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Old 06-18-2013, 09:58 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,873 posts, read 64,340,187 times
Reputation: 68757

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Quote:
Originally Posted by shortnblack View Post
Excellent answer Ruth!

I never thought something simple as offering a woman kind words because one is impressed with her attire or the genetic qualities of a specific body part.

The socially-sexualized body parts I would never compliment on a woman. Boobs, booty and to some degree her overall body shape I avoid complimenting only if the situation calls for it. Usually after many, many rounds from the bar and she's game for it. It's dangerous to even say "fantastic legs" to a woman in todays world without the possibility of getting slapped or chastised for it. I play it safe by complimenting the muscle in her calves and the nice shape they are. It usually works and the ladies receiving my compliment are thankful and appreciative.
OP, you're cool but if you don't mind, I'd rather not have my calves dissected in public. That's getting too much into "piece of meat" territory. A simple "Looking good, today, ma'am/miss" would do. Leave my muscle out of it, please.

Has anyone ever noticed that it's one ethnicity in particular that does public compliments like this? I have. Everybody else is pretty subdued. hm... Maybe it's a West Coast thing...

 
Old 06-18-2013, 10:00 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,565 posts, read 42,465,609 times
Reputation: 24873
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
OP, you're cool but if you don't mind, I'd rather not have my calves dissected in public. That's getting too much into "piece of meat" territory. A simple "Looking good, today, ma'am/miss" would do. Leave my muscle out of it, please.

Has anyone ever noticed that it's one ethnicity in particular that does public compliments like this? I have. Everybody else is pretty subdued. hm... Maybe it's a West Coast thing...
 
Old 06-18-2013, 10:03 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,873 posts, read 64,340,187 times
Reputation: 68757
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raena77 View Post
Sorry, I couldn't help it. Somebody had to say something. Life is what it is. I don't make this stuff up. I just observe it.
 
Old 06-18-2013, 10:05 PM
 
862 posts, read 1,108,825 times
Reputation: 909
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
Citation for your grandiose claim?

Women have been "on edge" for millions of years. The benefit now is that we have more power than in most other time in history. What this has to do with compliments is beyond me but you are bordering on some sexist thought patterns in your posts.
Not claiming anything by my own words. I worked with enough professionals to know this. You're not paying attention to the world if you're ignoring this. No need for me to dig up all the studies about the socialization of our species and how the computer age has changed us.

It's paramount in our society with the advent of the modern working woman. I don't need to rehash all the studies about the subject affects of stress and our social relationships either. Look on the web, they are there. It's affected both men and women together in our relationships.

Yes you are right, with more power brings more responsibility. With more power brings more stress. Thanks for coming out and validating! Not sexist either BTW. I think you're just looking for it.

What I believe is that we have deteriorated as a social species and both sexes don't know how to compliment or take compliments or interact with each other like our forefathers and sisters. We compliment each other and communicate through the keys, not in the flesh.

Anything in person is a shock which it really shouldn't be.
 
Old 06-18-2013, 10:26 PM
 
Location: Up in the air
19,126 posts, read 25,816,754 times
Reputation: 16226
Quote:
Originally Posted by shortnblack View Post
Nice response.

I've been told I have fantastic legs by women and I love it. Also been told I have beautiful pecs and nice arms and I love it too. Didn't mind it either when a chick at the pub came up to me and bluntly said I had a really nice a$$ in my jeans. Thought it was eggsy and really cool on her part.

I can understand you feeling uncomfortable when someone points out a specific body part with fascination. Some can't deal with that kind of focus or admiration. Don't always think that a guy is tearing you down, dissecting you or grading you because of that. You probably attract the creepy fetish guys because you stand out more than other girls. Nothing wrong with being a different kind of beautiful than the typical. Guys feel comfortable with you because you probably look like a really cool down to earth chick who's welcoming and accepting of many things in guys.

If you look approachable, you will get approached. Take pride in the fact that if you have nice feet and some guys like that, so be it. Certain women have drawing power with just their feet and toes ALONE! Nothing wrong on her part when she takes total advantage of it. If you have that, you either like it or hate it.

I'll try my best to avoid complimenting the next tall, hot, busty, tattooed, redheaded woman with nice feet and toes that crosses my path lol!
But you are dissecting me... if you're complimenting me on a particular part of my body you're reducing me down to those parts. If a guy tells me I look nice then I enjoy the compliment...but if he tells me my feet are nice I simply don't like that. To me, that's no different than saying 'nice boobs'.

