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Old 05-24-2013, 07:24 AM
 
7,492 posts, read 11,829,224 times
Reputation: 7394

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He's going to feel like you're punishing him, in fact he probably already does. Quit being so clingy and making him feel like you don't trust him.
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Old 05-24-2013, 09:11 AM
 
Location: Hell, NY
3,187 posts, read 5,151,683 times
Reputation: 5704
Quote:
Originally Posted by halfamazing View Post
No you are wrong. Don't be so passive. Don't feed bad advice. The key to a constructive relationship is communication. When he calls, he should be talking about things like how he and her should visit it or whether or not he dislikes it or not. Its a relationship and there are extreme feelings involved. Just cause you go away doesn't mean you are temporarily dismissed. Especially that you are going to a place where there will be all types of goodies... He needs to "keep the peace". That's basic 101. No matter what yo do, keep the peace and everyone is happy. And its not about figuring out what he is doing. Its about communication and talking about other things that put her mind at ease.

Stop being so passive. They have been together for 1 year. There is no such thing as i go away and don't hear from you and so don't worry about it. They are friends, mates, they share a bond and should also share the experience. But its not to say she should be challenging him and asking what has he been doing with other women..

Your the one feeding bad advice. What you say doesn't even make sense. You act like all guys will cheat at the drop of a hat just because they are guys. Not all guys are the same. Who are you to tell anyone how "they think" or "feel"? What makes you an authority on people? Who made you god? How do you have the nerve to tell others what they think or how they should feel regarding any topic..Such nerve..I would respond to everything you have said, but absolutely none of it makes sense..
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Old 05-24-2013, 09:15 AM
 
Location: Hell, NY
3,187 posts, read 5,151,683 times
Reputation: 5704
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
Well, I'd go more with the idea that love or feelings are not a binary switch, you can have feelings for someone but not have it be full blown "love". You can fall in love with someone, but also fall out of it, otherwise it makes no sense that anyone would get married with someone they also want to divorce, unless their feelings eroded over time. The answer itself, however, is fairly simple.

If you loved her (enough), you would not cheat on her. You can sugar coat it all you want.

Cheating surrounds deceit and impulse control issues. This equates to loving yourself far more than loving your partner since there's no such thing as accidental cheating.

You ("you" being rhetorical, here) can cheat on someone you love, it doesn't mean you don't love them, it just means you're a douchebag and they probably deserve someone better. (assuming the expectation of fidelity was set)

Now, Can you prioritize your own pleasure over the well-being of the person you love, risking to potentially hurt them a lot? Can you blatantly lie to the person you love?

This is a clear general "no" to me. "Love" implies valuing your partner, and this is not the case here.

So if someone cheats on their partner, by my definition they can't love them. If you want to be with somebody who cheat and love you at the same time, (LOL can't believe how pathetic this sounds) go right ahead. It is not a crime.
I agree with everything you put Lily. Can't argue any of it. Your man must be one lucky guy..
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Old 05-24-2013, 12:24 PM
 
2,758 posts, read 4,958,706 times
Reputation: 3014
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Grow up is the best way to keep a relationship working, then you really need to cut this guy loose because you don't trust him, you are wasting his time and yours and causing so much unnecessary drama over one weekend. Do you seriously HAVE TO KNOW HIS EVERY MOVE? Are you his Parent? Is he a minor? Are you even engaged? Seriously, you are way to controlling, clingy, and too immature to be in a real relationship.

Cut the guy loose so you can move on and he can go and have a real life without having to ask permission every time he needs to wipe.
Honestly, I like this post best.
+ 1

At the end of the day, one of two things will happen.
1. He has fun with his friends and any combo of the following occurs: drinking, gambling, bars, strippers, touristy stuff.
2. Any part of #1 PLUS HE CHEATS ON YOU.

Regardless, there really is nothing you can do about it. If he is a cheater, it may happen this weekend, it may happen next month, or it may happen next year.
You can't control him and whether or not he cheats. He may love you with all his heart, and then have a weak moment and cheat on you 20 years from now. All you can do is move forward with the knowledge you have at any given moment.
And if you can't trust him in THIS moment, then you should probably let him go find a woman who will trust him.
Or, just trust him now, and spend time with your family/friends this weekend.

