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Old 05-27-2013, 12:21 PM
 
2,385 posts, read 3,885,190 times
Reputation: 2398

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Hi City-Data.

I've been out on a date with a gentlemen two times. We have a date lined up for this Wednesday. What I'd like to know is how to SLOW DOWN the physical aspects. I really like the guy, but I feel like I rushed into the physical stuff too soon.

On our last date, he walked me back to my car at the end of the night where we made out. Standing up, outside, hugging and a little tongue action. That was it, no touching naughty places and no petting. But looking back I feel like it was too much too soon (even though it wasn't ALL that much).

How do I tell him and slow things down without him thinking I don't like him. I REALLY like him, I just would like to take things more slowly. I'm afraid if I tell him that, he won't believe me bc we've already kissed.

The night after our date he texted me that our kisses were "magical" and that I was a good kisser and that he enjoyed them. He also said that good kisses lead to good sex and implied that if he and I had sex it would probably be phenomenal. While I agree with all that, I really think I need and WANT to take things more slowly.

How do I tell him without him thinking I don't like him? It just feels tricky because he seems gung ho while I'm having major reservations now.
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Old 05-27-2013, 12:29 PM
 
Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
5,900 posts, read 8,681,526 times
Reputation: 4383
Quote:
Originally Posted by Violett View Post
Hi City-Data.

I've been out on a date with a gentlemen two times. We have a date lined up for this Wednesday. What I'd like to know is how to SLOW DOWN the physical aspects. I really like the guy, but I feel like I rushed into the physical stuff too soon.

On our last date, he walked me back to my car at the end of the night where we made out. Standing up, outside, hugging and a little tongue action. That was it, no touching naughty places and no petting. But looking back I feel like it was too much too soon (even though it wasn't ALL that much).

How do I tell him and slow things down without him thinking I don't like him. I REALLY like him, I just would like to take things more slowly. I'm afraid if I tell him that, he won't believe me bc we've already kissed.

The night after our date he texted me that our kisses were "magical" and that I was a good kisser and that he enjoyed them. He also said that good kisses lead to good sex and implied that if he and I had sex it would probably be phenomenal. While I agree with all that, I really think I need and WANT to take things more slowly.

How do I tell him without him thinking I don't like him? It just feels tricky because he seems gung ho while I'm having major reservations now.

too much too son kissing him after the second date??

I dont understand your thought procces. How could anyone think thats too much too soon?
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Old 05-27-2013, 12:31 PM
 
2,385 posts, read 3,885,190 times
Reputation: 2398
I don't know, I can't really describe it. All I know is thought of doing it again makes me uncomfortable, even though I really like the guy.
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Old 05-27-2013, 12:36 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
59,663 posts, read 57,151,184 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Violett View Post
I don't know, I can't really describe it. All I know is thought of doing it again makes me uncomfortable, even though I really like the guy.
Well, you have to get past "I don't know" and sit down with yourself and figure why it makes you uncomfortable. What are you avoiding facing? What do you fear?

If you are going to have a relationship with this guy that you really like, you are going to have to be honest with him, and to be honest with him, you will first have to be honest with yourself.

You hold the answer.
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Old 05-27-2013, 12:37 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 22,937,583 times
Reputation: 24035
Quote:
Originally Posted by Violett View Post
Hi City-Data.

I've been out on a date with a gentlemen two times. We have a date lined up for this Wednesday. What I'd like to know is how to SLOW DOWN the physical aspects. I really like the guy, but I feel like I rushed into the physical stuff too soon.

On our last date, he walked me back to my car at the end of the night where we made out. Standing up, outside, hugging and a little tongue action. That was it, no touching naughty places and no petting. But looking back I feel like it was too much too soon (even though it wasn't ALL that much).

How do I tell him and slow things down without him thinking I don't like him. I REALLY like him, I just would like to take things more slowly. I'm afraid if I tell him that, he won't believe me bc we've already kissed.

The night after our date he texted me that our kisses were "magical" and that I was a good kisser and that he enjoyed them. He also said that good kisses lead to good sex and implied that if he and I had sex it would probably be phenomenal. While I agree with all that, I really think I need and WANT to take things more slowly.

How do I tell him without him thinking I don't like him? It just feels tricky because he seems gung ho while I'm having major reservations now.

Just be yourself, and if the kissing thing comes up again, just tell him how you feel. This is early in the dating scene...just because this is your second date, doesn`t make you an odd ball if you want to take things slow. I would tell him that, and if he don`t understand, then he just might be moving "gung ho" just to get you in bed! Good luck!
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Old 05-27-2013, 12:37 PM
 
6,756 posts, read 8,529,006 times
Reputation: 6788
If he moves in for a kiss, stop him with a gentle hand on his chest and say, 'I think you are super hawt, but we have been moving a bit faster than I am comfortable with.'

Quote:
I'm afraid if I tell him that, he won't believe me bc we've already kissed.
I hope you are just being paranoid. If he gives you any guff at all, you should dump him.

The right man wants to have the kind of sex that happens when you want it as much as he does, and is disgusted by the thought of having sex with you when you don't really want to.
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Old 05-27-2013, 12:38 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
59,663 posts, read 57,151,184 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by capitol View Post
If you are uncomfortable kissing on the 2nd date, please stop dating as a favor to all men out there.
How is that helpful? Grow up.
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Old 05-27-2013, 12:39 PM
 
6,756 posts, read 8,529,006 times
Reputation: 6788
I have, in the past, usually had sex on the third date. And I still felt that kissing on the second date was too fast. The OP is not weird.
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Old 05-27-2013, 12:42 PM
 
2,385 posts, read 3,885,190 times
Reputation: 2398
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
Well, you have to get past "I don't know" and sit down with yourself and figure why it makes you uncomfortable. What are you avoiding facing? What do you fear?

If you are going to have a relationship with this guy that you really like, you are going to have to be honest with him, and to be honest with him, you will first have to be honest with yourself.

You hold the answer.
Thanks This response was helpful

The answer is, for me, is that I feel like I'm kissing a stranger. Yes, we've talked extensively on our dates and via text over the week, but it's still been only two dates. I met him though a dating site, so unlike the other guys I've dated in my past who I've known forever before we started dating, this guy is so much like a stranger compared to them. So it just feels weird, in a sense.

Quote:
Originally Posted by YankeeGirl313
Just be yourself, and if the kissing thing comes up again, just tell him how you feel. This is early in the dating scene...just because this is your second date, doesn`t make you an odd ball if you want to take things slow. I would tell him that, and if he don`t understand, then he just might be moving "gung ho" just to get you in bed! Good luck!
I told him that I don't have sex before monogamy (and I don't), but I realize that I might be sending mixed signals? Totally not on purpose. But if I am, I def need to stop!
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Old 05-27-2013, 12:45 PM
 
2,385 posts, read 3,885,190 times
Reputation: 2398
Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones View Post
If he moves in for a kiss, stop him with a gentle hand on his chest and say, 'I think you are super hawt, but we have been moving a bit faster than I am comfortable with.'



I hope you are just being paranoid. If he gives you any guff at all, you should dump him.

The right man wants to have the kind of sex that happens when you want it as much as he does, and is disgusted by the thought of having sex with you when you don't really want to.
You are so right! I tried to rep you but I couldn't.

I'm just worried he'll think I'm not attracted to him, which is absolutely not the case. But maybe preferencing that I don't want to kiss him right now with "I still think you're super hot" may help him feel a bit better.

It's just that if a guy said that he didn't want to kiss me right now, after he already had, it would hurt my feelings. Even if he said I was hot. So I'm trying really hard to not hurt his feelings.
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