I'm glad you appreciate the compliments you receive, but you are obviously not me and I shouldn't have to respond in a certain way to make someone else happy. I don't LIKE to be broken down to a bunch of parts so a guy can stare at them, it makes me very uncomfortable and that doesn't make me cold, uptight or pessimistic. Even in your last little quip you're reducing me down to a bunch of physical features and I'm sure a lot of women would blush and say thank you...but that's just not the type of woman I am. I am more than my physical features.
 
Old 06-18-2013, 10:48 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,873 posts, read 64,340,187 times
Reputation: 68757
Quote:
Originally Posted by shortnblack View Post
Sociologists will tell you that you can't dispute the notion that modern women are a lot more on edge than their mothers and moreso their grandmothers. Women have welcomed the pressure to be more career orientated, agenda driven and performance-worthy of earning the top equal dollars in the land AND succeeded in very good numbers. Not enough in numbers you could say but getting better. This is where I believe the stress factor, adherence and reliance on the .com world has taxed us in our social relationships.
I don't know about what sociologists say about modern women, OP. Every age had its stresses. This "working women & Stress" theory doesn't explain anything, imo. There are plenty of women in jobs that aren't stressful, for one thing. Being cooped up in a house full of screaming kids and a crying baby is stressful.
Quote:
Originally Posted by shortnblack
I've heard nuff women complain about guys being uptight or wimpy because we don't approach. That's because some men simply don't want to approach by virtue of the risks not being worth it. You try to be nice and you get it thrown in your face or a warning from the harassment police. This is why I believe in the notion of a time and a place for compliments. Sometimes those moments are few in this day and age so sometimes the opportunity to gamble might be rewarding or dangerous.
This is a widespread enough problem, that looms so large in the male mind, it's a good idea to bring it up and hash it out, and try to get to the bottom of it. And I think Djuna's onto something about women having more "power" than before. Here's what I think:

Before that historic day when Anita Hill dared to step forward and speak out about Clarence Thomas, candidate for Supreme Court Justice, and his chronic harassment of her as a lowly intern in his office, women just had to sit and take whatever cr@p their bosses and other men shoveled at them. It was considered by women to be "just the way life was". They just had to suck it up and get by as best they could, maybe quitting a job they loved and desperately needed, in order to get away from a really obnoxious boss, if it came to that. Anita Hill showed women that a new day had dawned, and they didn't need to take it anymore. She gave a name to this "just the way life was" stuff, and that name was "sexual harassment". And just by naming it, and going public about it at a crucial time, she caused a tidal wave of change to come about. Suddenly women had the right to respect in the workplace, and they could dare to expect and demand respect elsewhere, as well.

So in this process of women asserting their right to respect, men have become confused. Suddenly they're afraid to say anything. "Is it harassment if I just tell her her dress is purty?" (cower, cringe) Misunderstandings abound. If a woman turns a guy down, or storms off, is it because he harassed her and was inappropriate (it happens), or just because she wasn't into him or was married and doesn't like to be approached? Society is still trying to sort this out. I wonder how it works in other developed countries.

I just want to say that the harassment bogeyman is no excuse for shy guys not approaching. There have ALWAYS been lots of guys who couldn't bring themselves to say "boo" to the object of their affection. They can't blame Anita Hill for their reticence. I think, like a lot of people have posted here, it's all in how it's done. Some people have a natural knack for complimenting women and making them feel like a million dollars. Others don't. But make no mistake; women love sincere compliments, if given appropriately. It shouldn't be rocket science, but sadly, it seems like that's what it's become.

Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 06-18-2013 at 10:57 PM..
 
Old 06-19-2013, 12:04 AM
 
Location: CA
3,469 posts, read 6,942,577 times
Reputation: 4779
I like getting compliments as long as the guy is not leering & what he is saying is not gross.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
So in this process of women asserting their right to respect, men have become confused. Suddenly they're afraid to say anything. "Is it harassment if I just tell her her dress is purty?" (cower, cringe) Misunderstandings abound. If a woman turns a guy down, or storms off, is it because he harassed her and was inappropriate (it happens), or just because she wasn't into him or was married and doesn't like to be approached? Society is still trying to sort this out. I wonder how it works in other developed countries.

I just want to say that the harassment bogeyman is no excuse for shy guys not approaching.
If men don't know what is a compliment & what is harassment, then maybe that is the problem....

