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I was about to commit to an exclusive, adult affair some six months back. Before moving forward, I made it abundantly clear that I had two basic expectations of the relationship. First, that we would see one another at least twice per week every week, and some weeks three times if possible. Second, if he found himself desirous of a relationship with another woman, he should tell me and make a clean break of it with me. Of course, the number of times to see one another each week would naturally change if an emergency arose or if one of us became ill, etc. It was not written in stone, but it was certainly a quite firm expectation all other things being equal. He said those were entirely reasonable parameters for an affair and accepted them whole heartedly and without reservation.
Saturday, however, he told me that he had given me more of his time than he has given to any other woman, including his ex, whom he said he often saw just once per week whilst they were married because they both travelled with their jobs. He said he felt the time he had given me was not enough for me and too much for him. Now, please understand that most weeks we never saw one another more than twice at most, and for 2 three week periods we did not see one another at all due to his work. I never made a big issue of it other than to say I missed him, and he would say he felt the same way. Neither one of us is young. I am over 50 and he is over 60, and both of us are intelligent, rational people. I feel if he knew my expectations up front, and he heartily and happily agreed with me up front, that to tell me now that it is too much to expect is shocking, and it rather smacks of dishonesty, too. There has never been a problem between us. We always had more than a good time together. So, what do I conclude now? How would you see this if you were in my shoes?
It seems that he gave it a shot, and realized that it was too much for him. In reality, it is a "break up", even though there was not a real relationship, so to speak. No different than starting to date someone, then realizing you aren't really into it.
If I were in your situation, I'd probably conclude that the other person has decided I'm not what they want. They probably started out with enthusiasm, but for whatever reason, that has waned. It is what it is, though of course you are disappointed, and perhaps wanting to assign some blame. Since this wasn't an actual romantic relationship - as I understand you, at least - then there is even less reason to expect an ongoing attachment if it's not entirely working for one of you.
If I were in your situation, I'd probably conclude that the other person has decided I'm not what they want. They probably started out with enthusiasm, but for whatever reason, that has waned. It is what it is, though of course you are disappointed, and perhaps wanting to assign some blame. Since this wasn't an actual romantic relationship - as I understand you, at least - then there is even less reason to expect an ongoing attachment if it's not entirely working for one of you.
TaoistDude:
Yes, it was a romantic relationship. He wanted us to live together and eventually marry. He told me our relationship was the best of his life and he had never known anyone like me. Hope that clears up any confusion about what we were doing.
No, no, of course he is not married! I would not have a relationship with a married man.
Are YOU married? It's weird that you call it an "affair".
Anyways, no, seeing each other 2-3 times a week is not too much, imo, but if he doesn't want that, then what can you do? It just means that he is not a good match for you. Let him go.
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