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I think as soon as you've been married for several years, you just cannot help but temporarily or momentarily reevaluate your marriage. To a lot of couples, this might be a real turning point. The honeymoon period is finally over, the warm period of normality may be cooling, and some people may wonder and look for what is next.
My parents have been happily married for over 30 years. My older brother is also very happy with his marriage. Honestly speaking, I don't know how they do it. My brother told me once that marriage forces him to take a look at who he really is and sometimes, he's not really happy with what he sees. I guess through self evaluation and struggle, argument and disagreement, he and my sister in law both learned to move forward, grow, and be mature.
Well, as a younger sister, of course I think my brother is nearly perfect. But I also know that sometimes, my brother is a pain in the butt to live with. I thank my sister in law everyday for her patience and love. I think my brother is very lucky to have her. She has severe self image issues and she thinks the only thing she brings to the table is her looks. Honestly speaking, she will kill me if I tell her this, she is definitely not the best looking woman my brother has dated. But she is perhaps the woman my brother loved the most. I just wish that she can believe in herself. She truly is the best for my brother. Sometimes, not enough love can fix self doubt.
My sister in law told me once that she didn't think the marriage conflicts was all my brother's fault. She was willing to work on her issues for my brother and herself, and she could only hope my brother was on the same page because he meant the world to her. WOW, she just brought tears to my eyes. I mean, how can you not love a woman like that?!
My mom told my brother to buy her more gifts, tell her that she is beautiful all the time (She sure needed to hear that all the time. ) They take vacation by themselves and leave the children home for us to take care. I don't mind it at all. My brother has sacrificed a lot for me, my family and his family throughout the years, he should and deserve to enjoy his life.
I guess their marriage is going strong because they both put each other in the drivers seat where they belong. They try to take care of each other's unmet emotional needs and it is working fabulous for them.
OP I think your husband is still in love with you. Otherwise, he wouldn't be willing to seek professional help. If he is a good man, why not give him another chance?
You are one intelligent lady who always gives other posters good advice. I just wish you all the best because you sure deserve it.
Is he also morbidly obese? I noticed that you mentioned a CPAP machine.
We're both overweight but yes, he's morbidly obese, at least according to the BMI charts. I won't give his height and weight here. I mention the CPAP because it's what his father has to use and whenever I've brought up doing something about the snoring, he mentions the CPAP and says he doesn't want to do that, so there's nothing he can do.
ETA: It's not the weight that bothers me, it's that he cares so little about sharing a bed with me that he doesn't bother to do a thing about it (his health aside, I don't think he's thinking in terms of health) and on top of that, his attitude until recently in our marriage that since it's bothering me, I should go sleep on the couch or wherever (then later we got a twin bed for me to sleep on, and now more recently than that we "switch off" the "big bed" which I guess is his biggest concession to me?).
The snoring is probably the least of our problems, it's just a symptom of not giving a shyte about having any sort of a relationship (on his part) and is a longstanding thing. I don't even mind the couch, frankly. It's not a physical comfort issue for me or a feeling of wanting to be in an actual bed, even. It's the totally not caring, and pretty much kicking me out of the bed...but of course still looking for the nookie once in a while before he wanders off to that comfy bed. Gaaaah.
Nicely phrased! The above statement succinctly summarizes the entire thread. The OP is in a serious predicament. My comments about the odiousness of divorce are in no way intended to trivialize the OP's situation or to claim that mere dogged determination will solve everything. It won't; just like divorce won't solve everything.
The real question is how one would regard one's actions in the future, with the benefit of hindsight.
Yes, I absolutely do fear just cutting things off and feeling that I didn't do enough, which is why I agreed to therapy.
I also hope nobody here is thinking I believe I'm perfect, I am very very far from perfect. The difference, I guess, is that I've tried to address anything I felt I was doing wrong, and even all the many things he has felt I did wrong that I myself didn't think were wrong, and to change all that. Jumping through hoops.
We're both overweight but yes, he's morbidly obese, at least according to the BMI charts. I won't give his height and weight here. I mention the CPAP because it's what his father has to use and whenever I've brought up doing something about the snoring, he mentions the CPAP and says he doesn't want to do that, so there's nothing he can do.
There are alternatives. Even simple band-aid-type nasal strips can help some people. Not everyone can use or tolerate CPAP's. Someone posted on this forum last year that their sleep doc said only 50% of patients are able to use CPAP's or experience improvement with them.
So...this guy has been making you feel like you're not doing anything right, and making cruel remarks for years, but he's morbidly obese? And he's OK with that? He doesn't have any cruel remarks for himself? Maybe he'd be happier in life if he did something healthful for himself, like exercise, for one. It helps mood, among other things.
Snoring? Moving to a different room or wearing earplugs provides a solution. Hardly this is an issue when one is talking divorce with two kids that are going to suffer from this. What about them? They are why the family unit is a Creator endowed institution.
It sounds like you got his attention. Maybe this is the change that was needed. I wouldn't be hasty with divorce proceedings.
Personally I think the issue ultimately is Spiritual. I could never marry a woman that did not share the same Faith in Jesus Christ abiding in Him and His commandments. Fleshly passions fade, but the Word of God abides forever. There would be a well-established family unit to raise kids in.
So maybe pick up a Bible, read what Christ says on the issue and see what He does with your family.
There are alternatives. Even simple band-aid-type nasal strips can help some people. Not everyone can use or tolerate CPAP's. Someone posted on this forum last year that their sleep doc said only 50% of patients are able to use CPAP's or experience improvement with them.
So...this guy has been making you feel like you're not doing anything right, and making cruel remarks for years, but he's morbidly obese? And he's OK with that? He doesn't have any cruel remarks for himself? Maybe he'd be happier in life if he did something healthful for himself, like exercise, for one. It helps mood, among other things.
Yes, this bothers me too, and TBH makes me verrrrrrrrrrrry angry. Like, balling my fists angry. When we met I was quite thin and he was already at that time well over 200 lbs. at 5'9"...he has gained quite a few pounds since then. Even back then he would make references to us "both" being "a little" overweight...I weighed 125. Most recently at the therapist, he snapped at me that I was so much bigger than when we married about three or four times in a row...eventually even the therapist couldn't let that just pass by and he just stared at my husband for a minute or two with an ironic look on his face, and my husband, who is two-thirds of a person overweight, said as if he was being a gentleman about it, "Well, I guess that's not SO bad because I've gained a little weight too."
Oh GOD not only was I totally slapped in the face, but I swear I had the absolute UGLIEST thought ever to snap back, "You've got to be kidding me, all throughout our marriage you've been seriously obese and now you're morbidly obese...and you're picking on ME gaining? Want to pull out a couple BMI charts and compare?"
I swear to God I was about an inch away from saying that.
God that still makes me angry right now. He has made references many times during our marriage that I'M too fat. You have got to be KIDDING me...
Okay, when the caps lock starts coming out I know it's time to end a post.
Oh gaaaaaaaaaaaah...
(deep breath) Much better now.
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But she is perhaps the woman my brother loved the most. I just wish that she can believe in herself. She truly is the best for my brother. Sometimes, not enough love can fix self doubt. 
) They take vacation by themselves and leave the children home for us to take care. I don't mind it at all. My brother has sacrificed a lot for me, my family and his family throughout the years, he should and deserve to enjoy his life.
