I would be getting shot down just as much as any of you, and I know what the hell I'm doing. Anyway, you have a 90% chance of failure, and let's be honest, it takes a lot of courage to face those kind of odds. After enough times getting shot down, you get a kind of reflex to it where you go up believing you will fail. And trust me, it shows. Believe it enough, and it will end up becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy, and that will wreck your confidence.
Another little difference between being single and being in a relationship. Guys who are in a relationship tend to be "neater" than guys who aren't. They dress better, take care of their grooming, etc, etc. Guys who are single tend to do one of two things: Either they become total slobs, or they go to the opposite extreme, over-dressing for everything, wearing too much cologne, etc, etc.
*side note: Cologne rules are simple. Spray it in the air in front of you three times, walk through it, you're done. We all thank you for that.
The trick is to not really care. So what if you get shot down? So what if she has a boyfriend? It's not the end of the world. In the long run, it doesn't really matter. The good thing about going up to a girl and getting shot down is that it's practice. It helps you tune your technique.
Did any of you ever see "Office Space"? The part where the guy goes up to Jennifer Aniston and says, "You know, I want to have lunch with you." She says, "We're not really supposed to date customers." So he says, "Tell you what. I'm going to go next door and have lunch. If you want to come over and join me, great. If not, that's cool too."
That's the type of attitude you need to have. If she says yes, great. If she doesn't say yes, great.
No matter what happens, never take it personally. Never get upset, don't beat yourself up, and even if she was a nasty ***** about telling you no, always be the bigger person.
PART 2
This is mostly for the guys already in relationships or who are looking for advice for girls that have said "yes" and are prepping for dates.
Why are YOU trying so hard???
Let's remember a couple basic ground rules here:
Never try to be something you're not. Let's say your girlfriend writes you little poems everyday, but you're not the poetic type. Don't think you need to be. Don't think you have to respond in kind. Never try to compete on something like that. If your girlfriend does something for you from the heart, just accept it with gratitude. You don't have to keep score, it's not a race.
Another thing... Nobody is under the impression that you are some sort of Cassanova. You don't have to go all out every single time trying to impress her. Sending flowers or whatnot is fine occasionally, but going overboard makes you look bad. Nobody wants roses every week. Be a bit unpredictable. Be a bit random. And, if sending you flowers isn't really "your thing" then don't do it. Why be fake? If it's not genuine, if it's not from your heart, she'll know it. Never do something just to go through the motions.
I agree with a lot of what you say here. I'd also say that it is the contentment (not to be confused with complacency) that you have that can make or break you. In my experience, it is when I have that sense of contentment with where I stand, and I am working towards some goals, I seem to be more of a magnet to the ladies. Or I just notice more positive attention, or I am just more sensitive to the positive attention... whatever.
Quote:
Originally Posted by highlife2
IF prostitutes were cheap and legal guys would not be trying so hard. You would not have hardly any domestic violence issues, etc. Its why guys seek adrenaline rushes as a poor substitute for sex, fast cars, motor cycles, etc. For me I fly aerobatics, it is the ultimate thrill, if you screw up your dead. In my case I also have a girlfriend but if I didn't what would I have to loose if I died in a plane wreck. Being a male in the USA is a nightmare.
Its really that simple.
When you think about it, it is not that bad. Imagine what it must be like for the women. They are generally smaller, weaker, and yet while they are valued highly in some respects, there are a lot of people that abuse value. In other words, they have to put up with a lot of unwanted attention (which has very little to do with how they dressed). In some cases, this unwanted attention can result in some other unwanted results.
Even when us men get unwanted attention, we don't have to worry about it as much as women do in most cases. There are rare exceptions to this rule. Of course in some of the other countries women are reduced to mere property and if a man wants her, there is very little she can do about it.
But it is not as bad here for us as we'd like to make it out to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SophieLL
why?
Quote:
Originally Posted by highlife2
Getting the attention of a woman is very difficult. After my second divorce, dating was absolutely hell, I eventually found a girl friend but there is no guarantee of success, in fact the success rate of a couple staying together is very low and just the thought of maybe having to date again is scary. With so many people always looking to see if the grass is greener some place else I just hope to make it to the end of my life without having to jerk it to internet porn too often.
Well... my sympathies, friend. Dating is a load of crap, especially in certain places.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascension2012
I think the OP is talking more about being genuine rather than simply being yourself. "Just be yourself" is likely the worst advice given to someone who has never had any success in the dating game. They have been nothing but themselves all these years and it has brought them nothing but failure with the opposite sex. "Be your BEST self" is much better advice. That means, accept yourself unconditionally, just the way you are, but have enough introspect to be able to look in the mirror and pinpoint areas that need improvement. Whether its needing to get in better physical shape, improving your finances, or being a more positive and open minded person, every single human being has areas that could use improvement.