And how does your bf know YOU won't cheat this weekend?
"I would never!!!" right? But how does HE know? He never will.

One time someone said to me and I quote, "You will be none the wiser what I do while you are unavailable."
That IS the kind of person to be worried about and have trust issues with.

But if your guy has done nothing or minimal trustworthy issue causing situations, then let it go.
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Old 05-24-2013, 12:43 PM
 
1,839 posts, read 3,066,325 times
Reputation: 1102
Quote:
Originally Posted by halfamazing View Post
No you are wrong. Don't be so passive. Don't feed bad advice. The key to a constructive relationship is communication. When he calls, he should be talking about things like how he and her should visit it or whether or not he dislikes it or not. Its a relationship and there are extreme feelings involved. Just cause you go away doesn't mean you are temporarily dismissed. Especially that you are going to a place where there will be all types of goodies... He needs to "keep the peace". That's basic 101. No matter what yo do, keep the peace and everyone is happy. And its not about figuring out what he is doing. Its about communication and talking about other things that put her mind at ease.

Stop being so passive. They have been together for 1 year. There is no such thing as i go away and don't hear from you and so don't worry about it. They are friends, mates, they share a bond and should also share the experience. But its not to say she should be challenging him and asking what has he been doing with other women..
Ok, I didn't see that they've been together a year. But why is she so worried then? If it is normal that they are together or at least in touch on the weekend , then yes, he should not get the "weekend off" unless he wants that. Normal phone conversation is fine. It's just that the OP comes off as really scared he's going to do things he shouldn't and if she gives off that vibe, it's a turn off that brings about that very thing. (eventually if she is this way often.)Yes, I've become too passive. Working on that. But I stand by the idea that not everyone is a good communicator. It's a skill.
She could go the other way and call him for reassurance , no matter what she says in the call, he will most likely pick up on the vibe that I pick up on here (the clinginess) and it will be a turn off. Can't they just go with the flow for one weekend? Trust and communication are super important, does she trust him or not? Does she have insecurity issues or has he done something to make her feel so worried?
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Old 05-24-2013, 12:53 PM
 
1,839 posts, read 3,066,325 times
Reputation: 1102
Quote:
Originally Posted by Relationshipgal1802 View Post
So my boyfriend of almost a year is going away this weekend for a long bachelor party and I'm freaking out about it.. I'm just not comfortable with him being gone that long with people I don't know doing things that I have no idea about! He's upset that I don't trust him and annoyed that I'm being clingy about the situation.. I need some advice on how to get through the wknd and keep this relationship!
Ok, I read this again. She needs to stop showing the clingy needy behavior! He already COMMUNICATED he is annoyed by it! She knows to go out with the girls and let him have his weekend with the guys, it's already been said. Again, WHY OP do you not trust him? Has he given you reason? If he has not and she wants to make it a year with him, she had better cut the crap. If he has given her just cause for her lack of trust, that is a different story. Better to be cool and have no calls over the weekend than to drive him nuts and ruin his good time. He is going to do what he is going to do and her being annoying is not going to change that.
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Old 05-24-2013, 01:52 PM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,650,496 times
Reputation: 12334
Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones View Post
Why are you dating a guy you don't trust?

And, has he given you some reason not to trust him?
Yes this. What gives?

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Old 05-24-2013, 01:56 PM
 
1,523 posts, read 1,954,054 times
Reputation: 2662
I think the OP has "peaced out". What a shame because I have become a curious monkey.
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Old 05-24-2013, 01:59 PM
 
Location: Keosauqua, Iowa
9,614 posts, read 21,270,240 times
Reputation: 13670
I haven't read all the replies, but it seems pretty clear from the OPs posts that either A) the boyfriend isn't really trustworthy, or B) the OP has some insecurity issues.

Regardless of which one it is, it seems that the correct answer is that the OP should break up with the guy.
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Old 05-24-2013, 02:10 PM
 
13,511 posts, read 19,279,635 times
Reputation: 16580
I think she otta just go out with the gals for a party of their own...to keep her mind off it.
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