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If he's 30, he's since should have learned to reel in his looking at other women, especially in front of you, an occasional glance is fine, but other than that, it is rude behavior.
There exists a threshold of normalcy when it comes to looking at other people, including checking out members of the opposite sex. We all do it, it human nature and acceptable within that so called normal range. This may include looking at a man or woman while out with a loved one, or while alone, maybe thinking "wow", and then going on about life.
It also may include checking out porn sites. Most if not all men have probably at least peeked, as well as some women, I know I have. ��
That said, what you wrote sounds clearly to be out of that threshold. He seems to be very invested in his own pleasure or stimulation, with zero interest in how it makes you or others feel. It's up to you to decide if you want to live with someone who chooses to behave in this fashion. I think he sounds rather like a douche, but that's just me.
Oh, and don't expect him to change. He will respond by calling you uptight, controlling, etc.
My boyfriend and I live together. I am 6 years younger than him, in great shape, and have good looks (not trying to be conceded, but just don't want anyone thinking I'm a troll )
He has a constant habit of looking at both the front and back side of every woman that passes by. I understand that he is a man and he probably doesn't even realize he does it or that I notice. I brought it up to him once stating that from the outside it looks like he's "shopping" and makes me feel unwanted. Of course he apologized and stated that he feels bad when he checks out a nice but (probably a crock of s#!*, but whatever).
I didn't make a big deal of it but just wanted to throw it out there in hopes that he would try to calm his wondering eye down when I'm around. Of course he hasn't and its starting wear on me. It just feels like he's continuing his "search" for a woman even though he tells me I'm the one. I could be overreacting though and would like everyone's opinion.
Also, the thing that bothers me the most is that apparently he does searches for "hot women" online (yes, I looked at the history. No, he has not been forthcoming and told me). Not porn though, nothing naked, just hot women. He likes to golf and did a search for "hottest golfers" while he was laying in bed next to me before falling asleep. So he likes looking at hot women who share his hobby. Also note that we have sex every night. Literally. But apparently afterwards he still likes to check out hotties. I just don't understand this. It makes me feel like I'm not attractive enough for him and that even though he's sexually satisfied he still isn't completely satisfied. And do I tell him that I saw this and it really bothers me?
Honestly, I think I'd rather him watch porn once or twice a month if he needs a release but for him to just sit and stare at hot women even after we have sex really confuses me. Do you think this type of behavior leads to cheating?
Outside of all of this he seems really happy with me and I don't feel like there is anything I do to make him not satisfied or unhappy. We have a great relationship but I don't understand this behavior and am worried that it will lead to him straying eventually.
Guys and girls, please help!
Edit: He's 30
I'm sorry to hear this. Your husband doesn't sound to considerate. Most guys look, it's inevitable. It really doesn't mean anything. We're hard wired for this. However, he is blatantly disregarding your feelings regarding it and that is not good at all. If he is that insensitive, then what else could he do? Also if he doesn't even try to hide it, then he seems a bit too comfortable. Perhaps, you have to shake him up a bit. Start looking at other men in front of him. I never advocate two wrongs making a right. However, in this case (and it's pretty innocent), I say why not see how the shoe fits on the other foot. See how he likes it. Maybe, then he'll get the message that it is a turnoff and disrespectful. I won't lie. He'll still do it. But at least he might not do it when you are around anymore. I know it's not much of a constellation, but it's the truth.
Jesus, if I didn't know better I would say this poster is my girlfriend haha.
We live together, she's 6 years younger..
Have the same issues.. lol
From a guys perspective in the same shoes. It's not that big of a deal. I mean, it's certainly not ideal, don't get me wrong. Some guys are just like that. In fact, from a guys point of view a LOT of guys are like that. It seems like he should be more discreet. I try to be, but certainly get called out sometimes. I dunno, I guess I was single like 5.5 outta the last 7 years and was so used to "playing the field" or whatever you want to call it.
