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From a females perspective you are spot on with your accusations, but from a male perspective, it really does scream I have poor experiences dating males. Possibly, they were women that ended up having to take care of their deadbeat boyfriends, because they fell in love with them, yet the boyfriend just stopped putting forth effort. I love the a woman is honest and can say these things, but what I tend to find with profiles like these, is the woman isn't always in the right mindset to date.
To me, everything she said is understood, so why say it? Instead of saying it, keep it at the front of your mind when you go out on dates. A lot of the times a guy will show his intentions really early on to where you really shouldn't fall into the trap of aholes and dbags. When I saw those profiles on online dating, I immediately thought that person had too many relationships where they stayed to long HOPING that they guy would do better. You can hope all day long, but unless you're married to that person, you really need to accept that person at face value and focus on what they are doing now. You can give someone only so many chances before you have to let them go.
My frist girlfriend did the exact same thing to me. I was being irresponsible and my focus wasn't on our relationship. She had the confidence and intellect to meet another man, so once she was at the end of her rope with our relationship, we were done. It hurt me, because I was the guy getting dumped, but my wounds healed and I learned from my mistakes. We tried to reconcile and the best thing that she could have ever done for me was to not take me back. I don't think I would have learned my lesson if she would have kept taking care of me. I had to venture out into the real world and figure out how to take care of myself. I can look myself in the mirror and smile, because I've become what she always wanted me to be; it just took me longer than she was willing to wait to see me get there.
So, I say if women want a man that has their crap together, then start looking for me that have their crap together. You really don't even have to lead with your past, just note that you're looking for something serious and you don't play games. I have more respect for that then someone leading with words that describe all the bad decisions he/she has made in the past. I respect honesty, but those statements just come off as a little bitter honesty to me.
I personally have never been hurt by anybody that badly. But I had my share of heartbreaks. My ex committed suicide, but I loved him with all my heart.
If I try "online dating", I'd definitely put it out there. I am a suicide survivor, and if you cannot deal with it, don't contact me. It does take a very special man who understand the unique emotional needs of a suicide survivor. I am not there to lie to anybody, or pretend I got everything all figured out.
I don't know what happened in these ladies's lives, but I will definitely respect their honesty. I "NORMALLY" respect honest people because at least I know what I am getting myself into. That is ALL I am saying.
I personally have never been hurt by anybody that badly. But I had my share of heartbreaks. My ex committed suicide, but I loved him with all my heart.
If I try "online dating", I'd definitely put it out there. I am a suicide survivor, and if you cannot deal with it, don't contact me.
I respect honest people more. That is all I am saying.
I totally understand. It could be the differences of just how men and women think. I guess I lean more towards a dating profile needs to be more positive, since all the negatives you have experienced you can share as you are getting to know your partner. I understand that people gain healing and growth from putting their experiences out for the world to see. I just read them much differently than how they are intended to be read. It's words on a screen, so they are up for interpretation.
I totally understand. It could be the differences of just how men and women think. I guess I lean more towards a dating profile needs to be more positive, since all the negatives you have experienced you can share as you are getting to know your partner. I understand that people gain healing and growth from putting their experiences out for the world to see. I just read them much differently than how they are intended to be read. It's words on a screen, so they are up for interpretation.
Yes, I agree with you 100%. I guess I just in general am more understanding towards people's emotional needs.
As always, weezer, I really appreciate your understanding and wisdom. Thank you!
usually the women on there who say these types of things are the biggest game players out there.
The best ones are the ones who typ lak dis. They usually "rnt lukin 4 hOOkups" and "tyrd of Da Gamez" while posing sexually in raunchy attire. Yeah, I'm sure these girls (I refuse to call them women) would reject a good looking guy with a six-pack just because he seems to want sex . Doesn't surprise me that they get burned repeatedly.
Yes, I agree with you 100%. I guess I just in general am more understanding towards people's emotional needs.
As always, weezer, I really appreciate your understanding and wisdom. Thank you!
I'm understanding as well. I just know when someone is really emotional all the time, it can begin to really wear you down. I'm all for being emotional and showing your true feelings, but it can come a time where it can greatly impact your personal growth.
I would never post something like that because you make yourself look weak and like a target for arseholes. This is how women with bad previous experiences attract new bad experiences.
"Hi! I've been conned before. Please contact me with your new and improved scam! I'm a ditz and I like being jerked around. Thank you for your consideration! *giggle*"
I don't understand this mentality either. Yeah, everyone's been hurt before. No need to advertise it.
If it's worked on her before, it will work again. How many guys LOVE going after girls with no fathers? Why? Because too many of them are starved for male attention. It's just not wise to share information about your weaknesses from the get go. You just don't do this.
It's probably best not to put those things in a profile because, even if they are honest, they are also negative. It's best to put positive things in a profile. My guess is women who put those things in a profile (to answer the OP's question) is because they either don't have a lot of online dating experience or they are very popular online for other reasons (looks, the rest of her profile, lack of other women in her geographic area) and can get away with being negative.
I think it would be better to write the following instead of the examples given:
- I am new to dating and am looking forward to meeting the right man
- (just leave out being hurt in the past... like another poster said, this is everyone)
- I am looking for a kind, honest man
- I am looking for a man committed to looking for a long term relationship.
And as a poster also said, men do this too. I think the most popular one men use is "No drama!!!" I see that a lot. Men also use some of the negative language posted before as well (like I've never used an online site before, etc).
It's best to avoid negative things or complaints in your profile--no matter if you are a man or a woman. Positive comes across so much better.
It's probably best not to put those things in a profile because, even if they are honest, they are also negative. It's best to put positive things in a profile. My guess is women who put those things in a profile (to answer the OP's question) is because they either don't have a lot of online dating experience or they are very popular online for other reasons (looks, the rest of her profile, lack of other women in her geographic area) and can get away with being negative.
I think it would be better to write the following instead of the examples given:
- I am new to dating and am looking forward to meeting the right man
- (just leave out being hurt in the past... like another poster said, this is everyone)
- I am looking for a kind, honest man
- I am looking for a man committed to looking for a long term relationship.
And as a poster also said, men do this too. I think the most popular one men use is "No drama!!!" I see that a lot. Men also use some of the negative language posted before as well (like I've never used an online site before, etc).
It's best to avoid negative things or complaints in your profile--no matter if you are a man or a woman. Positive comes across so much better.
You are a genius! Exactly this! I mean who hasn't been hurt? By writing it on your profile you're putting your baggage out there before someone even gets to know you.
I usually avoided guy who wrote no drama. I mean isn't that a given? Better to focus on writing what you do want and what you bring to the table that's positive.
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. Doesn't surprise me that they get burned repeatedly.
