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My boyfriend and I live together. I am 6 years younger than him, in great shape, and have good looks (not trying to be conceded, but just don't want anyone thinking I'm a troll )
He has a constant habit of looking at both the front and back side of every woman that passes by. I understand that he is a man and he probably doesn't even realize he does it or that I notice. I brought it up to him once stating that from the outside it looks like he's "shopping" and makes me feel unwanted. Of course he apologized and stated that he feels bad when he checks out a nice but (probably a crock of s#!*, but whatever).
I didn't make a big deal of it but just wanted to throw it out there in hopes that he would try to calm his wondering eye down when I'm around. Of course he hasn't and its starting wear on me. It just feels like he's continuing his "search" for a woman even though he tells me I'm the one. I could be overreacting though and would like everyone's opinion.
Also, the thing that bothers me the most is that apparently he does searches for "hot women" online (yes, I looked at the history. No, he has not been forthcoming and told me). Not porn though, nothing naked, just hot women. He likes to golf and did a search for "hottest golfers" while he was laying in bed next to me before falling asleep. So he likes looking at hot women who share his hobby. Also note that we have sex every night. Literally. But apparently afterwards he still likes to check out hotties. I just don't understand this. It makes me feel like I'm not attractive enough for him and that even though he's sexually satisfied he still isn't completely satisfied. And do I tell him that I saw this and it really bothers me?
Honestly, I think I'd rather him watch porn once or twice a month if he needs a release but for him to just sit and stare at hot women even after we have sex really confuses me. Do you think this type of behavior leads to cheating?
Outside of all of this he seems really happy with me and I don't feel like there is anything I do to make him not satisfied or unhappy. We have a great relationship but I don't understand this behavior and am worried that it will lead to him straying eventually.
It sounds like he might be just a little immature. I mean, while it is natural for a heterosexual man to look, if he knows that it is bothering you, then he should be a little more respectful.
I don't think it suits you to be worried in my opinion this is to be expected since he's male and guys tend to have a high sex drive and are visual so they tend to have something called the 'male gaze' which is an innate view of gals as sexual objects or body parts. As well as you're younger than him so that to me would have been an inkling that he's going to be a male gazer as it shows a preoccupation with gal's youth/beauty.
UGH. my soon to be ex husband is like that. and it started off like that and it progressed. im almost in my late 20s, i got married in my early twenties. at first my husband used to look at magazines like playboy etc. then i would look thru his computer and it would be naked chicks.//naked porn stars.. then soon after he was watching porn alot. all the time. taking him away from family activities sometimes with our twin girls.
ive been really sick, weak with anemia. i do alot of work in in my house, between my kids , my pets , him and lastly myself.. im exhausted. my husand had the nerve to tell me on mothers day that he needs to have sex everyday several times a day. i cant do that obviously im just really busy and really sick. after i told him that he paused..
he said that when he was younger, he could just have a dirty thought and he would be able to masturbate to it and relieve himself. then he said that as he got older, it was then that he needed magazines. and then those pictures dont do it for him anymore.. now he says that he needs to watch porn alot. but after a while porn doesnt do as much as he would like.
he was so against strip clubs back in the day, and then that nite while talking i said to him, so what is it now, strip clubs, lap dances hookers? he was like, if i want to go to a strip club and get a lap dance, it not your concern.
that was it for me. its obvious my husband is a sex maniac and his addiction has advanced significANTLY. I filed for divorce that following week.
My husband is a marine who deploys alot, and im sure if given the opportunity he would sleep with some girl he meets off base, a hotel , an airport who knows?! i dont! but i believe my husband is a sex maniac and a pathological liar along with many other things. because of how he is, i believe he cheated on me with his parents neighbor. hes disgusting.
mind you, we had a really great sex life and he tells me constantly that its not me that its him. that hes a man and he needs to watch porn and look at girls all that. he says "thats what real men do" even though he knew how much it bothered me.
sorry this was long but i had to share my story because while its "hot girls fully clothed" that your guy is looking at now, it might be naked girls later. just sayin.
my husband is a womanizer and it totally destroyed our marriage.
When you say he looks for hot women online, do you mean he looks at dating websites, or he looks just for sexy pictures? I really hope he's not looking at dating websites, that would be unacceptable. I think it's pretty disrespectful to you if he's being that obvious about checking out other women while you're out and about. I realize most guys are going to stare if a woman walks by with her boobs almost falling out of her shirt, but in general, no I don't think it should be obvious that he's looking at other women. I think if you love someone and you know you are doing something that's really hurting them, then you should try to stop doing it (as long as it's within reason of course). If he knows it hurts your feelings, but he continues to ogle every female that walks by, then I think that says a lot about how much he respects you.
He sounds a little obsessed? I don't know if it's a precursor to anything, but it's disrespectful for him to do it in front of you if it bothers you. Seems like he doesn't care that it bothers you and that could be a problem.
He's 30 and isn't really immature (minus this fact). As far as I know he isn't checking out dating sites. But the web history I found were "hottest golfers" "hottest cheerleaders" "twin peak girls" and "there are sexy chivers among us" from the chive.com
Do I tell him that I saw his web history and that it bothers me? It bugs me that he looks at all of this in bed while I'm asleep next to him.
Is he really obvious about it? If so, it could be a deliberate put-down of you, a form of emotional abuse. This guy doesn't sound like a keeper. There are guys out there who don't do that, and who will treat you like the greatest thing since sliced bread. Is he otherwise thoughtful and attentive? Is he interested in what you have to say, your work, doing things together on the weekend? Take a look at the bigger picture, and size things up from there.
He's 30 and isn't really immature (minus this fact). As far as I know he isn't checking out dating sites. But the web history I found were "hottest golfers" "hottest cheerleaders" "twin peak girls" and "there are sexy chivers among us" from the chive.com
Do I tell him that I saw his web history and that it bothers me? It bugs me that he looks at all of this in bed while I'm asleep next to him.
Well...
You may have to really sit with him and have another talk about this. I mean, men do tend to look and all, but in order for a relationship to work, there needs to be something worked out. You already let him know this bugs you. Hopefully, he can respect you.
I don't know if this will lead into any problems later down the line. I know men who still look, yet at the same time, they seem to be in a strong marriage. But then again, looks can be deceiving.
I wouldn't mind my man looking at other women, but than again, I watch porn and look at other men in public too.
If its disrespectful and you've sat him down and had a face to face about, and he's still doing it-that would be a problem.
Otherwise...boys will be boys. He can look as long as there's no touching-ok in my book.
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