Wanting what we can't have/

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by reed067

We tend to want someone we can't have? What possess us to keep going after someone who has tap-danced with high-heels on our emotions???

This is a question to explore with your therapist.

People who do this do it for a reason - usually an unhealthy one.

Get to the bottom of THAT, and you'll quit this behavior.

[purehuman]

Originally Posted by reed067

We tend to want someone we can't have? What possess us to keep going after someone who has tap-danced with high-heels on our emotions???

Make that "you" tend to want someone "you" can't have...Not sure why someone would do that...maybe lack of self esteem?

[psichick]

Originally Posted by reed067

We tend to want someone we can't have? What possess us to keep going after someone who has tap-danced with high-heels on our emotions???

Let's see. Low self-esteem. Being very competitive. Needing to feel wanted, because rejection isn't fun and it can make a person feel unwanted and unloved, so you pursue it. Sometimes the need to be needed overrides the brain.

I just did this. No clue why. And it wasn't even an emotional thing.
I think I wanted the justification that someone would actually be interested in me since I have been off the market for over a decade. It took me awhile to get some sense, but finally I realized what I was doing and stopped. Of course, then he started pursuing me.

[somebodynew]

Originally Posted by reed067

We tend to want someone we can't have? What possess us to keep going after someone who has tap-danced with high-heels on our emotions???

Lack of genuine self worth.

[hawaiian by heart]

[quote=lilyflower3191981;30105988]You shouldn't be thinking like this. Maybe the people you are gong after are just simply unavailable. It doesn't mean she is better than you, or you are not attractive. Some women, actually a lot of women prefer one on one monogamous relationship. Mature women do not need other men's attention to feel confident about themselves.

I've had men pursued me so hard in the past. I told them, "you are great, I am just unavailable." They also asked, "Why do I always want woman I cannot have?" well, duh, just because I am unavailable, it doesn't mean they should take it as personal rejection. I am not everybody's type, I am not all that, nobody is. If one becomes unavailable, move on and pursue the next available one. It is that simple.

I've had men treated me so good when they thought they had a chance with me, as soon as I announced I am off the market, they called me names, ignored me, etc.

Your being humble young lady. Yes u are!

[Pikake]

If someone rejects me, I get over it quickly. Life's too short to pine over someone who wants nothing to do with me.

Heck, half the time I don't even want the ones who do want me!

[kat949]

Originally Posted by reed067

We tend to want someone we can't have? What possess us to keep going after someone who has tap-danced with high-heels on our emotions???

Maybe it's a personality thing, but I'm more inclined to walk away from something that doesn't bring me happiness.

Maybe some people have more of a sadomascohistic type personality structure, and some people are just.. more intolerant of taking ish from people they try and weed of out from their outter circle.

Life's too short for the kind of pain that doesn't bring you up but brings you down and backwards. It's all about moving forward in a positive direction somewhere.