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Old 06-04-2013, 05:27 PM
2 posts, read 6,570 times
Reputation: 10



My love story has so much love and drama that it sounds like a book or a movie (rather not in a positive way), I know. I would love to hear your opinion though.

I met my ex-boyfriend (27, now 29) more than a year ago. I was 24 at that time. He's from a different country than I am, even from a different continent. We met in the city I lived in at that time, we met because we have a common friend and he's twice a month in my city for work (although it's so far).

We directly fell in love. He had a girlfriend and that time and broke directly up with her for me. He was sure from the first moment that I'm the love of his life and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I was sure too. I know, for many that sounds cheesy, unrealistic and naive- and maybe it was. All I know is that I've never met a man in my life who I loved so incredibly much, so unconditionally, it was a different feeling from any boyfriend I had before. We seemed to harmonize just perfectly. After just two months of long-distance relationship I decided to move to his country to live with him. The moment fit perfectly because that was when my Master's degree in that city ended and I wasn't a studied anymore, but I also didn't have a job yet. I've lived in many different countries my entire life (also the city I studied in and where we met is abroad so I barely lived in the country where I'm actually from), so I thought why not try it and move there. So I moved there.

In the first months we were so happy, I found a job in his country and everything seemed to be perfect. We did a lot of things together, made plans for the future and I met his whole family and all of his friends. But then the fighting started. I don't even know why it started but it did. We fought at least once a week about the most stupid things like 'Can you please be more careful with the dishes' or 'I don't like the way you talk to me' from both sides. Sometimes we fought and then we didn't talk to each other for a day. The times we didn't fight were still amazing. There was so much love and passion between us, we did many things together and still shared a lot of similarities and interests. Although we had those fights I never doubted that he was the man for me.

Then, from one day to another, after another fight, he broke up with me. He said that he still loves me incredibly much, but that those fights are too much for him and that he has never fought with anyone so much in his life. I was devastated and angry and moved to a friend (in the same city). We didn't have contact for just a few days, then we started texting and meeting again. Eventually we started hooking up again and we became a couple again - Just few weeks after breaking up. He told me that he loves me so much and that he's thinking about me all the time and that we have to work on our problems.

The problems came back. We started fighting again about stupid things, sometimes ignored each other for hours or even a day, again. Nevertheless we kept telling each other (when we were not fighting) how much we love each other and made plans for the future. In the moments we didn't fight we were completly happy, like a couple who just fell in love, kissing, holding hands all the time, cuddling, great sex.
The fighting didn't stop though, so after just 2.5 months after getting back together we broke up again, this time from both sides. All in all we were together for almost a year. It was a painful breakup because we both knew we still loved each other so much.

I took my stuff and moved back to the city I studied in, back to that other continent, far away from him. I started a new life there, found a job, met new people etc. I was happy but I constantly missed him. We weren't in contact for a couple of weeks, then started texting sometimes on Whatsapp. Then we met again when he came to my city again for work, because he had to bring me some stuff I left at his house. That was one month ago. At that point I hadn't seen him for 5 months. We just hung out as friends, had a really great time. Over the time we started texting more and he admitted how much he constantly misses me, how much he still loves me. I felt and still feel the same. I've been back in my city here for more than 6 months now and I still love him like crazy, not even a little bit less than before. I did my best going out, meeting new people, even meeting new guys, but all I can think of is my ex.

Ever since we met we had been in contact a lot again, also via Skype. The second time we met in my city almost 2 weeks ago, everything was beautiful again, and we kissed. Now we're all the time on Skype. None of us says we're back together, but we're skyping every day, saying that we miss each other and that we cannot wait to see each other soon again. We didn't fight again or anything.

I don't know what this is leading too. I love him so much, after all this time. He still loves me too. But I already moved to his country for him. If I do it again, what if it doesn't work again. He has a great job in his country in a very specific niche, so he cannot just move to any city in the world. He could move to other cities, but not to any. And I don't know if he would.
On the other hand, I somehow cannot give him up. It feels so right with him. It has never felt so right with anyone in my entire life. I love him incredibly much and cannot and don't want to get over him. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I would appreciate any advice. Thank you.
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Old 06-04-2013, 05:42 PM
Location: Davenport, Iowa
2,468 posts, read 3,588,036 times
Reputation: 3419
If the fights are so bad that you have to constantly break up and get back together, I don't think he's the one for you. Add in the distance and I think this relationship is probably best for just friendship or cutting him off if you can't be friends.
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Old 06-04-2013, 06:20 PM
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,161 posts, read 41,773,101 times
Reputation: 82894
Honestly, this sounds like every other "couple drama" story I have ever heard.

Take out the foreign travel and it's about as romantic as the trailer park drama I used to hear from the redneck girl I worked with at a department store several years ago.

Here is my take: ANY relationship is "unconditional, happy and perfect" when you are long-distance and brand new. It only serves to build your anticipation for each other.

Then you saw what happened in real life when you had to live together daily.

As for your recent hookup, it's easy to rekindle a spark like you had when you've been away for a while.

What it's leading to? Years of "on again, off again" until you're back on here in 10 years wondering why you can't find a man who will father your children.
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Old 06-04-2013, 06:31 PM
Location: Toronto
2,161 posts, read 2,349,172 times
Reputation: 1148
You need to move on.
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Old 06-04-2013, 06:39 PM
192 posts, read 320,410 times
Reputation: 396
U won't last. Honeymoon phase written all over it. He is not the one. You guys are not compatible. Let it go asap.
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Old 06-04-2013, 07:18 PM
Location: SW Missouri
15,847 posts, read 30,345,392 times
Reputation: 22356
What you are feeling for him and what he is feeling for you is sexual attraction, not love. Love is a feeling that develops over a period of time and is based upon mutual respect and admiration as well as shared history and life events.

It seems obvious to me, and some of the others who have responded to your post that even though you are apparently very sexually compatible, you cannot live together for any period of time without getting on each other's nerves.

Having a relationship requires a lot of compromise and sacrifices. If you are both stubborn about things and want them "your way", and cannot agree to cooperate and compromise, then you will never have a successful long-term relationship. If you break up over arguments about how careful you are with dishes, do you really believe that you can remain together if larger, and more difficult matters occur? Of course not.

I agree with the other posters who suggest to move on. It sounds like both of you need some maturity before you are at the place in your life to make a long-term commitment with another person.

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Old 06-04-2013, 07:34 PM
Location: The State Line
2,275 posts, read 3,169,045 times
Reputation: 2603
You seem to have an idealized view of relationships: Of course you're happy so long as everything is "perfect." Every relationship will have ups and downs from time to time. If you're going to break up every time things go sour instead of working on issues (if they're manageable/reasonable disagreements, which the ones you mentioned seem to be), then neither one of you is ready for a real relationship.
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Old 06-04-2013, 08:16 PM
Location: Atlanta & NYC
6,620 posts, read 11,664,574 times
Reputation: 6603
Smh for real.
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