Ladies, in real life how often do older men hit on you? (family, children)
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Another issue is that it depends what you are looking for in life...
A 42 year old divorcee who is now looking online for a relationship can have a rough time, even if the kids are out of the house. This is because the average 42 year old guy can often (and does) date much younger women and is not looking for her. It is more common for much older men to be interested in that 42 year old woman, and I'm talking men 10 -30 years older then her.
But if you are looking for a new life partner, do you really want to be with someone that not only grew up in a different generation, but is also likely developing more and more health problems and may be looking for a women to TAKE CARE OF HIM as he ages, rather then a real spouse/partner? I have seen this happen frequently. Of course we know that men tend to also remarry more quickly then women after divorce, and seem to "need" that support system even more. But is it right that the average 42 year old woman looking for a long term relationship may have more lucky settling with someone who may have a dramatically different life span then they do?
Yea yeah yeah.... "we never know how much time we have".... "they might have a lot in common...." yeah yeah yeah. But come on guys. You hear me.
But, there are some woman who will get involved with these much older men. There are definitely many May - December relationships out there because the man wants a young thing and the woman wants money/security and may not even mind if he passes away early. That is the truth.
I have less a problem with a 20-25 year old woman dating a 40 year old man. Yes, I still respect him less for what he is looking for in a relationship, but several of my female friends enjoyed these relationships for limited periods of time. Some of them did marry early to be taken care of, although few of those types of women are my friends so I'm not sure how they feel about their choice 20 years later.
Ah to be 22 and naive..... I would never want to go back, actually!
Another issue is that it depends what you are looking for in life...
A 42 year old divorcee who is now looking online for a relationship can have a rough time, even if the kids are out of the house. This is because the average 42 year old guy can often (and does) date much younger women and is not looking for her. It is more common for much older men to be interested in that 42 year old woman, and I'm talking men 10 -30 years older then her.
But if you are looking for a new life partner, do you really want to be with someone that not only grew up in a different generation, but is also likely developing more and more health problems and may be looking for a women to TAKE CARE OF HIM as he ages, rather then a real spouse/partner? I have seen this happen frequently. Of course we know that men tend to also remarry more quickly then women after divorce, and seem to "need" that support system even more. But is it right that the average 42 year old woman looking for a long term relationship may have more lucky settling with someone who may have a dramatically different life span then they do?
Yea yeah yeah.... "we never know how much time we have".... "they might have a lot in common...." yeah yeah yeah. But come on guys. You hear me.
But, there are some woman who will get involved with these much older men. There are definitely many May - December relationships out there because the man wants a young thing and the woman wants money/security and may not even mind if he passes away early. That is the truth.
I have less a problem with a 20-25 year old woman dating a 40 year old man. Yes, I still respect him less for what he is looking for in a relationship, but several of my female friends enjoyed these relationships for limited periods of time. Some of them did marry early to be taken care of, although few of those types of women are my friends so I'm not sure how they feel about their choice 20 years later.
Ah to be 22 and naive..... I would never want to go back, actually!
The thing is while that 42 man may want a younger woman, most younger women don't want him. That's the thing many of these men don't get. Yes SOME women will date older but most women simply don't want an older man. Most men only think they can date younger, but really most are deluding themselves. If he's handsome and has money (or one of them)sure he probably can but an average overweight middle income man who is nothing to look at? probably not. Some of the men who rejected me on age were nothing to look at in any way and some of them are still online. The thing about men wanting a woman to take care of them, that's one thing I see when older men contacted me. I didn't see it just as an older man contacting me but as an older man contacting me so I will take care of him as he ages.I can't understand any woman wanting a man in that respect.
In my RL experience, it's not true that all men over 40 want younger women.
In fact -- I was thinking about this last night because of this thread -- my ex's are all married to women older than themselves, though with one his wife is only 1 or 2 years older. The others are more like 5-10 years.
So, it looks like the kind of man I am attracted to wants someone close to his own age, and does not have weird hangups about age (e.g 'if I am 5 years older it's nothing but if she is 1 year older she is OLD').
