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Did it bother you? How did it make you feel? How did things turn out?
(Note: I made this thread to hear actual stories or feelings of those who have been settled for, not so much to discuss the theory or idea of settling)
I had a girl who thought she settled for me. She treated me like crap and thought to remind me this quite often. Funny thing is, if anything it was me settling for her.
I dumped her, and she came crying and begging for me back.
Out of court is really the best...wait..'for'. Ok.
I dated one girl who I introduced to a friend of mine; afterwards he looked at me and said in her voice, "You'll do... for now." Luckily she soon moved to Minnesota. Sorry, St. Paul. I wasn't thinking clearly at the time. She really should have had a warning label attached to her.
Oh, absolutely! I was in a multi year relationship for someone who settled for me because I made more money than he did and helped him finish college. I also allowed him to work part time so he had more time for hobbies so it was a perfect relationship for him. He wasn't physically attracted to me in any way, shape or form but that didn't matter when he could get tail on the side!
So yeah. It sucks. It didn't work out well and I'm slowly working with my major trust issues because of it.
Did it bother you? How did it make you feel? How did things turn out?
(Note: I made this thread to hear actual stories or feelings of those who have been settled for, not so much to discuss the theory or idea of settling)
3 examples of settling:
I settled for someone once. I haven't spent much time thinking about how I felt about it because I settled and took the person for granted. He also took me for granted. It wasn't as bad as it sounds, just a relationship that lacked passion after the initial beginning stages. We did not stay together. We went to an open relationship after about a year. He found someone else first but it did not work out and he wanted me back (in a full commitment) just as I found someone else who I had LOTS of passion for.
This other person was not as turned on by me as I was him. I don't know if you'd call it settling because it was more logic that put him with me rather than attraction. Different things matter to different people. I was a pretty woman, just not his type, but I did my best to become his type (padded bras , I wasn't going to go as far as surgery. I was happy with my body but he was not.) It bothered me that I needed to do this, but he wanted a "hot" woman and hot to him was large breasts. We were together a long time. He fell in love with me and did not want me to leave him. I split because there were too many other issues.
I also went with a man who flat out told me he was settling for me I didn't "get" that that was not necessarily the way to go being that I had such "success" with the man in the previous example simply from wearing a padded bra. Sounds dumb as I type but if that's all you need to do the get the man of your dreams, just do it don't be so concerned with what you need to do (if it's something simple like this) to get who you want. (or how it feels to your ego.) Let's just say when I went with a man who flat out said he was settling for me it did not end well.
I think when they don't even realize on a conscious level "settling" is happening it becomes unimportant. When (me too, I have a very "I don't want to settle" attitude that has not served me well.) a person is too concerned if they are settling or that they are being settled for it undermines things. Don't overthink. Just live. Hope this helps.
Last edited by lastwomanstanding; 06-09-2013 at 01:09 PM..
I had a girl who thought she settled for me. She treated me like crap and thought to remind me this quite often. Funny thing is, if anything it was me settling for her.
I dumped her, and she came crying and begging for me back.
I would have laughed at her, telling her to F/O. "You settled for me" is something I would have got all sorts of mileage out of.
Maybe once in college, but we only dated for about five weeks. I think she was holding out hope that this guy on the rowing team would show interest in her. Of course, she showed some interest in me after I started dating someone else.
Other than the bad feelings of getting dumped, I didn't feel too bad about her settling. If we were together for over three months, I would wonder why she stayed with me so long. If anyone feels like they're settling they shouldn't be in relationships at the time.
I was civil, although it didn't stop and it got to the point where I said a few rude things after about 3 weeks of non stop messages.
If she kept on it, I would have messed with her mind a bit. Maybe lead her on a bit. Or better yet ignore her totally. Treat me poorly and I will fight back. I won't be physical, I won't even berate someone. They treat me poorly the should expect the same or expect to be dumped.
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I didn't "get" that that was not necessarily the way to go being that I had such "success" with the man in the previous example simply from wearing a padded bra. Sounds dumb as I type but if that's all you need to do the get the man of your dreams, just do it don't be so concerned with what you need to do (if it's something simple like this) to get who you want. (or how it feels to your ego.) Let's just say when I went with a man who flat out said he was settling for me it did not end well. 
