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I don't know but i think the problem is with sheena than her fiance... He didn't walk out for no reason... Sounds like his problem is sheena's attitude rather than anything else... And his work sounds like a red herring...
Thanks for asking. Yes, my husband is difficult but after 44 years together (married for 36 years) we've managed to work everything out. But, when your marriage counselor starts crying , in front of you, because he feels that he is a failure you know that it isn't a typical situation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cindersslipper
The marriage counsellor starts crying because he hates his life, not because he cares about his clients more than a paycheck.
Sitting there being paid to patch dysfunction back up, to please society really, no one else.
Ugh what a life. I'd be depressed too.
I don't want to high jack the thread, but the marriage counselor was retiring and we were the very last couple that he ever counseled. In fact, he keep seeing us for a few weeks after his official retirement date because he was kept hoping that my husband would "change". When he started crying he told us that he felt like a failure. Obviously, he wasn't a failure because that was 10 to 12 years ago and we are still married
But, I agree that being a marriage counselor would be a crappy job (and this is from someone who taught special education students for thirty plus years).
You are right he was very cold and unfeeling. I think breaking it off is a bit much at this point. I'm not quite there yet. He is very educated and intelligent. Emotionally mature is something he is not.
Someone who is NOT emotionally mature, is not nor ever will be ready for marriage. And forbid you have kids together. Blunt, yes. You have approximately 3 months to wake up, before your bad dream becomes a daily reality show.
I had a bf who used to disappear for days at a time when upset, though we did not live together. When I told him I worried about him, he offered to text me once a day to tell me he was ok. And he was giddily happy that such an easy thing would matter so much to me. So it was a good solution for us. Maybe a counselor can help you find what works for the two of you -- what is easy for him and a big help to you.
I think there's something to this as a form of conciliation and compromise.
Men and women not only communicate differently but draw different results from that communication. In my observation, women seem to draw some type of cathartic response by sharing their problems with significant others, friends, family, etc.
Men, not so much, or at least not most of the ones I know. We tend to be a bit more results-oriented and if you demand that we detail each issue, despite knowing that you have no real solution, then we're just living in the problem.
I'm not saying that his solution is appropriate but it goes back to what have others have said. Often times in relationships all of us have to realize that if we're not alleviating stress, we're causing it...
I think the OP should really pay attention to the red flags being shown to her. I firmly believe that when someone shows you who they REALLY are, you believe them the first time. The OP has already told her fiance how his abandonment (temporary or otherwise) makes her feel and here he has done it again. This has nothing to do with stress at a job or anything else other than this is who he is and as previous posters have said will do again long after the wedding is over.
The OP also said she is not ready to call things off with him as of yet and then in another post she said she is going to tell him if he leaves again the relationship is over. This is passive aggressive. OP, it seems you are saying this to control him not leaving even though you are not ready to end the relationship. Only you know when you are truly tired and ready to end things, therefore do not say this unless you really mean it, because if you execute your threat after a few apologies and begging from him you will be right back in the circle of dysfunction.
Personally, I do not think you are emotionally ready to end things at this point, although I think you should but this isn't my relationship-its yours. You need to determine where you are going to draw the line and whether or not you are willing to tolerate this behavior (which will worsen with time) for the next 20,30 years with him. You will wake up one day and be a shell of you who your were.
has he returned yet? i think when he does, dont make a big deal out of it. my soon to be x husband was such a jerk when we would fight that he had to twist everything around on me. he would say that "i made him have a bad day" or
that he is the way he is because "i made him that way." or "why am i making him curse and scream at me? ugh.
dealing with these emotional vampires (as i like to call them) is only going to drain u and exhaust u. after a while u become numb to their stupid games and immature tantrums. they are like the anchor to your sails weighing you down in the beautiful ocean of life. dontsink
dont urge to talk to him. stay cool calm and collected-and quiet./ sometimes, not saying much is saying more than anything. when he comes around or when hes in a more calm mood and he initiates conversation, u tell him that this isnt going to continue.. not unless its talked out so that there is a better understanding, or that u both go to a counsellor for help on dealing with emotions and communication.
I called him at 430 on Saturday afternoon. He answered and told me he was getting something to eat and he was on his way back. I told him we had a lot to discuss when he returned. He came back about an hour later.
He had stayed at a hotel last night, because according to him, he needed space. When he came back I didn't react or yell. We talked for a little while and I told him we can't go on this way. We have huge communication issue. He agreed. And I told him, that disappearing for the evening is not acceptable and I wont deal with it anymore.
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forbid you have kids together. 
Blunt, yes. You have approximately 3 months to wake up, before your bad dream becomes a daily reality show.
