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Did it bother you? How did it make you feel? How did things turn out?
(Note: I made this thread to hear actual stories or feelings of those who have been settled for, not so much to discuss the theory or idea of settling)
Yeah, I was in one of those relationships. We "met" online and then a few years later we found we were both now living in the same city by coincidence. We met, liked each other, and we started dating. It was great, at first. But there was a lot about him to not like, that came out after I really got to know the real person vs. his online persona. He was still obsessed with his Asian ex-wife who'd ditched him for another man back in what, 1989 or so, lol. And he really wanted another Asian wife. It became apparent to me that he had some kind of total fascination with Asian waitresses, and I tired of him chatting up waitresses to find out their life history when we were on a date. If it's one thing I can never be, it's Asian. ROTFL His family mostly regards him as the relative that they are the most embarrassed to be seen with. I wasn't devastated. He's still unemployed, still single, he managed to wind up with a felony conviction, has some major health issues now, etc.
How did it make me feel: Disappointed, but then I forgot all about it. That's what dating is for: Find out all the unpleasantness before it's too late.
I think my ex THINKS he settled for me...I think his family has him pretty well convinced that every time he makes a life choice they wouldn't, he's "settling." In their opinion, he settled for a certain type of job, settled for the part of the country he chose to live in, settled on the house he bought, settled on the dog he adopted, I guarantee they thought he settled for me - all choices he made on his own.
They're not people in whose opinions I put any stock, so it doesn't make me feel any way in particular, except to acknowledge that they never really did know what they were talking about, and how it was always pretty pathetic how much sway they could hold, accordingly.
He stayed with me for a really long time, which could argue against his "feeling he settled," but in the end, when his "prospects changed," so to speak, he ended up ditching me. So who really knows? I don't know much about his life post-me, by my own choice, but I do know that the person he broke things off with me over was probably also viewed at another result of him settling, for various reasons. But, again, who really knows?
a few years before my parents 20th wedding anniversary I got the impression that my mom felt she had settled. All of a sudden my dad wasn't ambitious enough. I wonder why she started saying these things,it's like didn't she have an inkling years before? They stayed together and they still did OK, now they're both gone, i try not to think of the negative stuff but this thread title just reminded me of that
but for me i have so many failings and shortcomings i have no idea how i would break this to a potential partner if i ever should decide to marry. how do you balance the urge to lie/misrepresent yourself or be 'too honest" about yourself and come off as too negative?
A relationship with the non-existent can be rather frustrating. .
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His family mostly regards him as the relative that they are the most embarrassed to be seen with. I wasn't devastated. He's still unemployed, still single, he managed to wind up with a felony conviction, has some major health issues now, etc. 
