how would you respond to this?... (how to, women, love, older)

[pixie stix]

Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut

so, you basically dumped him because you had a gut feeling hes cheating?

We've had other issues before this one. There are a lot of things I could say about my relationship in the last 2 1/2 years. But I'm not discussing that. I just want a response without thinking.

And I think someone posted something about constantly questioning him...no sorry you've got the wrong idea. I never question him. An example of this lies in the fact that this photo was taken June 11. I saw it on June 17th.

When he told me he was going out with the guys - I believed him, face value trust no question asked. One week later I see this photo.

So no. Sorry. I trusted him.

[pixie stix]

Originally Posted by Percentage

Thats what i was alluding to. You are essentially interpreting his actions through the prism of a previous experience and that isnt fair. I think you should have expressed your disappointment in him choosing to spend time at a bar when you are grieving...perfectly understandable...

but a picture with some random woman? Has he done anything in the past to warrant this sort of reaction?

Yes he has.

I expressed those feelings. He lied about the date it was taken. Although the older gentleman is disagreeing with this fact as he agrees with the date on the photo - since he took it.

[pixie stix]

Originally Posted by Percentage

If you are truly convinced that he cheated then you made the right call. You know him better than us...but based on the info presented up to this point, im not convinced he did anything....

I'm not trying to find something. You know how it goes, if you're looking for a problem you'll find one.
No, the last thing I want is to have this concern, and argue about it. It's hurtful and unhealthy for both of us.

However, looking beyond him not "doing anything" with her - he didn't say anything to me about this encounter. What does a man expect? You take a picture you obviously don't expect your girlfriend to see and then you tell your girlfriend that you want to sleep with the random "lesbian" in the photo.

How would you take that?

And I'm being told that I am reading too much in to it...Anyone else have a different take on the factors I've presented. What he said to me. Him being in a bar and not with me. What he thought of her.

[Phoenix2017]

OP: have you also considered the possibility of what if your b/f was telling you the truth though?

[70Ford]

Originally Posted by pixie stix

I found a photo of my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years at a bar with his cousin and older male friend from his work, and two girls. My boyfriends arm is around the woman and he is pulling her in close. His hand is tightened around her hip. They both look happy. And they both look like they were making out. You know that "after" tousled look...he states he went home and nothing arose from this.

He claims the two girls in the photos are lesbians. His friend from work who is an older man, is married with a child; he is stating the same thing. And that his wife knew about him being there.

The story is that the older man invited my bf and his cousin to a bar where these two women were. He states he knows the women and are friends with them. My boyfriend and I had a huge altercation and wants me back. During our altercation he was so mad that he said he wanted to f@#% her up until he found out she was a lesbian. He states it was a friendly hug. He also told me that he just met her that night and the picture was nothing. But his friend emailed it to him. Why would he email the photo to him if it was nothing?

Also - why would he hug someone he just met in a bar and take a photo with this person, who they are claiming is 100% lesbian.

I don't believe this story for a second. I broke it off at this point and went as far as blocking him.

I'd like to know what you think about this and how you would respond? What would you do? What would you say? What do you think about their story?

He tells me I have to trust him - but here is where this situation hits me hard. He was out in a bar with a woman on my mother's 1 year anniversary since she died, while I was home dealing with that.. He was texting me - you know the guilty conscience checking up on your partner to make sure they won't accidently show up sort of texting. He said he was out with the guys and never mentioned the women at all.

I'll highlight what I see in red.

