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Is there a point when you have dated/ lived with someone so long that marriage creates issues?
I dated my ex husband seven years before we got married. We were married less than two years before we separated. I now realize we should have never married because we were not meant to be together.
I have been with my current bf more than five years. We have lived together almost the entire time and I can say without a doubt that I am happy with him and can't imagine not being in a relationship with him. I am pretty sure he feels the same way.
Yet we have never gotten married.
Does marriage ruin long term relationships? Why do people choose to not get married when in a longterm relationship?
No, getting married almost never ruins strong LTRs. I'd say your case was unusual.
I think it only ruins the LTR if the LTR wasn't good to begin with and you got married for the wrong reasons (peer/societal pressure, usually). I know a lot of my friends got married and I was comparing myself to them and wanted to get married while in an LTR even though it wasn't to the point yet where marriage was a good idea. If we had gotten married it would've ended in disaster I am sure. I wasn't (and I'm still not) ready for a commitment, which needs to be there before you make it legal. Now that doesn't mean I'm looking to date other people, but there is a difference between being exclusive and pledging your life to someone.
I'm sure people have many reasons why they don't marry, even when in a long term relationship.
My first marriage was long, but very unsatisfying. I was in no hurry to marry again, if ever. However, finding the RIGHT person changes many things. My wife and I lived together for 7 years before deciding to marry, and were more than a little worried that it might changes things for the worse. It did not - it really changed nothing tangible, but there is something hard to pin down that feels a little different (in a positive way), now that we are. We made a good decision - for us. We both feel this is our ideal relationship, and expect this one to last a lifetime.
I am very much in favor of marriage for those who want it - and also in favor of whatever other form of relationship anyone else wants. There are many good options, IMO.
So happy that it worked out for you. Obviously, the feeling has to be mutual. This one's ---> for me.
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for me.