It's funny to see how guys who are desperate not to look too deeply into why they are frightened of women their own age try to put up this straw man about how someone is saying there is not one woman in the universe who will date older, and thus if they can disprove that everything else is bull**** .
The reality is that there are a few women who will date older, and a few men who will. And, for casual stuff, there are a lot more of each gender. 97% of the mail I got on OKC was from guys under 30, after all. And the rest was mostly from dudes of my father's generation, by which I mean 10-15 years older than me.
There are many older men who want to date women their age, in fact I would guess a huge majority. I meet them all the time offline. Online though it seemed to be another story. When I say something like "most men only think they can date younger" I don't mean most men want younger, only that of those that do, most of them can't date younger.
Nila when I was doing online dating I met a wonderful guy who was 30 when I was 41. He didn't care I was older because age didn't mean anything. The age wasn't an issue really but the distance was and neither of us want to move so we remain friends (and met as such).
The thing is while that 42 man may want a younger woman, most younger women don't want him. That's the thing many of these men don't get. Yes SOME women will date older but most women simply don't want an older man. Most men only think they can date younger, but really most are deluding themselves. If he's handsome and has money (or one of them)sure he probably can but an average overweight middle income man who is nothing to look at? probably not. Some of the men who rejected me on age were nothing to look at in any way and some of them are still online. The thing about men wanting a woman to take care of them, that's one thing I see when older men contacted me. I didn't see it just as an older man contacting me but as an older man contacting me so I will take care of him as he ages.I can't understand any woman wanting a man in that respect.
I completely agree with this post.
When my friends in their 20's dated men in their 40's, they were often dating their professors (so smart/successful "appearing"), lawyers, businessmen, or extremely talented artists (ex. professional musicians often with successful recordings/jobs, published authors etc...). Often they were within the same career tract as my friends, just much further along. So you really need to be extremely talented/brilliant/established as a man or very wealthy if you want to really have a shot with much younger women who is worth dating/marrying. You have to have something to offer them intellectually or financially (ex. shows responsibility, hard working, likely good father/provider) that makes them look twice or they would simply stay closer to their age range. Interestingly, while these men were usually decent looking, they not unusually handsome at all. They did have very good social skills, in most cases, which a lot of young guys do not. If you are a man and you have the talent/brilliant/very wealthy thing going, you can do very well.
Of course, there will always be a few timelessly handsome men who are charming and suave who will always have a woman much much younger then them at their side. Those are few/far between. I have met one or two of them, and find that they make you laugh/smile/feel good...... and who doesn't like that? Life is hard enough...
I almost married a guy who was 9 years older than me, and seriously considered it with one 10 years younger. In both cases the age diff was a stretch, but extreme compatibility in other areas was relevant. And, in both cases, we were not choosing each other because of the age difference, but in spite of it.
Usually I stick with within 5 years, though, or 7 at a stretch. These guys were the outliers.
I don't think I would ever consider an older guy if he did not have a history of dating women older than himself .
A man with a history of dating much younger is a red flag. My boyfriend is 9 years older but it works because we have the same interests and life experiences.
Yeah, a red flag in the sense of, 'watch out, better look more closely', not in the sense of 'do not date, ever'.
A lot of guys our age, IME, when they first get divorced they try dating someone much younger and find out they don't like it the way they thought they would. An ability to learn about himself from mistakes is the opposite of a red flag .
Yeah, a red flag in the sense of, 'watch out, better look more closely', not in the sense of 'do not date, ever'.
A lot of guys our age, IME, when they first get divorced they try dating someone much younger and find out they don't like it the way they thought they would. An ability to learn about himself from mistakes is the opposite of a red flag .
From what I've seen many men do date younger right after a divorce because they aren't looking for a serious relationship. This makes sense. Other men I know don't date older women at all and it's on their profile so these I would avoid (then again I generally avoid divorced men and definitely avoid recently divorced men).
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