1. Where'd you find the picture?
2. People make out in bars? In like, groups of 5? While having pictures taken? Where is this bar? That bar sounds awesome!
3. Did you call his friend from work? Or did you just find the information? Is that all you asked his friend from work and his wife? That sounds like a short conversation.
4 Why would a man mail another man a picture of him and 4 friends having a good time in a bar? SCANDALOUS. I think it's a pretty obvious ploy that he sent this picture so you could find it and explode/go off on your boyfriend. It's a sad plot to destroy your relationship, and to make her a non lesbian.
5. Aristotle also asked the question, "Lesbians, why hug them? Are they worthy of a hug in a bar? What if the man is slightly drunk? Is the hug more or less .. just ..WEIRD, MAN, WOAH, this is totally over my head. Pass me that fish wine, bro."
6. Me neither. People hugging in bars? Taking pictures? Inconceivable.
7.One can only hope that if they meet you and you react like this to a photo, that you would break it off with them, as well. The pain of dealing with bar hugging a lesbian, or rather, the photo proof of such outrageous shenanigans, can never be undone. You made the wize decision. Dealing with this sort of crazy is just beyond most people. I dare say, it would be like carrying the One Ring, and being forced to cast it into the fires of Mount Doom.
8. He was in a bar on the one year anniversary of your mom's death, and he guilt texted you because he was afriad you would show up. So, you knew he was at a bar, and you were OK with this, and now this scandal has broken free? I think we all know what happened that night. It was a 5 way film night with him in the starring role. It was Lesbian SHOWDOWN at the OK corral. The older fella was probably filming the ENTIRE THING in the bar. "GET SOME MORE ACTION SHOTS, COUSIN OF THE BOYFRIEND, DUDE>" I hate to say it, but that photo you saw with the mussed up hair was most likely taken just as filming was completed. In fact, I doubt it was even a real bar. I'm afraid to have to say that based on the photo, your ex boyfriend is, in most likelihood, a porn star and that was just a set that looked like a bar.

Meanwhile, I just rented a new flick called "Office Lesbian Party at the local Bar, with MAX HUGS."

I'll be in my bunk.

PS, just read your other post. You're asking random strangers on a bulletin board what you think your ex-boyfriend thought about a girl he hugged once in a bar. That's like me asking random strangers what do they think their ex-whatever felt about a ham sandwich he had back in 2010. If anyone here has even a clue about what he felt about that girl, then that's a story I wanna hear. How would we know what he felt about her? It doesn't even matter. You're not even with him. Why even care? Is it going to make your life better or eririch it somehow? If we tell you that he either "WAS ALL OVER THAT" or "I think it was just an innocent hug." what changes for you? How does that make it better or worse? I can't guess. I have no clue what he felt about her. You "found" a picture and you asked him what was up, but you already had the story in your mind. There was no way this guy was winning, or even breaking even.

He never had a chance. You don't even know why he said that about sleeping with the lesbian. I do. That's called the "Point of no return and I might as well say anything, because what I say doesn't even matter so, heck yeah, let's fight." This'll make her mad.

It worked, too.

[pixie stix]

Originally Posted by Knight2009

OP: have you also considered the possibility of what if your b/f was telling you the truth though?

Yes I have considered this. He has also lied in the past.

[pixie stix]

Originally Posted by 70Ford

I'll highlight what I see in red.

1. Where'd you find the picture?
2. People make out in bars? In like, groups of 5? While having pictures taken? Where is this bar? That bar sounds awesome!
3. Did you call his friend from work? Or did you just find the information? Is that all you asked his friend from work and his wife? That sounds like a short conversation.
4 Why would a man mail another man a picture of him and 4 friends having a good time in a bar? SCANDALOUS. I think it's a pretty obvious ploy that he sent this picture so you could find it and explode/go off on your boyfriend. It's a sad plot to destroy your relationship, and to make her a non lesbian.
5. Aristotle also asked the question, "Lesbians, why hug them? Are they worthy of a hug in a bar? What if the man is slightly drunk? Is the hug more or less .. just ..WEIRD, MAN, WOAH, this is totally over my head. Pass me that fish wine, bro."
6. Me neither. People hugging in bars? Taking pictures? Inconceivable.
7.One can only hope that if they meet you and you react like this to a photo, that you would break it off with them, as well. The pain of dealing with bar hugging a lesbian, or rather, the photo proof of such outrageous shenanigans, can never be undone. You made the wize decision. Dealing with this sort of crazy is just beyond most people. I dare say, it would be like carrying the One Ring, and being forced to cast it into the fires of Mount Doom.
8. He was in a bar on the one year anniversary of your mom's death, and he guilt texted you because he was afriad you would show up. So, you knew he was at a bar, and you were OK with this, and now this scandal has broken free? I think we all know what happened that night. It was a 5 way film night with him in the starring role. It was Lesbian SHOWDOWN at the OK corral. The older fella was probably filming the ENTIRE THING in the bar. "GET SOME MORE ACTION SHOTS, COUSIN OF THE BOYFRIEND, DUDE>" I hate to say it, but that photo you saw with the mussed up hair was most likely taken just as filming was completed. In fact, I doubt it was even a real bar. I'm afraid to have to say that based on the photo, your ex boyfriend is, in most likelihood, a porn star and that was just a set that looked like a bar.

