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Many self described 'nice guys' are really guys who are only 'nice' because they have nothing else to offer. Once they actually get the girl they no longer have the impetus to remain nice and their true personality resurfaces.
"There IS someone that's right for you, but they're probably in Timbuktu."
Thoughts?
Quote:
Originally Posted by thrillobyte
Please tell us in detail what a woman is looking for in a man. And why so many women looking for these qualities are hurt so often by men. Is it the moth attracted to the flame syndrome?
Quote:
Originally Posted by thrillobyte
But wait. The guy in my first letter is repeatedly turned down by girls just for being nice. They don't even go on a date with him to find out what he's got beyond "nice". Multiply that by tens of millions and you get a picture of the true dilemma.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thrillobyte
Now here is an answer to the guy's letter from a girl. It probably says a lot.
Let's take a guy who's family oriented, good job, not good looking (cause most girls says looks have nothing to do with it--though I don't believe that) faithful, will work hard to please her. Everything I've said adds up to one word: DULL!
So what's wrong with being dull if the guy has everything else to offer?
Quote:
Originally Posted by thrillobyte
Well, it's a fact that more people killed in cars were driving dangerously than the ones driving "nice"
Quote:
Originally Posted by thrillobyte
When do they give the dull, boring guy a chance to show them that he can be loving, support her, love her, have children with her, buy a good house for her, raise a family with her...etc...in short, give her everything that she wants from the exciting, extroverted confident guy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by thrillobyte
I keep waiting for a girl to say, "This conversation is getting boring, thrillobyte....and so are YOU! I'm outta here" though somebodynew said nearly as much in post no. 32.
But post #34 was very educational. Perhaps it IS learning to find out what the girl is interested in. Still, I can't help thinking that there is a giant disconnect between guys and girls today. Each wants the same thing, but each sex wants it from the ones who are most likely to kick them in the teeth. It's really a jungle out there.
More succinctly: the girls want it from the guys who can hold their attention, but keep them guessing, "Does he or doesn't he?" and the guys want it from the beautiful sexy girl who they have absolutely no chance of getting the time of day from.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thrillobyte
Haha. Nowadays guys know that "you're a really nice guy, but I don't think this is going to work" is exactly the same as saying "you're boring."
I can't speak for all women out there because TO ME, some women have weird taste in men. But for me and every girl I know, we are just not equipped to deal with this kind of nervous break down.
That's true, but only up to a point, loves. I'm talking about honestly true "good guys" who are nice. How can you tell the nice ones from the bad ones? The bad ones have a date for Saturday night; the nice ones don't.
Now you're onto something. What if a wimp is a really nice caring guy who is a family type of guy, who wants children and wants to get married and start a family; who has a good career, but is just average looking and not four-star in the excitement department? If the girl wants a good man there he is, but as the first letter says, he just cannot get to first base with her, not even a date so she can size him up and get to know if he is a "real" good man, or a wolf in sheep's skin as lovesMountains suggested.
Is it a coincidence or what? Read the post from GlitteringPrizes just above or below, depending on the answers. Just what the doctor ordered for purposes of our discussion.
Then there's the catch Let's say it really hits the fan, a wimp is probably not going to be able to take care of his family. You can be nice, but you also have to have some kind of ability to take care of yourself, and your family... or at least project it.
"There IS someone that's right for you, but they're probably in Timbuktu."
Thoughts?
Quote: Originally Posted by thrillobyte
Please tell us in detail what a woman is looking for in a man. And why so many women looking for these qualities are hurt so often by men. Is it the moth attracted to the flame syndrome?
Quote:Originally Posted by thrillobyte
But wait. The guy in my first letter is repeatedly turned down by girls just for being nice. They don't even go on a date with him to find out what he's got beyond "nice". Multiply that by tens of millions and you get a picture of the true dilemma.
Quote: Originally Posted by thrillobyte
Now here is an answer to the guy's letter from a girl. It probably says a lot.
Let's take a guy who's family oriented, good job, not good looking (cause most girls says looks have nothing to do with it--though I don't believe that) faithful, will work hard to please her. Everything I've said adds up to one word: DULL!
So what's wrong with being dull if the guy has everything else to offer?
Quote:
Originally Posted by thrillobyte
Well, it's a fact that more people killed in cars were driving dangerously than the ones driving "nice"
Quote:
Originally Posted by thrillobyte
When do they give the dull, boring guy a chance to show them that he can be loving, support her, love her, have children with her, buy a good house for her, raise a family with her...etc...in short, give her everything that she wants from the exciting, extroverted confident guy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by thrillobyte
I keep waiting for a girl to say, "This conversation is getting boring, thrillobyte....and so are YOU! I'm outta here" though somebodynew said nearly as much in post no. 32.
But post #34 was very educational. Perhaps it IS learning to find out what the girl is interested in. Still, I can't help thinking that there is a giant disconnect between guys and girls today. Each wants the same thing, but each sex wants it from the ones who are most likely to kick them in the teeth. It's really a jungle out there.
More succinctly: the girls want it from the guys who can hold their attention, but keep them guessing, "Does he or doesn't he?" and the guys want it from the beautiful sexy girl who they have absolutely no chance of getting the time of day from.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thrillobyte
Haha. Nowadays guys know that "you're a really nice guy, but I don't think this is going to work" is exactly the same as saying "you're boring."
