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Old 06-20-2013, 12:38 PM
 
9,377 posts, read 9,273,197 times
Reputation: 2595

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Read the open letter below:

Quote:
I'm a really nice guy (at least it seems to me that I am) but girls don't want me... some even say to me that I'm the nicest guy they know... yet when I want something more than just a platonic relationship with them they refuse. I'm not ugly just average looking, but I AM shy. When I like a girl I talk to her but she immediately feels friendship like a sister to a brother. For example I told several girls that I like them and that I think they're pretty but they just seem to always back off. Is it me or what?
I've read this type of question from guys hundreds of times on hundreds of websites.

Here are some of the replies:

"They think your a pushover, that is why they aren't attracted to you. There is a fine line between being a nice guy but at the same time not being a pushover."
"Nice guys finish last. Girls act like they want a nice guy, but they don't really. You have to be harsh to them."
"Girls like confidence. This has been the problem for just about forever. Nice guys finish last is a term used for the nice guy who has no confidence and is too big a wuss to do something about his crush while the arrogant mean guy has the "guts" (different word that begins with a 'b' used here) to approach her." (this from a girl)

And, most interesting, the voice of experience possibly:
"Right! I'm a guy, 50 years of age. Girls don't like nice guys. They say they do but it's a lie. They are attracted to tall confident good looking men, especially ones that are nasty sexist pigs. They love "bad boys". What movies do you like, "nice" ones, or exciting ones?"

Now have a look at this open letter from a girl:

Quote:
I am afraid to give ANY guy another chance, because every time I do after he says, 'I'll never hurt you or leave you--you can trust me" guess what? HE LEAVES! EVERYTIME! And I have been told I am pretty and am not doing anything wrong. They just want someone better. So now I have this wall built around my heart and have no idea how to let anyone in because I cant take anymore heartache. I want to be loved.. and I want someone in my life but how can I learn to trust guys if they always hurt me? Help me...PLEASE! I don't want to be alone forever.
I have also read this type of question from girls hundreds of times on hundreds of websites.

What we have here is a strange, even bizarre disconnect. Hundreds of millions of nice, gentle good men begging for women that they can love tenderly but who are giving up the search, while at the same time hundreds of millions of nice girls begging for men to love them tenderly, but who have had their hearts shattered by guys so many times that they are giving up on love, or perhaps going lesbian while the guys maybe go homosexual, who knows. I have a cousin (female) who went lesbian after being hurt multiple times by men. She's now in a lesbian relationship going on 20 years and they have a sixteen year-old boy birthed by her. But it just seems that nice guys cannot connect with these seeming nice girls. Is it really true that girls just aren't attracted to nice, gentle guys; that they want "bad boys" with the scent and allure of danger and excitement about them? Or has nature just programmed them to be drawn to men who treat them badly? Or is this just a mechanism of nature whereby only a small percent of nice guys will ever find the nice girls they desperately seek? Think of this: if every nice guy got the nice girl of his dreams the world population would double overnight. Maybe this is just a fail-safe mechanism to keep humanity from falling off the globe. Someone once said:

"There IS someone that's right for you, but they're probably in Timbuktu."

Thoughts?
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Old 06-20-2013, 12:40 PM
 
Location: SF CA, USA
4,188 posts, read 3,808,078 times
Reputation: 4932
ಠ_ಠ
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Old 06-20-2013, 12:41 PM
 
Location: NY
8,735 posts, read 12,499,335 times
Reputation: 10706
I personally think the guys that get labeled as "nice guys" tend to play themselves as nice because they come off as boring or not interesting (think, bland).
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Old 06-20-2013, 12:43 PM
 
Location: Toronto
2,161 posts, read 2,025,549 times
Reputation: 1142
What do they have to offer besides being nice? I'm nice. My next door neighbour is nice. Who cares? Isn't that an expectation? That's not a selling point.
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Old 06-20-2013, 12:44 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,264 posts, read 80,605,545 times
Reputation: 39460
The reality is, some who label themselves "nice guys" really aren't.

They should concentrate instead on becoming good men
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Old 06-20-2013, 12:45 PM
 
10,637 posts, read 8,001,068 times
Reputation: 13415
It is not about being "nice" or "gentle". I can just picture the scene, girl tells guy he is the nicest guy ever .... right after he let her borrow his car that he needed to get to work without filling it with gas. Right after he listened to her cry over the ex-boyfriend. You can be nice, caring and gentle. Better if you are! But you cannot be a wimp.
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Old 06-20-2013, 12:53 PM
 
2,766 posts, read 3,545,918 times
Reputation: 2944
Usually if someone is considered 'nice', they are most likely not considered attractive or more.
Usually someone is funny, cute, rich, hot, etc.

When describing someone and the first thing you say about them is 'nice', then they are probably average looking at best.

And nice people don't always finish last.

I'm probably not going to read this thread after this, because I don't feel like reading another alpha/beta type thread.
PUA-'game'/nice guy bla bla.
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Old 06-20-2013, 12:55 PM
 
9,377 posts, read 9,273,197 times
Reputation: 2595
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
The reality is, some who label themselves "nice guys" really aren't.

They should concentrate instead on becoming good men
That's true, but only up to a point, loves. I'm talking about honestly true "good guys" who are nice. How can you tell the nice ones from the bad ones? The bad ones have a date for Saturday night; the nice ones don't.



Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
It is not about being "nice" or "gentle". I can just picture the scene, girl tells guy he is the nicest guy ever .... right after he let her borrow his car that he needed to get to work without filling it with gas. Right after he listened to her cry over the ex-boyfriend. You can be nice, caring and gentle. Better if you are! But you cannot be a wimp.
Now you're onto something. What if a wimp is a really nice caring guy who is a family type of guy, who wants children and wants to get married and start a family; who has a good career, but is just average looking and not four-star in the excitement department? If the girl wants a good man there he is, but as the first letter says, he just cannot get to first base with her, not even a date so she can size him up and get to know if he is a "real" good man, or a wolf in sheep's skin as lovesMountains suggested.

Is it a coincidence or what? Read the post from GlitteringPrizes just above or below, depending on the answers. Just what the doctor ordered for purposes of our discussion.
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Old 06-20-2013, 01:00 PM
 
Location: Akron, OH
1,299 posts, read 1,177,454 times
Reputation: 671
Its not about being nice, its about not being a pushover. Its good to be nice to people just dont let get over on you.
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Old 06-20-2013, 01:00 PM
 
Location: Chicago
5,132 posts, read 7,514,639 times
Reputation: 5902
Because some people confuse "nice guys/nice girls" with being a doormat - and those are two different things. The doormat always finishes last under someone's foot.
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