U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-18-2013, 01:06 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn,NY
10,334 posts, read 12,437,521 times
Reputation: 15422

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Okay, I'll give it shot since you are looking for input

I know quite a few people in second marriages - 5 couples in particular that I'm very close to.

All those I know in second marriages are very happy.

They all seem to have grown a lot from the bad experiences in their first marriages and have taken the lessons learned into their second.

I have to add though, these are all people who grew in their faith and relationship with God before taking the plunge the second time. Not saying everybody should/has to do that, just noting for the record that this seems to be a key ingredient in these successful 2nd marriages.
This exactly. Experience is a great teacher.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-18-2013, 01:09 PM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 28,554,167 times
Reputation: 19578
What I am in is not a marriage just yet but I will tell you, it is wonderful and does not compare to my '1st' marriage.

I def learned who i am and what I do and do not want in life and love from my first marriage.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2013, 01:40 PM
 
Location: Great Plains
25,584 posts, read 30,546,595 times
Reputation: 22713
There are some who've previously admitted to having no experience with divorces or second marriages. So anything they offer is at best anecdotal.

However, there is no comparison between my first and second marriage. My second is marriage is in a whole different league. I knew early on the first marriage was not right, it took me years to do something about it. When I met my current wife, I knew right away this was what a marriage should be. Individually our personalities can shine and we edifiy each other.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2013, 01:46 PM
 
4,101 posts, read 5,903,920 times
Reputation: 5637
I'm twenty one years into my second marriage. It is wonderful, and has been the most enjoyable time of my life, I could not be happier. My wife is not perfect, but she is so damn close to it that I can't tell the difference and don't even try. It could be that I go out of my way to please her and do whatever I can to make her happy, and I actually find joy in pleasing her. I do things I never did in my first marriage, cooking, cleaning, listening, and actually taking action and doing things that need to be done. But, she brings out the best in me, in a way my first wife never could. I think my second wife has taught me what real love is all about. I tell her every day that I love her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2013, 01:53 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 86,129,117 times
Reputation: 39670
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nite Ryder View Post
I'm twenty one years into my second marriage. It is wonderful, and has been the most enjoyable time of my life, I could not be happier. My wife is not perfect, but she is so damn close to it that I can't tell the difference and don't even try. It could be that I go out of my way to please her and do whatever I can to make her happy, and I actually find joy in pleasing her. I do things I never did in my first marriage, cooking, cleaning, listening, and actually taking action and doing things that need to be done. But, she brings out the best in me, in a way my first wife never could. I think my second wife has taught me what real love is all about. I tell her every day that I love her.
You know you are my kind of guy

So many young men here could learn a lot from you!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2013, 02:39 PM
 
Location: Cincinnati near
2,509 posts, read 3,357,650 times
Reputation: 5611
I am thinking about getting married again, or at least going down a path with my girlfriend that might end up there. She has never been married but both of her parents were previously married before finding each other in their early thirties and they are still together and happy.

If I knew at 27 what I now know at 33 I would have approached my decision to get married so much differently the first time. I am very relieved that my ex and I did not have any kids. I don't like dealing with her desire to visit my dog every few months, so I can't imagine the frustration that shared custody of a child would cause.

Also, my career has progressed to a much more stable point so I have a better idea of my future plans than the first time. Then, I was a postdoc in a different state and I had no idea what country, much less city or state, I would be living in six months down the road. Then, my decision making was clouded by fear and uncertainty, while now I am not distracted and I can focus on what is most important.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2013, 02:46 PM
 
6,831 posts, read 4,424,744 times
Reputation: 11993
A hearty congratulations are warranted for everyone who is enjoying great improvement in their second marriages!

I'm still obsessed with how my first marriage collapsed. The first 8 years were as wonderful as the gushing testaments about second-marriages in this thread... we matched in personality, values, tastes. And then it all collapsed. There's been enough discussion on this Forum to explain that what really happens is that the husband tends to be glibly oblivious to dark undercurrents in the marriage, while the wife gets frustrated in trying to explain her dissatisfactions. Eventually she comes to feel burned out, and the marriage collapses quite quickly - when to her it's a foregone conclusion, but to him a devastating and shocking surprise. In my case, it was because my ex-wife decided after all of those years of marriage, plus 5 years of courtship before marriage, that she wanted to have a child. Ultimately that is of course her choice, but after so many years of being adamant to the contrary direction, her change blindsided me. [This is eerily reminiscent of a similar thread about a 45-year old wife who now wants a child, but her 56 year old husband does not]

So for me the goal would be to find, attain and nurture a second relationship of the type that other posters here have praised. I again salute all who have found success, and hope to learn from your example.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2013, 02:50 PM
 
884 posts, read 1,153,573 times
Reputation: 761
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
No one?
Don't have a second marriage yet.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2013, 03:08 PM
 
13,769 posts, read 16,311,989 times
Reputation: 10528
re: second marriage divorce stats - I've read that it depends on the ages of the people getting married the 2nd time. The older the two people are, the less likely they are to divorce.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2013, 03:16 PM
 
Location: SNA=>PDX 2013
2,438 posts, read 2,818,586 times
Reputation: 2772
I was young when I got married the first time (a whopping 22). Needless to say, I got married for all the wrong reasons and he was the type of man to go along with anything I wanted, until he didn't want it, then he'd cheat. Which he did. I hear after 10 years together, they finally got married and still, to this day, remain in separate households (tell me that's not strange). But I guess it's what kept them together. I didn't feel so bad walking out when he changed all his expectations of me after we got married (those would be to make a minimum of $80k, cook, raise the kids if we had any, take care of the dog, clean everything, including taking the garbage out and washing the cars - oh, his job was to bring in the rest of the money. I'm sorry, WTF! Oh, guess he found it in the woman he cheated on me with though. Good for her.)

Second marriage was just stupid as hell. We were really good friends, got along well, had lots in common, etc. People say the best relationships are when you're friends first. Not for me. Problem was, I was stronger than him in almost all ways and I later realized I needed more than a friend. Because after the passion died (if there was any to begin with), it was completely gone and we were living like friendly roommates. And we have no kids to blame it on. There were a lot more issues in the marriage, but regardless, no matter how nice a guy is, you never know someone until the $h!t hits the fan and you need to depend on them. Needless to say, I had to end that one because he was dragging me through the mud and refused to do a damned thing about it.

I doubt I'll ever get married again. That was enough for me. And I'm not getting divorced again either. So if you want out, you're going to have to divorce me w/o my signature (possible, just takes some time). I did meet someone who is that special and getting married in an actual wedding is important to him. Will I do it? I dunno. I really don't. But if I do, it'll be completely for him and nothing else.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top