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I do not think your being too shallow if your not attracted to the person.
I will say that I have met women where I have not felt an initial attraction, or a strong one, and have seen my level of attraction grow as I have gotten to know them too. I do not think that is a reason to date someone your not attracted to, but in some circumstances might be worth keeping in mind if you think it is someone you may be on the fence about. I do not think I would find a deep attraction to someone I initially found repulsive, but if I am initially indiferent, then there could be a possibility if she is an amazing person.
Essentially, I find that what is on the inside can influence how I view the wrapper to some extent.
Why feel guilted into getting rid of your superficial preferences? No need to lower your standards or settle for someone who doesn't do it for you. Are you feeling awkward rejecting her since you've met in person at the coffeshop and run the risk of seeing her again? I can see how that might make you feel uncomfortable, especially if you plan on going there again. If you don't plan on going back just politely decline.
The heart wants what it wants. If you aren't attracted to her, move on. Nothing superficial about it. Find what is attractive to you, then look deeper for compatibility! Best to not lead her on.
It's not superficial to find some people with nice personalities physically unattractive. It's called being human. Both levels of attraction are necessary for a relationship to work, IMO.
Go out with her and give her a chance. You never know.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
You hadn't edited it when I replied. Regardless, someone on the job not the same person they are in their off-work hours. What's the harm in a date to get to know one another a little better and see if attraction develops from her personality? You really have nothing to lose.
I remember a close of friend of mine in high school not wanting to go out with someone because " he wasn't her type". He asked her out again and again and finally she went out with him because she wanted to "get him off her back" and stop asking her out.
Surprise, surprise! Once she got to know him better she realized that they had a lot in common and she really liked him. They have been married close to 40 years.
I'm not saying that will happen to you, but who knows?
I don't think it's superficial if you're simply not attracted to someone - that's just life. But maybe go out with her and give her a chance to attract you. I have fallen for guys who did not initially inspire much attraction after getting to know them. I mean, if you find her actually to be repellant, just move on. But if you're just not inspired by her appearance, give her a chance to shine and don't obsess about the fact that you don't have an initial spark.
However, I will say this: Don't drag things out. If after two or three dates, you're still in "meh" mode in terms of attraction, end things politely and kindly.
I remember a close of friend of mine in high school not wanting to go out with someone because " he wasn't her type". He asked her out again and again and finally she went out with him because she wanted to "get him off her back" and stop asking her out.
Surprise, surprise! Once she got to know him better she realized that they had a lot in common and she really liked him. They have been married close to 40 years.
I'm not saying that will happen to you, but who knows?
Right, it wouldn't hurt to go on one date with her to see if you click outside of your previous interactions.
Sometime, sticking with your type doesn't work. I have a friend who has a really specific type, and all of his relationships have been disasters. Point out other women, and he blusters, "but she's not my type." Well, ace, your type hasn't really been working out for you too well.
If you have an easy time finding women who are attractive and you are into then why are you worried about it, if not then just remind yourself that your not getting laid and if you dont lower your standards its going to be a rough road.
If you have to lower your standards then you have to lower your standards but if you dont then dont.
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