Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
blah blah blah.........it is all talk my dear no action
I can tell you that you are beautiful but that does not mean I am going to give up my sports and my mother for you
The problem is HE DOES NOT REALLY WANT TO BE WITH YOU........it is that simple and common sense should have already told you by now that he is not worth the time and energy you are wasting trying to "figure out what went wrong and what the problem is". In the grand scheme of things it really does NOT MATTER what HIS PROBLEM IS, it matters that YOU GET AWAY FROM HI and start living your life, finding happiness, finding real love, finding real commitment, finding lint in your belly button. Just finding SOMETHING besides making excuses for his excuses.
Are you getting the picture here?
Yeah I get what you are trying to say and I hate my self for coming across so desperate. It is strange how he behaves sometimes though. Why would a 28 year old guy have to lie to his own mum that he is going to work if he has a day off. I'm talking leaving the house in his uniform and then changing when he gets to where ever it is he has to go to. It's happened a few times he's met me on a work day we both booked off. He is meant to be meeting me today after work because he is taking a rest from judo from an injury...I have a gut feeling he has told his mum he is going to judo still and not saying he is seeing me...
Yeah I get what you are trying to say and I hate my self for coming across so desperate. It is strange how he behaves sometimes though. Why would a 28 year old guy have to lie to his own mum that he is going to work if he has a day off. I'm talking leaving the house in his uniform and then changing when he gets to where ever it is he has to go to. It's happened a few times he's met me on a work day we both booked off. He is meant to be meeting me today after work because he is taking a rest from judo from an injury...I have a gut feeling he has told his mum he is going to judo still and not saying he is seeing me...
Yet you still agreed to meet him........I hope you are going to break it off with him when you meet and move on.
After this, I surrender, many people on this thread have given you good sound advice and you just do not appear to really want to accept the fact that you are not an important part of his life.
Let me point out one more thing then I am done..........."He is meeting me today because he is taking a rest from judo because of an injury" and "I have a gut feeling he has told his mum he is going to judo and not saying he is going to see me".........
SO now that he is injured he is taking time off and can work you into his schedule but when he is not injured he has no time for you and he is not telling his mother because he is ashamed of you OR he is a mommasboywussbaby who is not mature enough to be his own man, stand on his own and tell his mother to bug out of his life.
Ok so please clarify this as much to yourself as to the rest of us OP:
What is it about this boy (i will not say man) that keeps you want to stick around?
Are you only sticking around because you are in a situation you are used to?
And in that case are you willing to waste your youthful years on this guy because of that uncertainty rather than take a chance at finding someone who is at least somewhat qualified to be in a relationship?
Ok so please clarify this as much to yourself as to the rest of us OP:
What is it about this boy (i will not say man) that keeps you want to stick around?
Are you only sticking around because you are in a situation you are used to?
And in that case are you willing to waste your youthful years on this guy because of that uncertainty rather than take a chance at finding someone who is at least somewhat qualified to be in a relationship?
Yeah it probably is that im used to how things are. I'm scared how I will feel after we break up. I don't want to regret it.
Yeah it probably is that im used to how things are. I'm scared how I will feel after we break up. I don't want to regret it.
I know I said I surrender however,
How in the world can you even think you will REGRET getting away from a man who:
DOES NOT WANT YOU
DOES NOT NEED YOU
DOES NOT HAVE TIME FOR YOU
DOES NOT PUT YOU ABOVE HIS MOTHER
DOES NOT THINK YOU ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN SPORTS, JUDO, KARATE, HIJOCKEY OR WHATEVER ELSE HE IS INTO
DOES NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU LET ALONE SLEEP IN THE SAME BED WITH YOU
DOES NOT WANT TO MOVE OUT OF HIS MOTHER'S HOME AND OUT FROM UNDER HER THUMB
DOES NOT TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT SEEING YOU WHEN TALKING TO HIS MOTHER ABOUT WHERE HE IS GOING
DOES NOT TELL ANYONE ABOUT YOU
Yeah it probably is that im used to how things are. I'm scared how I will feel after we break up. I don't want to regret it.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years if you continue with him?
What will you do when you wake up, look in the mirror visibly older than now, and still have a boyfriend who lives with his mother and prioritizes like a 10 year old, while your peers are in steady relationships with kids, picket fences and men who actually like coming home to their families?
Equally for him; how do think he's gonna learn to cut his bellybutton cord unless someone really shows him he's messing up?
Where do you see yourself in 5 years if you continue with him?
What will you do when you wake up, look in the mirror visibly older than now, and still have a boyfriend who lives with his mother and prioritizes like a 10 year old, while your peers are in steady relationships with kids, picket fences and men who actually like coming home to their families?
Equally for him; how do think he's gonna learn to cut his bellybutton cord unless someone really shows him he's messing up?
Well in September I am studying my masters full time. I will be moving back in with my mum and siblings to save on rent. After i finish the LPC I then want to find a legal job so I can move back out again. If I am still with my boyfriend and he doesn't want to move in with me then, then I will DEFINATELY have to say my goodbyes. I am not looking to ever get married or have children in all honesty. I have voiced this to him and he seems to just ignore what I say but at the same time doesn't say he has to have children. I know that in 3 years time I will want to be living with a partner and working full time. My needs at the moment are all over the place. Like I said in the original post for now it's just the intimacy/loneliness thing that's the issue. But like everyone has been saying I know I should be focusing on the future just as much as the present.
The issue in my opinion is analogues to a woman prioritizing college classes and studies over spending greater amounts of time with her boyfriend as he requests of her. Which would be the more feminist thing to do? Drop your 18 credits per semester in your chemistry major for 12 or 9 credits to open up more time you can spend with your boyfriend (especially if you work evenings), or to tell you boyfriend you will not hold yourself back for him?
Um, the issue is exactly about prioritization. This guy will not prioritize his time for her. He could if he wanted to. He could spend more time with her and less time on his hobby and mommy.
Quote:
And I infer from your statement you assume you have some divine, universal, truth on what the only conception of a "relationship" can be.
The Tibetan woman that marries to brothers, one of which is 10 years old, and grooms him for the day he comes of age to take on sexual relations with her, has a relationship with both those males even the one 10 when he's age 10.
I can't tell the Original Poster making the inquiry what relationship is best for her. Primarily because I do not know her. And perhaps this guy is not good for her. What I was suggesting to her is that there are different angles to look at things.
What the (blank) does that have to do with this situation? The point is that in our monogamous society, where we have 1 man and 1 woman as a couple, each person must decide what priority to give to the relationship. This man does not place a high priority on it. But thanks for the meaningless cultural relativism.
Quote:
You're assuming your experience with schedules for figure skating are normative for every single thing in life.
I also sense you might have taken umbrage at my point those of us responding in this thread--especially criticizing the Original Poster's boyfriend--are average. I'll also hazard a guess you think you are a good person. In fact I would say you would probably respond, "I know I'm a good person." Maybe you might even say "great" or close to "perfect."
No, I'm not assuming that. I'm giving an example of how a person can prioritize and shuffle things around. If schedules don't allow, one could also cut back the number of days. There are a number of ways to prioritize and accommodate, if one really wants to. And I didn't say he was BAD. I said he doesn't care enough about her or the relationship to prioritize her very high. So if he doesn't prioritize her, and that is what she wants, she should leave the relationships.
Quote:
Who is bad in the relationship where both husband and wife have an "open marriage" and are "swingers"? And is the Pope's opinion and teaching about such a married couple universally, objectively, morally true?
WTH are you babbling about? Open marriage, swingers, the Pope, Tibetan wives with multiple husbands, blah blah. All of this is so immaterial to the OP and to my response.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