Being genuine to me, is behaving in a way that is congruent with your feelings or a set of core values. For example, if you go on a date and the woman talks about something that is yawn inducing, dont pretend that you find it interesting to appease her. If her jokes arent funny, you shouldnt laugh at them. Being genuine would not fit very well with OPs previous post using a pickle jar excuse to strike a conversation, considering there was no real interest in the actual pickles. It would have mAde perfect sense if the man in question was actually a vlasic lover and couldnt wait to get his paws on the jar of pickles. There is no shortage of topics you can use to start a conversation when cold approaching, but make sure that you have genuine interest in Whatever it is you choose, or else you come across as a phony. Consistency of character is a trait that many women find attractive.
"Be yourself" has lost its meaning to the point where it is becoming a curse word when it comes to relationships.
Quote:
Originally Posted by howdydoody342
I disagree with part of the OP's post. I think people let themselves go more in relationships then when they are single. If you have a partner, what incentive is there to maintain a healthy weight, looks, ect.
Yeah, I have seen more people let themselves go in relationships than outside of relationships. But there may be no correlation there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogersParkGuy
Oh, nut to this. This is the kind of advice that people can go crazy trying to follow.
So, the key is, if you're trying, act like you're not trying. And if you're anxious, act confident. And if you're interested, act like you're not interested. Oh, please!
That is precisely what the OP is NOT saying.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant
In a stable relationship there is no reason to impress one's partner. A partner worth keeping will likewise keep her partner, whether or not his hair is combed, shoes tied, pants fitting properly and shirt buttoned.
Further, I disagree with the OP's contention that women respond positively (in a casual sense) to men who already have girlfriends or wives. From personal experience there is no correlation. When I was married, many women (and men) thought that I was single. Now single (long story...) fresh acquaintances of either gender are surprised that I'm not married, as the milieu in which I function consists almost entirely of married (or at least permanently coupled) people.
I do however agree on the importance of equanimity and stoicism. That a particular woman is impressed by a man's behavior is no reason to gloat; that she finds it to be puerile or even repulsive, is no reason to despair. Try steadfastly and with great resolve, only to fail repeatedly. Blithely venture here and there, and occasionally succeed. In the so-called, grand-scheme, nothing really matters. Relationships last while the lasting is good, and form for inscrutable reasons, if any. Why collect statistics of ratio of rejections to acceptances (or whatever is the operative term here)? Those of us who are not fools, regardless of gender, act in self-interest; and self-interest is unpredictable, even to the self. As for those who are fools - well, that's not even worth predicting.
This is no cause to withdraw from the struggle for relationships, in derisive contempt at sour-grapes. Stock markets, weather patterns, the dynamics between women and men - all are unpredictable, all will fluctuate. None admit to conquest by a "system". And that, perhaps, makes them especially beautiful.
I sort of agree with the parts I could understand.
I believe that there really is not really a correlation. But a lot of guys remark how all the women come out of the woodwork when they get a relationship. So there might be something going on. Either the man is satisfied and anything will be taken as a come on, or he might be sensitive.
In a stable relationship there is no reason to impress one's partner. A partner worth keeping will likewise keep her partner, whether or not his hair is combed, shoes tied, pants fitting properly and shirt buttoned.
Further, I disagree with the OP's contention that women respond positively (in a casual sense) to men who already have girlfriends or wives. From personal experience there is no correlation. When I was married, many women (and men) thought that I was single. Now single (long story...) fresh acquaintances of either gender are surprised that I'm not married, as the milieu in which I function consists almost entirely of married (or at least permanently coupled) people.
I do however agree on the importance of equanimity and stoicism. That a particular woman is impressed by a man's behavior is no reason to gloat; that she finds it to be puerile or even repulsive, is no reason to despair. Try steadfastly and with great resolve, only to fail repeatedly. Blithely venture here and there, and occasionally succeed. In the so-called, grand-scheme, nothing really matters. Relationships last while the lasting is good, and form for inscrutable reasons, if any. Why collect statistics of ratio of rejections to acceptances (or whatever is the operative term here)? Those of us who are not fools, regardless of gender, act in self-interest; and self-interest is unpredictable, even to the self. As for those who are fools - well, that's not even worth predicting.
This is no cause to withdraw from the struggle for relationships, in derisive contempt at sour-grapes. Stock markets, weather patterns, the dynamics between women and men - all are unpredictable, all will fluctuate. None admit to conquest by a "system". And that, perhaps, makes them especially beautiful.
LOL, I used to trade penny stocks and it was fun for about a year and then started stressing me out, I am also a pilot and the weather is the biggest frustration in aviation so it stands to reason that dating would also be a nightmare.
IF prostitutes were cheap and legal guys would not be trying so hard. You would not have hardly any domestic violence issues, etc. Its why guys seek adrenaline rushes as a poor substitute for sex, fast cars, motor cycles, etc. For me I fly aerobatics, it is the ultimate thrill, if you screw up your dead. In my case I also have a girlfriend but if I didn't what would I have to loose if I died in a plane wreck. Being a male in the USA is a nightmare.
Its really that simple.
"Its why guys seek adrenaline rushes as a poor substitute for sex, fast cars, motor cycles, etc "
Thats an interesting one. I'm going to have to think about that. That may be a Topic onto itself?
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. That may be a Topic onto itself?