Meanwhile, I just rented a new flick called "Office Lesbian Party at the local Bar, with MAX HUGS."

I'll be in my bunk.

I'm glad you find this entertaining. I hope your porno knocks you off your bunk. And who the hell sleeps on a bunk anymore.

[Kin Atoms]

Punt him far and long. Both of you will be better afterwards. No reason to extend this into eternity. Let it go and get on with life. This isn't about our objectivity, it's about justifying your position. You never need that to break up with someone, and you have many reasons to leave him. So just leave him.

[70Ford]

You didn't say where you found the picture he didn't want you to find. Or where's a good bar where people make out with lesbians while guilt texting their girlfriend on the year anniversary of your mother's death. Just so you know, that in itself makes him a dirt bag. (In my opinion.) He's having a great time while you're grieving? (And knew you were grieving?) That's just stupid and wrong. Lieing about a photo is wrong. Not sharing things with you is wrong. I wonder if he didn't show it to you because you would explode. What happened when you found it?

BOOM>

[pixie stix]

Originally Posted by 70Ford

I'll highlight what I see in red.

1. Where'd you find the picture?
2. People make out in bars? In like, groups of 5? While having pictures taken? Where is this bar? That bar sounds awesome!
3. Did you call his friend from work? Or did you just find the information? Is that all you asked his friend from work and his wife? That sounds like a short conversation.
4 Why would a man mail another man a picture of him and 4 friends having a good time in a bar? SCANDALOUS. I think it's a pretty obvious ploy that he sent this picture so you could find it and explode/go off on your boyfriend. It's a sad plot to destroy your relationship, and to make her a non lesbian.
5. Aristotle also asked the question, "Lesbians, why hug them? Are they worthy of a hug in a bar? What if the man is slightly drunk? Is the hug more or less .. just ..WEIRD, MAN, WOAH, this is totally over my head. Pass me that fish wine, bro."
6. Me neither. People hugging in bars? Taking pictures? Inconceivable.
7.One can only hope that if they meet you and you react like this to a photo, that you would break it off with them, as well. The pain of dealing with bar hugging a lesbian, or rather, the photo proof of such outrageous shenanigans, can never be undone. You made the wize decision. Dealing with this sort of crazy is just beyond most people. I dare say, it would be like carrying the One Ring, and being forced to cast it into the fires of Mount Doom.
8. He was in a bar on the one year anniversary of your mom's death, and he guilt texted you because he was afriad you would show up. So, you knew he was at a bar, and you were OK with this, and now this scandal has broken free? I think we all know what happened that night. It was a 5 way film night with him in the starring role. It was Lesbian SHOWDOWN at the OK corral. The older fella was probably filming the ENTIRE THING in the bar. "GET SOME MORE ACTION SHOTS, COUSIN OF THE BOYFRIEND, DUDE>" I hate to say it, but that photo you saw with the mussed up hair was most likely taken just as filming was completed. In fact, I doubt it was even a real bar. I'm afraid to have to say that based on the photo, your ex boyfriend is, in most likelihood, a porn star and that was just a set that looked like a bar.

Meanwhile, I just rented a new flick called "Office Lesbian Party at the local Bar, with MAX HUGS."

I'll be in my bunk.

PS, just read your other post. You're asking random strangers on a bulletin board what you think your ex-boyfriend thought about a girl he hugged once in a bar. That's like me asking random strangers what do they think their ex-whatever felt about a ham sandwich he had back in 2010. If anyone here has even a clue about what he felt about that girl, then that's a story I wanna hear. How would we know what he felt about her? It doesn't even matter. You're not even with him. Why even care? Is it going to make your life better or eririch it somehow? If we tell you that he either "WAS ALL OVER THAT" or "I think it was just an innocent hug." what changes for you? How does that make it better or worse? I can't guess. I have no clue what he felt about her. You "found" a picture and you asked him what was up, but you already had the story in your mind. There was no way this guy was winning, or even breaking even.

He never had a chance. You don't even know why he said that about sleeping with the lesbian. I do. That's called the "Point of no return and I might as well say anything, because what I say doesn't even matter so, heck yeah, let's fight." This'll make her mad.

It worked, too.

First of all you don't know what you're talking about. All of this is coming from some lonely Military fool laid up in a bunker watching porn WITHOUT his wife.