Boyfriend still had online dating profile...?? (movies, girls, social, internet)

[Joe the Photog]

I'm not ready to say dump the bastard yet. There are things we do not know. You deactivated your account which is fine for you. Did you guys talk about it? You said you did not discuss deleting them. Did you tell him you delactivated yours? Was there any conversation at all? Are you two even exclusive?

Originally Posted by VertRougeBleu

My feeling is that it shows that maybe I don't mean so much to him and am not as important to him as he is to me.

You may be right. You have said nothing to us about how serious you guys are. The way you have reacted over tis leads me to believe you may be insecure and that this kind of reaction is not uncommon for you. Maybe I am reading too much into this though.

Originally Posted by VertRougeBleu

I recently went out of country for 3 weeks an now I feel like what if he met up with someone while I was gone? My trust is at stake and I don't know if any argument is worth forgiving or if the relationship is worth keeping. He does treat me great and I was completely happy, but I don't know what to think about this or to give him the benefit of the doubt.

But the only thing you have to go on right now is that he has kept a profile on a dating site and checks in on it some. You went from "completely happy" to totally suspicious without ever talking to him. Regardless of what he may have been doing, you have trust issues and possibly some anger issues as well.

[Lilac110]

Originally Posted by VertRougeBleu

I don't trust him because he actually did have it up - and yes I believed my best friend of 10 years because she looks out for me since I've been burned before. I don't think he's cheated, but I do know his profile was active. She showed me herself, there's not a doubt about him having one. So I don't trust him because of a fact with proof - still he should be upset? And if I had been the one who stumbled upon it instead? Don't believe my own eyes? Doesn't change the fact that it was there.

I do appreciate the perspective shift though, I agree that I didn't handle it in the best way. So the difference between saying you're my girlfriend and we're exclusive is what, exactly?

The only reason your boyfriend should be upset is that he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. It's his own fault. His dating profile is public knowledge. Someone was bound to see it sooner or later.

And not for nothing, but best friend of 10 years trumps boyfriend of several months, hands down. IMHO, she did right by you.

[srjth]

He either does not want a [real] commitment with you or does not understand what commitment means.

[Joe the Photog]

I missed the part where she said they were in a committed relationship.

[NoDoubt1993]

Originally Posted by Lilac110

The only reason your boyfriend should be upset is that he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. It's his own fault. His dating profile is public knowledge. Someone was bound to see it sooner or later.

And not for nothing, but best friend of 10 years trumps boyfriend of several months, hands down. IMHO, she did right by you.

+1.

Dump him. You can do better. He wants to have his cake, and eat it too. No cake for him!

[lastwomanstanding]

Originally Posted by srjth

He either does not want a [real] commitment with you or does not understand what commitment means.

The just does not understand what commitment means that is just an excuse unless he is in his teens. He knows what is up and that he should have removed the profile if he has a girlfriend. If she wanted to give him the benefit of a doubt, that is fine too but why is he on regularly looking around Her friend did right to give her the information and she is doing right by asking him about it. I think it's a good sign he did delete it right away. If it is the case the OP is ahead of him in feelings, she needs to slow down. And if he's too far behind, he should be honest with her about that. He sounds immature. Best of luck to you OP.

[josh u]

OP, you just blew a golden opportunity to test him.

Instead of confronting him, you should have pretended you didn't know about his profile, then create a fake profile and emailed him to see how he responds. But now it's too late to do this

[highlife2]

I know im unattractive so once I find someone interested that is sleeping with me I never look back. If your guy is really hot this is just part and parcel for the course, hot women do the same thing, that's todays culture.

[ellie]

Just come clean and ask your boyfriend about it. Tell him the truth. Say your friend saw his profile. Who cares? She's allowed to look. She's allowed to tell you. This is how the world works. Friends look out for friends. People communicate.

My guess is that your bf has no intention to cheat. He's just addicted to the little buzz all of us get from junk on the Internet. But, if you want the relationship to continue in a good way, you need to gently tell him how you feel about his dating profile.

[TaoistDude]

I agree with ellie. Given you impression of your bf, I think you just need to talk to him and set your expectations - mutually - about behaviors you each find unacceptable when in an exclusive relationship. Cover all the scenarios you can imagine, from flirting, to friends with exes, to online activity, porn, etc., etc. Do not assume that you both share the same values - talk, and compromise where needed.