I can't speak for all women out there because TO ME, some women have weird taste in men. But for me and every girl I know, we are just not equipped to deal with this kind of nervous break down.
Please don't take it as a personal attack
When I saw three quotes I suspected I was in trouble.
When I saw six quotes I knew I was in trouble.
When I saw eight quotes I was looking for a piece of plywood to catch the daggers.
But your reply actually didn't turn out to be so bad, so no, I didn't take it as a personal attack. But where can I get a quick refill on my Xanax?
Because the girl has been repeatedly hurt by the confident, extroverted guy who has the scent of danger and excitement about him. Yet she is continually drawn to the same kind of guy. When does she learn her lesson. When does she finally say, "I've had it with these guys who think they can kick me, cheat on me, walk all over me."
When do they give the dull, boring guy a chance to show them that he can be loving, support her, love her, have children with her, buy a good house for her, raise a family with her...etc...in short, give her everything that she wants from the exciting, extroverted confident guy?
When she is 35, no longer chased by the bad boys (who are still banging 20 some year olds - you know women at the peak of their attractivness), and more often than not raising a couple of kids by herself. So what is the conclusion here? Dont be nice, be a bad boy.
I've read this type of question from guys hundreds of times on hundreds of websites.
Here are some of the replies:
"They think your a pushover, that is why they aren't attracted to you. There is a fine line between being a nice guy but at the same time not being a pushover."
"Nice guys finish last. Girls act like they want a nice guy, but they don't really. You have to be harsh to them."
"Girls like confidence. This has been the problem for just about forever. Nice guys finish last is a term used for the nice guy who has no confidence and is too big a wuss to do something about his crush while the arrogant mean guy has the "guts" (different word that begins with a 'b' used here) to approach her." (this from a girl)
And, most interesting, the voice of experience possibly:
"Right! I'm a guy, 50 years of age. Girls don't like nice guys. They say they do but it's a lie. They are attracted to tall confident good looking men, especially ones that are nasty sexist pigs. They love "bad boys". What movies do you like, "nice" ones, or exciting ones?"
Now have a look at this open letter from a girl:
I have also read this type of question from girls hundreds of times on hundreds of websites.
What we have here is a strange, even bizarre disconnect. Hundreds of millions of nice, gentle good men begging for women that they can love tenderly but who are giving up the search, while at the same time hundreds of millions of nice girls begging for men to love them tenderly, but who have had their hearts shattered by guys so many times that they are giving up on love, or perhaps going lesbian while the guys maybe go homosexual, who knows. I have a cousin (female) who went lesbian after being hurt multiple times by men. She's now in a lesbian relationship going on 20 years and they have a sixteen year-old boy birthed by her. But it just seems that nice guys cannot connect with these seeming nice girls. Is it really true that girls just aren't attracted to nice, gentle guys; that they want "bad boys" with the scent and allure of danger and excitement about them? Or has nature just programmed them to be drawn to men who treat them badly? Or is this just a mechanism of nature whereby only a small percent of nice guys will ever find the nice girls they desperately seek? Think of this: if every nice guy got the nice girl of his dreams the world population would double overnight. Maybe this is just a fail-safe mechanism to keep humanity from falling off the globe. Someone once said:
"There IS someone that's right for you, but they're probably in Timbuktu."
Thoughts?
My thought is that the "nice" guys who finish last are usually not all that nice. In fact, they are often passive-aggressive guys with an overblown sense of entitlement. They think the fact they are so "nice" means women owe it to them to find them attractive. When this doesn't happen, they become bitter, whiny and misogynistic. I have never met a genuinely nice guy who wasn't admired by women.
My thought is that the "nice" guys who finish last are usually not all that nice. In fact, they are often passive-aggressive guys with an overblown sense of entitlement. They think the fact they are so "nice" means women owe it to them to find them attractive. When this doesn't happen, they become bitter, whiny and misogynistic. I have never met a genuinely nice guy who wasn't admired by women.
Because a gentleman knows that it's polite and de rigueur to ALWAYS let the lady finish first.
It is most uncouth and quite caddish for a man to finish before his lady don't you think? One would have thought that any respectable chap, or in your vernacular "Nice Guy", would know this to be the case would one not.?
Regardless, I was raised to believe this to be so. This gentleman has never received any complaints by holding fast to this ideal at any event.
My thought is that the "nice" guys who finish last are usually not all that nice. In fact, they are often passive-aggressive guys with an overblown sense of entitlement. They think the fact they are so "nice" means women owe it to them to find them attractive. When this doesn't happen, they become bitter, whiny and misogynistic. I have never met a genuinely nice guy who wasn't admired by women.
I guess it depends on your definition of "admired". Having a bunch of women that like you as a friend but none that like you romanticlly is not all that helpful.
Because a gentleman knows that it's polite and de rigueur to ALWAYS let the lady finish first.
It is most uncouth and quite caddish for a man to finish before his lady don't you think? One would have thought that any respectable chap, or in your vernacular "Nice Guy", would know this to be the case would one not.?
Regardless, I was raised to believe this to be the case. This gentleman has never received any complaints by holding fast to this ideal at any event.
I dont think they are talking about orgasms but rather getting a woman to be romantically interested in them in the first place.
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