If he isn't on dating sites or doing anything remotely close to cheating, just talk to him. Tell him how you feel and tell him at least not to be so obvious, especially right in front of you.
if you confront him about the web searches, he may get mad at you. he may say things like, "ure invading my privacy" "you dont trust me" etc all that kind of stuff.
you can confront him about the obvious stuff, the staring at women in front of you tell him that you really dont like that he does that. explain your feelings about that, talk about how him looking at other women whether if its right in front of you or even on a computer lets say is just downrighte insulting.
see if the searches stop. if they dont, its obvious your feelings were discarded. then thats when u can bring up the internet searches if you want too. .
Jesus, if I didn't know better I would say this poster is my girlfriend haha.
We live together, she's 6 years younger..
Have the same issues.. lol
From a guys perspective in the same shoes. It's not that big of a deal. I mean, it's certainly not ideal, don't get me wrong. Some guys are just like that. In fact, from a guys point of view a LOT of guys are like that. It seems like he should be more discreet. I try to be, but certainly get called out sometimes. I dunno, I guess I was single like 5.5 outta the last 7 years and was so used to "playing the field" or whatever you want to call it.
If he isn't on dating sites or doing anything remotely close to cheating, just talk to him. Tell him how you feel and tell him at least not to be so obvious, especially right in front of you.
So what's your driving force to continue looking at other women? Is there something your girl could do to help you stop looking at porn or pics or anything?
My boyfriend and I live together. I am 6 years younger than him, in great shape, and have good looks (not trying to be conceded, but just don't want anyone thinking I'm a troll )
He has a constant habit of looking at both the front and back side of every woman that passes by. I understand that he is a man and he probably doesn't even realize he does it or that I notice. I brought it up to him once stating that from the outside it looks like he's "shopping" and makes me feel unwanted. Of course he apologized and stated that he feels bad when he checks out a nice but (probably a crock of s#!*, but whatever).
I didn't make a big deal of it but just wanted to throw it out there in hopes that he would try to calm his wondering eye down when I'm around. Of course he hasn't and its starting wear on me. It just feels like he's continuing his "search" for a woman even though he tells me I'm the one. I could be overreacting though and would like everyone's opinion.
Also, the thing that bothers me the most is that apparently he does searches for "hot women" online (yes, I looked at the history. No, he has not been forthcoming and told me). Not porn though, nothing naked, just hot women. He likes to golf and did a search for "hottest golfers" while he was laying in bed next to me before falling asleep. So he likes looking at hot women who share his hobby. Also note that we have sex every night. Literally. But apparently afterwards he still likes to check out hotties. I just don't understand this. It makes me feel like I'm not attractive enough for him and that even though he's sexually satisfied he still isn't completely satisfied. And do I tell him that I saw this and it really bothers me?
Honestly, I think I'd rather him watch porn once or twice a month if he needs a release but for him to just sit and stare at hot women even after we have sex really confuses me. Do you think this type of behavior leads to cheating? I think there's something wrong with this.
Outside of all of this he seems really happy with me and I don't feel like there is anything I do to make him not satisfied or unhappy. We have a great relationship but I don't understand this behavior and am worried that it will lead to him straying eventually.
Guys and girls, please help!
Edit: He's 30
I think it's purely natural to admire the human body and appreciate beauty but when it's being done blatantly in front of you or right beside you while sleeping, I think it crosses the line a bit. If this is becoming increasingly more frequent, then imo it's starting to sound more like an obsession or addiction, which could possibly escalate to something more. I think when guys find the need to constantly search for porn or "hot" women, maybe it means that there's something missing in real life. How is your relationship? Are you passionate together? Is your sex life fulfilling? I think you need to get to the root of WHY he needs to constantly look. I think you need to ask him how he views the relationship and intimacy to determine if you're fulfilling his needs.
My boyfriend and I live together. I am 6 years younger than him, in great shape, and have good looks (not trying to be conceded, but just don't want anyone thinking I'm a troll )
He has a constant habit of looking at both the front and back side of every woman that passes by.
