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I have a hard time imagining myself ending up in this situation to start with. It's pretty much inconceivable. For the sake argument, let's say I'm a selfish enough ***** to reach as far as divorce court, I'd still want access to my children and I'd still need to be able to support them and so would the ex. So an equal distribution of assets would be the route I'd take. And it's not fair. Not by a long shot in this scenario.
All these idealists who would not leave or cheat! LMAO In reality, many would probably do one or both, IMO. It makes no sense to stay if you are truly unhappy. Of course, I think you should attempt to rekindle the passion with your spouse and exhaust all avenues before deciding to end things. IF you have done all that sincerely, and it hasn't worked, it's time to go.
It is always appropriate to be fair and kind when divorcing in such cases. It's only if the spouse becomes greedy or unreasonable that hard-ball tactics should be used. I think it would be a simple matter of self-respect and decency, though it seems some people can rationalize any kind of despicable behavior if it benefits them. Even if it harms their kids. Go figure!
"You talked to a lawyer, and he tells you that he can make sure you can get whatever you want. You can get full custody, lifetime alimony, and 100% of the assets because you are the one in need of the money. "
The first thing I would do is get another lawyer, lifetime alimony is basically a thing of the past, and a 100% of the assets...in your dreams.
"You talked to a lawyer, and he tells you that he can make sure you can get whatever you want. You can get full custody, lifetime alimony, and 100% of the assets because you are the one in need of the money. "
The first thing I would do is get another lawyer, lifetime alimony is basically a thing of the past, and a 100% of the assets...in your dreams.
I agree. if a lawyer is that good, all the alimony payments you will be receiving will be going to pay his fee. OP, I really don't know what you expect people to say, of course many people are going to say they wouldn't do it. And to be honest In many situations even people who do leave their spouse for that reason, never would have thought they would do something like that. That is why I always say I hope I am never in that position, instead of I would never do something, because you don't know what curveball can be thrown your way in the near future.
You can't get serious results in here, because that's not how it goes. Why on earth would someone admit of doing something that makes him/her bad? What you need to watch is the REALITY how people act in such situations. In fact, everyone thinks they wouldn't do it.
I.E. I cannot hear any person who would say this: "I'd cheat and if I get caught I'll still do anything within my legal options to gain the best of it that I can". And you didn't offer it in the options either. But guess what, if you had such deal for guys, lots of them would do it. If you don't believe this is true, just watch how women resonate in situations when they're caught cheating and figure it out. They even have an explanation for bastard child and you'll be at fault for them making you raise other man's child without knowing.
Although it's easy to point finger on imbalanced and unjust laws, the real problem is the attitude of people and society as a whole, and especially the ideology that is tutored by the "relevant" people in education, politics, legislation etc. They create the atmosphere that condones such behavior and then maintains it by making it completely legal.
Maybe. I don't believe that all of the people here would not leave their husbands/wifes in such a scenario. The right thing to do in such a scenario is to cut off the new love interest. That is very hard for a lot of people. If you don't cut them off, then the new person is going to slowly destroy your current relationship.
Hence, I thought about giving the option to not leave, but decided not too because it was a too easy option. However, I am not sure if you are right that everyone will try to get the best deal they can. For instance courts rarely award custody to the dad or even shared custody. But still, many women do agree to have shared custody after divorce. Also, I have heard about several cases where the ex-wife chooses to not sue for alimony, even though she could have gotten it.
I have been in the situation (not divorce, but break up and no new love interest) and I felt extremely guilty. I think some women/men are like what you described, and would take the deal because their thinking is selfish. Certainly one girl I have been with would. But I think a lot of other women/men would not, provided the divorce happened on good terms.
All these idealists who would not leave or cheat! LMAO In reality, many would probably do one or both, IMO. It makes no sense to stay if you are truly unhappy. Of course, I think you should attempt to rekindle the passion with your spouse and exhaust all avenues before deciding to end things. IF you have done all that sincerely, and it hasn't worked, it's time to go.
It is always appropriate to be fair and kind when divorcing in such cases. It's only if the spouse becomes greedy or unreasonable that hard-ball tactics should be used. I think it would be a simple matter of self-respect and decency, though it seems some people can rationalize any kind of despicable behavior if it benefits them. Even if it harms their kids. Go figure!
I'm not an idealist. I do know what choices I would or would not make still having minor children though. I can 100% say I wouldn't plan on getting involved with someone else while my children are still under 18.
Let's say you have a Husband/Wife. (S)he is a decent person, (s)he earns a decent income. You also have two kids.
You recently found a new love interest, who you feel is perfect in all ways, and hence lost interest in your current spouse. Because of this you have started to fight more as well. Hence you decided to leave your spouse, and you are getting a divorce.
You talked to a lawyer, and he tells you that he can make sure you can get whatever you want. You can get full custody, lifetime alimony, and 100% of the assets because you are the one in need of the money.
What would you do?
1. Go to a court and get everything you want
2. Use the deal as a threat to get a very advantageous deal.
3. Get a fair deal with shared custody, and equal division of assets
4. Let your ex get what (s)he wants as you feel bad about divorcing your ex for selfish reasons.
Let me see if I can get some more confidence in humanity.
I am in a situation where I want a divorce. The interest in the spouse part is gone. We do not sleep together literally or sexually and have not for almost a year. We will never have sex again. She won't even hug me, for God's sake. We fight constantly. She has even been violent.
I have not filed for divorce because I do not feel the system will be fair to me, especially in terms of my ability to raise the boys . So, if I could get full custody, lifetime alimony and 100 percent of the assets, my first impulse would be to do 1 and 2 and really stick it to her. After all, she deserves it.
But ultimately that would not be fair, and it would hurt her and, as much as I do not want to admit, the kids as well. So as much as I hate her, I could not do that to her. I just want #3 - a fair deal.
BTW, there is no outside love interest involved and none foreseen over the horizon. I wish that were possible, but I'm skeptical at this point.
I can 100% say I wouldn't plan on getting involved with someone else while my children are still under 18.
Plans go awry. Circumstances have a funny way of changing minds. I'll grant you 99%, but am skeptical you can be 100% certain of what you'd do.
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