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OP, I am sorry to hear about what is going on with you right now. I guess you thought she would have cared more than she did. I am also sorry about that.
I think you should maybe turn to your family for support as well as maybe a support group. Maybe something for newly diagnosed cancer patients, and even more so, the type of cancer you have.
I have certain health issues I can talk to people about but never do they truly understand. I have found a community of people with my same type of issues and am able to talk to them and be talking to someone who truly understands, and actually cares because they know how I am feeling. We have all become steadfast friends over the years.
I am sorry the outcome of your call wasn't different and you shouldn't feel bad about coming here either. There is also a cancer sub-forum here on city data you may want to check out.
I am sorry about your diagnosis. I think you must be in shock. Try to put everything else out of your mind and focus on your health and upcoming surgery. Turn to people you can count on because you will need them. This girl is a tiny, inconsequential speck compared to what you are about to face.
It has been said that you find out who your real friends are when the going gets tough. I hope you know that you have friends here at C-D as well.
I am shocked at your diagnosis, just as I was the other day when another member was diagnosed with breast cancer. I wish you well and will be thinking of you along your journey.
We will be your therapy group. Don't worry about a thing. You know you can always post somewhere on this forum and find someone who understands something that you're feeling. You'll also find people to give you some tough love when you need it.
As for your ex, you must realize she was probably taken by surprise and may not have know exactly what to say. A year has gone by. Don't beat yourself up over it. People are never as good as they'd like to be. That's not much comfort compared to what you are experiencing now. Sorry things have gone so bad just when they were improving.
Well, when my ex died by suicide, I didn't get much supports either. My best friend told me, "You need to pick yourself up and move on." This is a woman who is way out of whack and she will cry or get angry over the drop of a hat. She has the nerve to tell me to pick myself up and move on on the first day my loved one committed suicide? You have to be kidding me!!
I found a suicide survivor support group and I also seek professional help. I learned to rely on myself. Telling others what you are going through is like trying to explain colors to a blind person. It is impossible.
Maybe you can find a local support group. Talk to people who shared similar experiences. As soon as you find out you are not alone, you know you will be okay.
I'm sure more than a few people are familiar with my story.
Was madly in love with a girl. She moved to another country, I caught a "mild infection" to my jaw, couldn't follow her and we eventually broke up. We never spoke again after the day we broke-up. (My decision.)
2 hours ago doctors told me that the mild infection in my jaw which has been dragging on for about 2 years now has developed in to a cancer. They'll be removing my entire jaw + bottom row teeth after which I'll need radation therapy.
I'm still in shock right now. Anyways, instinctivly I picked up the phone and called my ex. I've never had a deeper bond with anyone else in my life when we were together. She was my very best friend besides being my girlfriend. So I just felt like I needed her, to hell with the "no contact" rule.
So I call her, I tell her. She says "that is horibble". But her voice just gave of no sense of emotion or compassion whatsoever. I know this sounds really attention-whorish but I at least expected her to react very surprised and shocked. And she was just super calm, telling me "I am sure things will be fine."
I can't believe it.
We also discussed the fact that we hadn't spoken so long and she was like "well yeah, we can still be friends ofcourse". And again, not the words, but the way she said it... I just felt so incredibly distant. It felt like I was talking to someone I just met 4 minutes ago. I just didn't know how to act.
So I tried telling her how scared I am, how I really need someone to talk to. And she said "the right things" as in "you know you can always call me if you need someone to talk.." but it just came out so incredibly cold... it actually made me feel even worse than before I called her. At one point I realised that I was just talking and talking and talking and she would give 5 word long replies... And I just felt like "look at you, you pathetic little being... rambling on the phone about your problems to a stranger who couldn't care less".
So I said "well it was nice talking, I'll let you get on with your day then" She forced out another "u know I'm here if you need me.." line which sounded like she could barely stomach saying and we said we would "chat on whatsapp later" ..
I mean... that woman means so much to me. And today I learned that I mean absolutely nothing to her. I'm a memory. An "ex" who just so happens to be going through a rough time with cancer.
On top of that it's pretty sad I have to run here to come and vent, but at this point I don't want to talk to real life people. I'd much rather take the keyboard abuse from my CD forum companions lol.
And before anyone wants to get all "OK, so you got diagnosed with cancer and the first thing u did was make a thread on CD..?" on me.... what can I say? I felt like it. boo hoo.
This news just sucks I'm so sorry about your diagnosis.
Of course you were scared and feeling vulnerable and just wanted to connect with someone you care for! Most of us would feel the same way I'm sure.
Sadly, it does seem as though your "no contact" rule for so long (2 years right?) has put her in the position of having to move on, so I'm not surprised she didn't give you the warmth and support you were hoping for. I know that was the second shock of your day, but once you've had some time to think about it, it might make more sense to you.
Now that you know how she feels, you must try to let it go.
You have a HUGE fight on your hands to beat this thing and you need all your attention focused on that, okay?
I know that many hospitals have cancer support groups. Call your doctor's office or local hospital ASAP and get them to direct you to one. You do need support right now, more than ever. And getting it from others who have been where you are will be really powerful and helpful for you.
You will be in my prayers. Please keep us posted on how things go.
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