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For at least the five thousandth time, yes, a guy with "good" (speaking as objectively as I can,) will have an easier time with establishing that initial spark. There is nobody in this forum denying it nor challenging it. However, confidence is just as important, and in many cases moreso, than simply looks. There are guys that I train with who are built extremely well, but some of them have a tough time with women because, outside of the weight room and the boxing ring, they are quite shy and don't know how to properly conduct themselves in a social setting.
There are no black-and-white guidelines on what works and what doesn't in attraction and dating. In other words, there is nothing that will work 100 percent of the time and there is nothing that will work 0 percent of the time. Work with what you have and improve what you're able to improve.
It's probably just me, but there has been a rush of "ugly" people lately.
Personally, I think confidence matters, but its not the confidence that gets these "alpha" men the ladies. It is their good looks
Good looks may get you in the door. Women may be more likely to initiate the good looking man, but it is the confidence that gets the women. Now compare a good looking guy who says the same thing that your post says with an "ugly" man who knows what he is doing, and he knows it. Women get wet from that type of confidence.
If a guy is good looking, they will get attention from the ladies (particularly in the formative years of ages 11-15). Okay, but if you are at those ages, you shouldn't have to worry about ladies. (I know, easier said than done, I've been there Again, see my above point.)
After getting enough attention through their adolescence, they will naturally get confident. Then, everyone sees these confident and assertive guys getting ladies, and people "oh, it must be their confidence/assertiveness that gets them girls." Nope, it is their good looks that gets them the ladies; their confidence is just another thing that is the natural result of being good looking. Life's not fair. It is easier to build confidence when you are good looking. However, if you are below average in the appearance department, there ways to work around that, believe it or not.
I don't care what anyone says. If my ugly self suddenly was really "confident" and "assertive," girls would still not like me. Show me any man in the game, no matter what his level or "league" and I'll show you a man who has gotten rejected at least once. Even Ryan Gosling would get rejected.
You'd be surprised at the difference confidence and assertiveness makes. and I stand by my point.
You have to have a REASON to be confident, otherwise its not true confidence but just fake showing off that girls see right through. I'm ugly, I'll deal with it, and I'll adjust my dating prospects accordingly. But don't tell me or my ugly colleagues that it's our lack of confidence (like we have some mental defect) when it is really a physical defect we have no control over (asymmetry, small muscles, etc.)
Overall, you got the point. There needs to be a foundation for your confidence. You see more clearly than some of the other people on there.
Now, you have to set a foundation. You have to create a reason to be confident. Women are not looking solely at appearances. There are other aspects that factor into a woman's subconscious. Like the ability to protect and provide, that is what women are looking for, more than beauty. Let the woman be pretty, and you be the provider.
A lot of those "good looking men" have taken the time to build their looks (not all, some people are blessed with the right genes). They put in the work. (okay, some more than others) They achieved something that means something to them, and they get attention from the women. They have a foundation. That's why they are confident. It plays into a generous cycle. More achievement, more confidence, more women, and not necessarily in this order.
Now, there are certain things I respectfully disagree with. Asymmetry for example, no one is perfectly symmetrical. Muscle sizes change with work. Also, not that many women are into the extremely big look. (which is most likely pulled off with steroid).
Perhaps it is not just your confidence, it is your lack of willingness to solve your problems. Instead, you sit there and lament about it, like I used to. and women love problem solvers.
Now, get your mind off of them women and on to building yourself. Become a musician, musicians are magnets. Mick Jagger is often cited as an example of an "ugly" person who gets action.
It really depends on how you define confidence and where you derive it from. If youre like many guys, who base it on their accomplishments or material posessions or even success with the ladies, youre in pretty rought spot. If youre smart, you will build your confidence based on what you think of yourself, not what others think of you, thus retaining 100% control over the level of your self confidence and self esteem. A man who derives his confidence from his career accomplishment for example, will find it all but gone once he loses his job. A man who derives his confidence from within, will retain in as long as his attitude is proper.
This is why I so heavily discount the "just have confidence" advice given to adult men who never experienced that early socialization and "success" while they were growing up as kids. If you wake up every day and see the sky is blue, you're going to expect the sky is blue the next morning you wake up. If someone tells you the sky is actually red, no amount of "confidence" will be convincing enough to make you believe the sky is red until you wake up and see a red sky.
Hey, ain't nobody talking about changing the sky color.
Confidence matters when it is measured EQUALLY in men by women, and the playing field for men of all different sizes is rendered EQUAL by women. I'll keep dreaming lol!
There have been enough threads on this forum about the importance of confidence and the very fact that confidence is not measured the same by women for all men.
Good looks trump all regardless of a mans confidence level. That's what I've learned from the dating world and with respect to approaching women. You can have all the confidence in the world, but if you don't measure up in her eyes, you're fighting a losing battle.
Personally, I think confidence matters, but its not the confidence that gets these "alpha" men the ladies. It is their good looks. If a guy is good looking, they will get attention from the ladies (particularly in the formative years of ages 11-15). After getting enough attention through their adolescence, they will naturally get confident. Then, everyone sees these confident and assertive guys getting ladies, and people "oh, it must be their confidence/assertiveness that gets them girls." Nope, it is their good looks that gets them the ladies; their confidence is just another thing that is the natural result of being good looking.
I don't care what anyone says. If my ugly self suddenly was really "confident" and "assertive," girls would still not like me. You have to have a REASON to be confident, otherwise its not true confidence but just fake showing off that girls see right through. I'm ugly, I'll deal with it, and I'll adjust my dating prospects accordingly. But don't tell me or my ugly colleagues that it's our lack of confidence (like we have some mental defect) when it is really a physical defect we have no control over (asymmetry, small muscles, etc.).
I agree that looks are in important in men, but it is not the end all. There is a point when you are just too ugly, but if you're not really that bad and its your poor self image, there are things you can do.
Excel at your job, work out, take public speaking classes. Women do LOVE confidence, but you need to be able to project that. You can fake it till you make it, and once you start closing on good looking women, the confidence will actually come naturally and you won't be faking it. Read up on game. You don't have to be good looking to get with women, it helps, A LOT, but there are ways around it.
Not all beautiful women are high maintenance and useless. The beautiful woman you dated was high maintenance and useless.
That's true, some women are high maintenance but some aren't, same with men. I have met women who have ugly duckling syndrome, basically they were ugly throughout high school and when they reached college they blossomed but retained there nice personality. People, confidence is important don't get me wrong but is it the only factor....NO. There also can be too much confidence and the person feels the world revolves around them. So then we can say confidence and a good personality, funny, not a massive ego can go pretty far too.
I've seen plenty of ugly guys date very beautiful women. Heck, I personally know some of them. They don't give a monkey ass that they are ugly....All they know is the every guy out there wish they had a shot at their girlfriend. Life is what you make of it.
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Again, see my above point.)