That is disrespectful. Period. Not just to you, but to the women he is oogling.
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I understand that he is a man and he probably doesn't even realize he does it or that I notice.
Nails on a chalkboard. Let's give him more room to be a pig because he has a penis. Stop it.
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I brought it up to him once stating that from the outside it looks like he's "shopping" and makes me feel unwanted. Of course he apologized and stated that he feels bad when he checks out a nice but (probably a crock of s#!*, but whatever).
Then you may be dealing with a compulsion and that is a problem, like gambling or hoarding. When someone does these things because they don't care, it is a choice, and that is bad enough. If he can't help it, it is an even bigger problem.
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I didn't make a big deal of it but just wanted to throw it out there in hopes that he would try to calm his wondering eye down when I'm around. Of course he hasn't and its starting wear on me. It just feels like he's continuing his "search" for a woman even though he tells me I'm the one. I could be overreacting though and would like everyone's opinion.
You are not over reacting.
Quote:
Also, the thing that bothers me the most is that apparently he does searches for "hot women" online (yes, I looked at the history. No, he has not been forthcoming and told me). Not porn though, nothing naked, just hot women. He likes to golf and did a search for "hottest golfers" while he was laying in bed next to me before falling asleep. So he likes looking at hot women who share his hobby. Also note that we have sex every night. Literally. But apparently afterwards he still likes to check out hotties. I just don't understand this. It makes me feel like I'm not attractive enough for him and that even though he's sexually satisfied he still isn't completely satisfied. And do I tell him that I saw this and it really bothers me?
People with these issues are not satisfied, but it has nothing to do with you. It doesn't make you less desirable or beautiful or sexy. It is HIS deal, not yours. I know that probably doesn't help much. We all want to be "the one" for our partners. But, try to understand that it is not normal behavior. Even if he is not watching porn, it is excessive and damaging to any healthy relationship.
Quote:
Honestly, I think I'd rather him watch porn once or twice a month if he needs a release but for him to just sit and stare at hot women even after we have sex really confuses me. Do you think this type of behavior leads to cheating?
I can't say with absolute certainty in every case, but someone with little self control around YOU will probably exercise even less when you are not around.
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Outside of all of this he seems really happy with me and I don't feel like there is anything I do to make him not satisfied or unhappy. We have a great relationship but I don't understand this behavior and am worried that it will lead to him straying eventually.
It's not all that great when what he is doing is making you doubt yourself. You are right to be concerned and displeased. I'm not optimistic about this.
So what's your driving force to continue looking at other women? Is there something your girl could do to help you stop looking at porn or pics or anything?
Wow before all the man haters on here blow a gasket and scare you to death, just try and weigh out options.
1st. I just had my gf read your post. She laughed the whole time as that is is us.
However, 1. I dont blatantly look for stuff in front of her. In bed I even try not to hesitate on girls instagram pics when they show up on the fitness sites. 2. I rarely look at porn. Very rare. 3. When girls walk by. I dont turn as they walk back to see their ass. Thats pushing it.
Everything else is us spot on pretty much. Seriously, you need to talk to him and call him out when he does it. If he is looking at naked chicks on his phone right in front of you, thats beyond disrespectful.
Looking at girls at the mall or the pool (subtly) is pretty normal. My gf even agrees, he just needs to not be quite as dumb about it.
Is there anything my gf can do to change it? No. My gf is hot and even if she was like Paige Hathaway hot it still wouldnt matter. Half the girls I look at are less attractive than my gf anyways. Its more of the "curiosity" aspect of it.
Just talk to him. Its really not a big deal. He just needs to tone it down some for sure. Dont let these girls scare you into thinking it means 10x more. Some guys are just wired like that.
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Last edited by houstan-dan; 06-19-2013 at 05:46 PM..
A 95 year old man will look at a tight ass or camel toes.
I wouldn't worry too much about it.
He's male and STRAIGHT for God's sake.
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