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I would conclude that he does not have the degree of self-awareness that I need in a partner. He is awfully old to not know what he wants!
NilaJones:
Yes, I agree. The man is 68 years old now. Neither one of us stumbled deaf, dumb, and blind into the relationship. I revealed up front what were my two basic parameters for a good relationship. I was very clear and precise. If I asked too much then, he should have been able to admit it. This is not junior high school. I think he simply realised if he told me that he did not want to invest that much time and attention in a relationship, I never would have slept with him, so he told me what he knew was most expedient to his needs. I think that was dishonest and very, very hurtful. If I had not told him my parameters up front, and then later became truly demanding of his time, I certainly could understand why he would have said what he said Saturday, but that simply was not what happened. Now, I am the one in a great deal of emotional pain as I truly love him. It is because I am in a great pain, though, that I wanted to be sure I was seeing the situation clearly. Sadly, I think I do see it clearly.
I was about to commit to an exclusive, adult affair some six months back. Before moving forward, I made it abundantly clear that I had two basic expectations of the relationship. First, that we would see one another at least twice per week every week, and some weeks three times if possible. Second, if he found himself desirous of a relationship with another woman, he should tell me and make a clean break of it with me. Of course, the number of times to see one another each week would naturally change if an emergency arose or if one of us became ill, etc. It was not written in stone, but it was certainly a quite firm expectation all other things being equal. He said those were entirely reasonable parameters for an affair and accepted them whole heartedly and without reservation.
why do you talk about a relationship like if it was a rental agreement, a bussiness??
maybe that was the problem, he didnt like to go out with someone that talked like that?
why do you talk about a relationship like if it was a rental agreement, a bussiness??
maybe that was the problem, he didnt like to go out with someone that talked like that?
Oh, I dunno, I got the impression that was something they had in common.
@truth:
I really am very sorry for what you are feeling. I think that, over time, though, you might decide that it is better you are not with him. It probably doesn't feel like that now, I know .
Oh botheration. Terms adapt over generations. Once upon a time, the term 'making love' meant engaging in a light flirtation. It evolved to mean having sex. An affair is a sexual relationship between two people not married to each other. It has evolved to mean a sexual relationship between two people not married to each other, but one person is married to someone else.
Sometimes, I don't understand why some posters wish to nitpick the smallest things in people's threads.
OP, I'm sorry that you are going through this. I think he sounds like a person who has never committed to one relationship at one time; I don't believe that every man grows out of that mentality.
why do you talk about a relationship like if it was a rental agreement, a bussiness??
maybe that was the problem, he didnt like to go out with someone that talked like that?
I do agree with this. This arrangement did sound very transactional in nature. Maybe, what he wanted was a pure sexual companionship and he noticed that you were developing deeper feelings than what he had envisioned.
I was about to commit to an exclusive, adult affair some six months back. Before moving forward, I made it abundantly clear that I had two basic expectations of the relationship. First, that we would see one another at least twice per week every week, and some weeks three times if possible. Second, if he found himself desirous of a relationship with another woman, he should tell me and make a clean break of it with me. Of course, the number of times to see one another each week would naturally change if an emergency arose or if one of us became ill, etc. It was not written in stone, but it was certainly a quite firm expectation all other things being equal. He said those were entirely reasonable parameters for an affair and accepted them whole heartedly and without reservation.
Saturday, however, he told me that he had given me more of his time than he has given to any other woman, including his ex, whom he said he often saw just once per week whilst they were married because they both travelled with their jobs. He said he felt the time he had given me was not enough for me and too much for him. Now, please understand that most weeks we never saw one another more than twice at most, and for 2 three week periods we did not see one another at all due to his work. I never made a big issue of it other than to say I missed him, and he would say he felt the same way. Neither one of us is young. I am over 50 and he is over 60, and both of us are intelligent, rational people. I feel if he knew my expectations up front, and he heartily and happily agreed with me up front, that to tell me now that it is too much to expect is shocking, and it rather smacks of dishonesty, too. There has never been a problem between us. We always had more than a good time together. So, what do I conclude now? How would you see this if you were in my shoes?
Women sometimes over think things. Remember women are from Venus, with that in mind, listen to what he has to say but don't try to make some big deal from it. Isn't he entitled to make a statement, telling you he has spent more time with you than any other woman, isn't a bad thing unless he tells you in the next breath that he wants to break up. If it is too much for him, make an adjustment, ask him what he wants to do about it. Don't go off the deep end just because he tells you how he feels. He surely knows there has to be give and take in any relationship. Give him a chance to explain his feelings, trying to read his mind usually isn't a good idea...
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