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So by now it's been over a year since I broke up with my ex.
I went through a very rough patch which consisted mainly of daily weed-smoking so I wouldn't feel anything. I took a trip to Thailand to "snap out of it" and party my ass off ... the good old "dude you just need to get laid to get over her!!..'" (right..)
after being depressed as hell for about 6 months I picked myself up from the gutter, started hitting the gym like a mad men and in result lost 33 pounds, gained a ****load of muscle and am now in the best shape of my life. I moved to a much bigger and vibrant city. I went cold turkey on the weed, succesfully. I quit the job I didn't like to start at a young, start-up company that is doing exciting and interesting stuff which challenges me every day. I've dated a few other girls which I met when I moved to the new city.
So at this point, anyone would say (including me) "Hey man, good for you! You've made it through and have started a new life!".
Well, I'm still not happy. In fact, I'm very far from it.
Even though I haven't spoken to my ex in over a year, I still think about her every 2 hours at least. Worst part is I'm not even romanticising her or our relationship. I'm 100% full aware that we used to fight a LOT, that there were plenty things about her I didn't like & vica versa. All I know is that I've never experienced such pure and utter happiness as when things were going well. None of the girls I've spoken to or dated come even close to capturing my interest. It's not even about sex. I couldn't care less to be honest.
I just catch myself at work, dreaming away, thinking "I feel like ****". I will hear or read something that remotely resembles my ex's last name, and I'll have a whole movie play back in my mind.
Anyways, having said that I did all the "right things" to move on and start over.... I'm starting to see that none of these things will help me.. as it is very clear that I am the problem and nothing else.
This is why I'm planning to give it 3 more months, and if by then things haven't changed yet I will be quitting my job and leaving everything behind.
I've been playing with this idea in the back of my mind for a while now so I have put money aside on another account which I've labeled "The Great Escape" (yes, I know lol).
I intend to use that money to move to another country for as long as I'll be able to survive, and just completely try and survive on my own. I'm leaning very much towards Brazil as I'd like to believe there would be great job opportunities. I've got about 12k saved up, so I figure it should atleast last me 5 months if I look after my expenses and find a way of income.
I feel like at this point I need to do something impulsive, life-changing to reset my soul and just figure out exactly WHO I am and WHAT I want. I believe I'll only find out by getting put in an extreme situation.
I am going to strongly recommend that you don't do this. It's not that you shouldn't travel and better yourself... but you've already made some life changing decisions. You're better physically but not mentally. Your next move shouldn't be doing the same thing.
No matter where you go, she'll be there. Your problems will be there. Now on top of that you won't have a job and will be in a brand new place. The last thing you want to add on top of emotional problems is dealing with financial ones.
I could be completely wrong with this. You might find peace with yourself and with your breakup. But you have to deal with these problems no matter where you are. Your location isn't going to change how you feel. So why not deal with it where you are? You might think a year is an adequate amount of time to get over someone, but how long were you with her? How much time and energy did you invest in this relationship? Did you ever get closure with her? I ask because sometimes things don't ever really end.
And maybe the women you're seeing aren't as great because you're giving them unreachable expectations. No one will look or be like the woman you dated. They won't smell like her or have her quirky attributes that make her... her. And that's why you need to give yourself plenty of time alone to deal with that and come to terms with it. I would hope that it doesn't take years but at this point, you may even want to seek counseling to just sort through your problems.
Just trying to give some helpful advice. I hope things work out for you.
Anyways, having said that I did all the "right things" to move on and start over.... I'm starting to see that none of these things will help me.. as it is very clear that I am the problem and nothing else.
You didn't do all the right things because you still haven't figured out the problem is your addictive personality and not any particular girl who dumped you. If you make a drastic life change and find a "cure", I'm willing to bet it will be another girl to obsess over or another activity to become addicted to. This may work if this girl turns out to be the one and you guys live happily ever after or the activity is actually something productive. However, if this endeavor fails, you will once again be back to your current state. You have to figure why outside of obsessive/addictive activities, no other pursuits seem to give you any degree of happiness. A healthy content individual takes pleasures from many things in life and do not let one thing overshadow everything else.
Snapping a rubber-band on your wrist and saying "PINK ELEPHANT" isn't enough to stop the obsessive thoughts?
Because although it's perfectly understandable to take time to grieve a broken relationship and heal from a break-up, and it's normal to build a new life for yourself and focus on yourself and your goals for a while, healthy, resilient people don't need to resort to extremes. Sounds like you have some irrational thought patterns and are fixated on your ex in an unhealthy way. Maybe you would benefit from some professional counseling.
I would suggest not escaping away from your issues and deal with them, somehow. possibly some professional counseling/help?
And sometimes, it just takes time to get over someone. gl
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