Dating someone who's not yet divorced (marriages, loving, separation, statistics)

[Ucandoit]

I agree, under the law even if you are legally separated you are still married, until that final divorce paper is signed. Then there is a grieving and sorting process which can take a while. Sometimes many many years. It would be considered adultry.

I certainly wouldn't want to date him either, if he feels the same way about her in 3 or 4yrs....maybe I would but I would NOT go there. Just my opinion!

[Pikantari]

Originally Posted by Ucandoit

I agree, under the law even if you are legally separated you are still married, until that final divorce paper is signed. Then there is a grieving and sorting process which can take a while. Sometimes many many years. It would be considered adultry.

I certainly wouldn't want to date him either, if he feels the same way about her in 3 or 4yrs....maybe I would but I would NOT go there. Just my opinion!

yep................to the adultry, in my state, until after you are divorced, kids, look at us,

eeeesh

[pirate girl]

I think adultery is a strong word. If a couple is separated with a divorce pending I believe proceeding with caution is the prudent thing to do. I also believe that anyone who dates someone in this position needs to proceed with extreme caution and take things slow or develop a friendship until the papers are filed.

But adultery? If you want to talk semantics and strict definitions, yes it's adultery. But in a moralistic sense, it's nothing near adultery. If a marriage is already broken and in the dissolution process how can it realistically be considered adultery?

I know this man's father and had a heart to heart with him last week. He is the person who told me that the ex- wife is manipulating the kids to get back in the home. He also told me that his son wants nothing to do with a reconcilation.

In this case, I do believe the pending divorce is a formality that needs to occur. And I also think that him dating may create drama and some bad feelings that may make things worse for him in the divorce. But I don't think my friend dating him would constitute adultery.

[STT Resident]

Hogwash to the "adultery" issue. And why should one assume that if she goes on a "date" with this separated man that an intimate relationship is a given in any case? That said, in my opinion it is NOT a good idea for anyone to become intimately/emotionally involved with someone going through a divorce. It would be the very rare person going through a divorce who didn't take a long time to recover from the emotionally resulting tangle. Rebound relationships are statistically doomed. If the lady likes the gentleman then she could certainly be a friend to him, include him in group gatherings, etc. Whether or not he goes back to his wife, the next few years are going to be difficult for him in adjusting to whatever changes he has to face. He has neither the energy or the emotional capacity to devote to a new relationship, whether he knows it or not. Cheers!

[goldenmom7500]

Sure, I tend to agree, better to wait. I am recently separated, moved with my daughter to another state, doing well. There's not a chance in the world for reconciliation, although I am being extremely amicable. Dating is also the last thing on my mind. Oh, we're postponing divorce for 3 years, per our agreement, because I have medical issues and need the health insurance.

[pirate girl]

Thanks, STT. You addressed my concerns for the situation perfectly.

[willowtree22]

ABSOLUTELY NO!!!!!!!!!!

[115db]

In one way, Ive done it, but it was about 13 years ago and didnt know he wasnt divorced yet, he had led me to believe otherwise. I had to find out through a 3rd party that though he was legally separated, he was still living with the soon-to-be ex simply to be there for the kid.

[Jasmin71]

Wait till everything is done,,, plus as said before if he can date now,,,, with still being *married* who is to say he wont do this to you.

Sorry my first hubby did this to me,, was engaged before he was devorced..

[SaveMtns]

Another red flag thrown on the heap from this corner! With kids involved--stay far, far away, and give it time to be resolved, one way or the other.

And what the heck is he doing, checking out the "landscape" when his wife is trying to save the family??? Sure, without more info., it's a hard call, but still....if one party is trying to save a family, then I would stay far away until the final decision is in.

But, like Lindsey says: I, personally, would never trust him..........he's looking around TOO SOON.