Long Distance Relationships: Who Moved Where? (guys, partner, straight, different)
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It's about YOU too. You may not want to leave where you are living, and he may not want to leave. You may want kids or he may want them and you don't. Don't forget your personal development. This is the time to do it.
That is what compromising for love is for. I may not want this, but to keep us both happy I might have to and same for him. I will have to leave my family miles and miles away when we decide to move in together. If I wasn't willing to do that, he wouldn't be the right person for me.
That is what compromising for love is for. I may not want this, but to keep us both happy I might have to and same for him. I will have to leave my family miles and miles away when we decide to move in together. If I wasn't willing to do that, he wouldn't be the right person for me.
Yeah, hi. I was you once. I moved all the way to Hawaii. We broke up. I came back to the East Coast. And I liked Hawaii. But leaving my family "miles and miles away" was too much. Big difference between an hour-long flight and a 12-hour flight cross-country, across an ocean.
My current and I started as LDR, but I had already decided to move to the area for the sake of my career, or we never would have gotten together. We actually met while I was here scouting out areas to live. However, if we ever split up, I will probably leave where I am because there are other places in the country I like better, including the place where I used to live. I'd be lying if I told you that there weren't times when I wished he'd just retire already, but he can't, so we're stuck for now. I say "we" are stuck for now because he's not thrilled with where we are, either. If we had won that huge PowerBall a couple of weeks ago, we'd be out of here ASAP.
Think long and hard about this. If you would not want to live there without him, don't go. If you get there and you can't find work or settle in, you may come to resent him for it, especially if he's not going the extra mile to make you feel welcome, help you get started, etc.
Think long and hard about this. If you would not want to live there without him, don't go.
Yep.
I stayed after we broke up, because it had become home - it was a city I liked, I'd made friends, I had a job, I'd settled in over the course of five years. Moving away because my relationship ceased to be didn't really seriously enter my mind. If you wouldn't be at home there alone, don't make the move. Move to build a life somewhere new. Not just to be with a particular person, because there are no guarantees. If it's not somewhere you would otherwise want to live, I wouldn't uproot for the relationship and the relationship alone.
We have a while until we would move in together; school comes first. For a healthy relationship, do you think it is good to talk to him about some sort of plan for when we get to the move in stage so we know we can truly do this? (we have talked about it some)
I saw an LDR crash and burn, not mine, someone I know well, the day to day grind of being together all the time, changed the dynamic of the relationship completely. He moved into her house, with her Mother, they had dogs, he had cats, the pets did not get along, he brought his teen daughter, enough said.
So, maybe a couple can make it work, but when you add more layers, personally, have a reality check, before jumping in.
My personal choice for an LDR would be closing the gap in short order, but maintaining my own residence.
In my previous relationship, which started out LDR, when I moved to his city/state, I moved in with him, at his request. In our case, I don't think it ended up mattering much one way or another, but faced with a similar decision again, I'd likely move to the new city/state, but NOT cohabit right away. Skipping over the "dating" phase once we were living in the same ZIP code, and going straight from LDR to cohabiting with no conventional "dating" period in between is not likely something I'd do again.
My personal choice for an LDR would be closing the gap in short order, but maintaining my own residence.
In my previous relationship, which started out LDR, when I moved to his city/state, I moved in with him, at his request. In our case, I don't think it ended up mattering much one way or another, but faced with a similar decision again, I'd likely move to the new city/state, but NOT cohabit right away. Skipping over the "dating" phase once we were living in the same ZIP code, and going straight from LDR to cohabiting with no conventional "dating" period in between is not likely something I'd do again.
I think that is a big part of why some LDR's fall apart. People are so excited to finally be together (who wouldn't be?) that you skip an essential step. I want to do things right.
I saw an LDR crash and burn, not mine, someone I know well, the day to day grind of being together all the time, changed the dynamic of the relationship completely. He moved into her house, with her Mother, they had dogs, he had cats, the pets did not get along, he brought his teen daughter, enough said.
So, maybe a couple can make it work, but when you add more layers, personally, have a reality check, before jumping in.
Neither of us have kids and he has told me he won't be ready for kids for years. We've told each other we will keep our love fresh and full of new experiences. We are both adventurous and want to try new things and travel together.
Maybe they moved too quickly, added too many layers at once.
Yeah, hi. I was you once. I moved all the way to Hawaii. We broke up. I came back to the East Coast. And I liked Hawaii. But leaving my family "miles and miles away" was too much. Big difference between an hour-long flight and a 12-hour flight cross-country, across an ocean.
Think long and hard about this. If you would not want to live there without him, don't go.
I will make sure when the time comes to move that it is somewhere we would both enjoy living. I think it is worth getting out and living somewhere else, away from family, and finding my own home. Freebird
Last edited by kittycait; 05-30-2013 at 08:29 AM..
Reason: g
I recently moved in with my SO, who I have been with for over 2 years, we live in the same town, have been together a lot... It is interesting, to learn, new, quirky things I never knew about him before.
I wish you luck.
INMO, at some point in a LDR, there needs to be a plan, or end it.
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