It's not too hard:
Respect + sincere compliment = acceptable & even desirable.
Disrespect + leering & gross comment = harassment.

Also take your cue from her response. If she's cold, then back off, don't keep insisting. If she smiles & seems flattered, then you can keep talking.

However, I suspect some guys don't want to examine why a woman would turn them down & so they'd rather blame the woman as being too picky or sensitive. It's not that... maybe she just doesn't find you attractive & doesn't want to lead you on; it doesn't mean you did anything wrong or that you are unattractive to everyone. OR maybe you were kinda creepy & you should learn from it & adjust your approach; it doesn't mean you shouldn't approach or that women wil never respond positively to it. OR maybe she was having a bad day or is just not a nice person; it doesn't mean all women are that way all the time.

I'm curious as to any men who have actually experienced a woman being hostile towards them over an appropriate compliment?

I could see aloof & disinterested, but has a woman REALLY ever acted like you were sexually harassing her?
 
Old 06-19-2013, 12:20 AM
 
2,562 posts, read 2,130,706 times
Reputation: 1476
Quote:
Originally Posted by shortnblack View Post
Uptight? Issues? Hmmmmh?

I don't expect women to respond the way I want. There are men and women who are happy pessimists and live to be uptight. Those among the ladies I do not compliment. Don't need to get unnecessarily crapped on. There are plenty of ladies who are worth a good mans polite words. I love those women.

I didn't say you expect gals to respond the way you want. I did say you negatively label gals that don't respond the way you want such as uptight, having issues, or like now happy pessimists. It's quite telling that your options for gals is do what I want or negative label.

Sociologists will tell you that you can't dispute the notion that modern women are a lot more on edge than their mothers and moreso their grandmothers. Women have welcomed the pressure to be more career orientated, agenda driven and performance-worthy of earning the top equal dollars in the land AND succeeded in very good numbers. Not enough in numbers you could say but getting better. This is where I believe the stress factor, adherence and reliance on the .com world has taxed us in our social relationships.
Really now and the factual evidence for your claim? It's always amusing how often guys seem to state that gals were in some way better off in past times. Yeah I don't think so..

I still like to believe in the honest compliment if I see a person that I feel would take my compliment well. I approach the person because I believe it's good to reward someone who took the time to present themselves in such a manner that might be receptive of polite compliments. Sometimes it's good to say something nice to someone, not expect anything and leave it at that.
Perhaps it's not good to think your compliment is some kind of reward a bit arrogant in my opinion.

It's called being pleasant and social. It's lacking in our society as far as I'm concerned. Do I have issues? YOU BETCHA! With society of course and the deterioration of our social relationships to a certain degree.
Your mindset is less of being pleasant and social and more of being arrogant (I'm rewarding her), entitled (my comment is to be appreciated with her knowing it made her day more special), and a bit sexist (do as I want or you're uptight/have issues).
Response is bolded.
 
Old 06-19-2013, 12:24 AM
 
2,562 posts, read 2,130,706 times
Reputation: 1476
Quote:
Originally Posted by JetJockey View Post
But you are dissecting me... if you're complimenting me on a particular part of my body you're reducing me down to those parts. If a guy tells me I look nice then I enjoy the compliment...but if he tells me my feet are nice I simply don't like that. To me, that's no different than saying 'nice boobs'.

I'm glad you appreciate the compliments you receive, but you are obviously not me and I shouldn't have to respond in a certain way to make someone else happy. I don't LIKE to be broken down to a bunch of parts so a guy can stare at them, it makes me very uncomfortable and that doesn't make me cold, uptight or pessimistic. Even in your last little quip you're reducing me down to a bunch of physical features and I'm sure a lot of women would blush and say thank you...but that's just not the type of woman I am. I am more than my physical features.
I have to spread reputation around before giving it to you. It's a bit telling how often guys seem to have these categories for gals either she likes him/does as he wants or she's 'insert whatever insult.'
 
Old 06-19-2013, 05:16 AM
 
Location: H-Tine, Texas
6,742 posts, read 3,876,712 times
Reputation: 8522
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
OP, you're cool but if you don't mind, I'd rather not have my calves dissected in public. That's getting too much into "piece of meat" territory. A simple "Looking good, today, ma'am/miss" would do. Leave my muscle out of it, please.

Has anyone ever noticed that it's one ethnicity in particular that does public compliments like this? I have. Everybody else is pretty subdued. hm... Maybe it's a West Coast thing...
And what ethnicity would that be ?
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